Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

happyhaddock_2

Aw pebbles can't give advice but just wanted to send big hugs and hope he comes back today and you can then sort things out together xxx

pebbles88

Thanks HH. Feel really sick, have just sent a text asking if he knows what time he'll be home. Could barely tap it out I'm shaking that much.

pebbles88

polgara wrote: »

alias*alibi - its standard practice. When I had to change ADs the GP explained about the half life of the medication and why I needed to be clear of one before starting with another.

As someone who recently had a breakdown I can echo how important counselling can be for bereavement - even after all this time.

Hello polgara, what's does the half life mean please?

Yorkie1

pebbles88 wrote: »

Hello polgara, what's does the half life mean please?

It broadly means how long it takes for medication to drop down to a certain level in your body, and therefore how long you should wait before starting different medication in order to minimise the risk of clashes between them.

pebbles88

well, he has been for more stuff, not much, ust his shaver n pj bottoms n work shoes.

he started off saying he wasn't coming back, he's had no tingles or chest pains & has slept like a baby on his mums sofa, he is staying at his mums tonight. Then moving in with a friend & his wife tomorrow for acouple of weeks.

just before he came, the district nurser came, she could see id been crying, Asked if i was ok, and it all just broke down, all came out. she was nearly crying with me. And is getting on SS case in morning to try and arrange some respite care. Poss looking at getting her a little bungalow round the corner, that would allow mum to have some independence.

DH still says he needs a break, he says he wants a life, which iunderstand, all we do is sleep, cuddle n watch tv during any free time cos we're both tired & I need to be around for mum. We have never had a normal married life. oub from work, lMum's said she would go into somewhere, but that she is scared of being alone. I know how she feels.

we've discussed I'm gonna give him some time, he's coming for tea on sunday.

I just feel so so awful. Hate myself right now.

Yorkie1

So sorry you're so upset. I know you don't feel this, but there really isn't anything to hate yourself for. We all cope in different ways and this is his way of coping - you've held everything together for so long but it's not possible to be everything to all people all the time.

Good luck over the coming few days - hopefully the SS will be able to assist now that another professional has involved them.

pebbles88

I feel so scared & so alone, I don't know what to do

dorisday

I really feel for you and your situation but your mother must be feeling awful also she now has to rely on you as no one else seems to be bothering to help her so just for a little while concentrate on her and try and keep your mind off what your husband is doing.
I dont feel he is handling this situation well at all why should he want to feel he has to escape you are both or should be together to give each other support when needed.
My advice is you need to take things nice and slow have a word with your mum and explain that you understand she feels helpless etc but if you could both try and understand that this is the situation and you both love each other (mum and you) and if you accept this things need to calm down. For the moment (regarding hubby) get on with your life go to work and do the things you normally do perhaps do something nice for yourself meet a friend for a coffee anything to make life more pleasant. is it possible to take your mum out for a coffee/cake just a hour where you can sit and have a chat about the world.
Your hubby will do what he wants to do just let him see you can cope and you could even meet up for a drink and chat perhaps get someone to mum sit so you know shes safe.
Ive been through somethuing similar many years ago so know the best thing is to take each day as it comes dont look beyond today just try and get some little pleasure even if its 5 mins out of the day we are in. looking beyond today makes us panic and feel worse.
Just take it easy and go and give your mum a cuddle xx
:):)

jetplane

Don't hate yourself, as horrible as it seems right here, right now this may be the crisis that turns things around. It's like a merry go round that you can't get off and someone had to step out of this situation. It could not be you because you've been trying to hold it together, maybe only now you will realise how exhausting this has been for you.

Your husband is safe, he is going to work, he has made plans for somewhere to stay and he has made plans to meet up with you again. It is good that he is no longer feeling anxious or having chest pain and it demonstrates how stressfull the situation had become for him.

Now for yourself, social services are difficult to deal with, they are not really set up to deal with prevention, they are pretty much limited to reacting to crisis situations and will pass the buck where they can. As other posters have said now is the time to get tough, tell them you are at crisis point and get every agency that you can involved. Contact ageUK for example and get someone on your side who can help you get the help that your mother needs so that you don't wear yourself out fighting the system.

Have her finances checked to ensure she is receiving her correct benefit entitlements as this can make a difference to her choices.

Do not blame yourself and do not feel guilty, I know that this is easier said than done, but remind yourself that you have done everything that you can within the time, energy and resources that you have. None of this is your fault, your husband and your mother are adults and yes a situation can become so stressful that all you do is snap at each other, criticise and lose sense of what is important.

I can understand that right now you feel scared and alone and no one can take those feelings away from you. But if you recognise that the situation could no longer go on then you may be able to see how it can change for the better. (((HUGS)))

CH27

pebbles88 wrote: »

I feel so scared & so alone, I don't know what to do

You are not alone hun. Keep talking here.

Breaking down in front of the nurse is a good thing. That will help kick start the help you need.

Make a list of what you need to do tomorrow ie ring SS, GP etc