Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

pebbles88

hello, sorry i haven't posted in a few days, been so much going on.

it looks as though mum will be staying in the care home. there is so much care needed, that it just won't be possible for me to do it at home, i need to work, not just for money, but for me. It's an intrinsic part of me & when I haven't worked in the past i've gone very bad with my depression.

mum is ok, has good days & bad days, was scared she'd never see her home, or cats again. But she now knows that i'll be able to bring her to ours for the day/meals etc. That she isn't on lockdown. it's a big adjustment for both of us. I really do miss her. but she is literally a stones throw away, so we are still close.

its a huge weight off me. My sister got very angry & was shouting it wasn't fair that they would take all mum's pension to cover the cost of care. but I think thats more her guilt & not understanding whats been going on. She hasn't been interested, so thats her prob. I was very very low after the SW meeting, so when I went to the home to see mum & sis was there & started screaming at me, I just had to go. Didn't have the fight in me to shout back.

Dh was coming over to see me as he knew I was in a bit of a state, when he found out what sis had done, he was really angry, he's been frustrated at the fact she's never helped anyway, but put my foot down & stopped another argument between them at least

i had been worried about money, as mum has paid the gas/lec & water as she wanted to pay something towards her keep, silly monkey. I was scared we couldnt cover all the bills, take on those costs & cover the rent at DH temp place. But thankfully I think we can. DH coming tomorrow so will look into it more then.

Re me & DH, as I said, he cancelled plans for weds night he had to come & see me cos I was very upset. we had a brief discussion about stuff. not sure whats going to happen, but were still really close. right now, I;m just getting through each day.

hope you all have agood weekend.
x

pebbles88

ps: something very daft & prob means nothing to anyone else..... but after a hard review with my manager on thurs, he is being brilliant, but i need to pull my socks up a bit more in some areas.... well i was upset & wobbly, texted DH (auto reaction) saying argh, this has happened, everythings falling apart & i cant do any more than I am. got a reply later, asing how I was & did I need him to do anything.

I didnt reply. this was about 8pm, really really not like me to not reply, spesh to him anyway. but I didn't & thought, stuff you, see how you like it, got up friday morning to a text asking was i ok, pls let him know etc. ..... still didnt reply til last night.... just saying, yeah im here.

i know he was out with his friend last night, sent me a text at midnight ... wishing he wasnt all that, and that he'd just had a kicking.... cue panic from me worrying in case he was hurt.

spoke to him this morning, his mate that really shouldnt drink cos he cant handle it, had accidently bumped into a girl at the pub, who just happened to be a gypsy so her hubby went ballistic, and DH tried to help his friend & got a few punches for it. spoke this morning, conversation went exactly like it would as if he was next to me in the bed, even wished he was at home.....

so perhaps the holding off on the text reply, and being less available as suggested, made him think a bit eh.

but I'm enjoying only having to cope looking after me n 3 cats at the moment. im lonely yes, but its not the worse thing that could happen

Yorkie1

Hang in there Pebbles; it sounds as though you are learning to listen to what you need for yourself. Your Mum is in the right place and things will work out over time - with OH as well as the finances etc.

NB. You may well find that your gas /elec bills go down if your Mum is in the care home rather than with you full time.

pebbles88

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Hang in there Pebbles; it sounds as though you are learning to listen to what you need for yourself. Your Mum is in the right place and things will work out over time - with OH as well as the finances etc.

NB. You may well find that your gas /elec bills go down if your Mum is in the care home rather than with you full time.

We get staywarm for gas/elec as she's over 60. £29 a week for all of it, obv they measure usage, but as the payments were set for full yr it's what we've don't for ages. Easier to budget etc.

pebbles88

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Hang in there Pebbles; it sounds as though you are learning to listen to what you need for yourself. Your Mum is in the right place and things will work out over time - with OH as well as the finances etc.

NB. You may well find that your gas /elec bills go down if your Mum is in the care home rather than with you full time.

We get staywarm for gas/elec as she's over 60. £29 a week for all of it, obv they measure usage, but as the payments were set for full yr it's what we've don't for ages. Easier to budget etc.

jetplane

Hi pebbles I haven't been on for a while, glad to see that you're OK. £29 week for gas & elec I think thats high, how big is your house?

So you have survived all the criticism from you sister and your mum is getting settled and receiving the care she needs so hopefully once the dust has settled instead of blame and resentment you will be able to enjoy the time that you and her spend together.

pebbles look how far you have come in only 3 weeks. I would hope that you are starting to feel stronger in yourself . I'm pleased your boss is being supportive and you will probably find that your work is improving day by day now that you have more time to concentrate on yourself. No wonder you weren't at your best considering you were also caring for your mum and husband.

The only advice I would offer is don't play a game of not replying to texts in the hope that he will miss you. Be unavailable because you are busy getting on with your own life and enjoy some of this new found freedom. Get back in touch with people who you haven't been able to see and maybe go on another date night with your husband if you can fit him in :rotfl: xx.

CH27

I'm so pleased you have got your mum settled now.

You've done so well in the last couple of weeks & you should be proud of yourself.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Hey Pebbles! any updates?

JCG

xx

pebbles88

Hiya JCG

Lots happened this week, I promise I will do a proper update ASAP.

Just had so much to contend with & have felt really ill & run down last few days :-( but, Friday tomorrow, & I'm getting into bed straight from work! Xx

jetplane

I was hoping that your lack of posting was because you were too busy spending time on yourself, sorry to hear you're poorly but you have been running on adreneline for some time so maybe it's not surprising that you're feeling run down. Another reason to look after number one x