Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

pebbles88

Well he said this

Hey, I do appreciate what it must have taken for you to offer to come and I know this wont be ideal but just for now with how things are I would prefer to go on my own, I think it would be awkward for everyone else. I am sorry but just for now we should keep it to just us when we meet up. I hope your okay with this

And it's left me in tears again. I just would like a small gesture from him to show I ain't making complete fool of myself.

cte1111

You're both dealing with a lot. Your OH has had to isolate himself for a while to cope with his own mental health problems. This must be very hard for you but try not to take it personally.

You're doing really well managing on your own. Look to the future, your OH should be back on more of an even keel when his meds are sorted out. I think you should try and get him to see his GP or an emergency doctor ASAP. The sort of feelings that he was suffering from really should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Have you got anyone else you can talk to? Try and treat yourself to a nice meal or a chat with a good friend to make up for missing out on the meal with your MIL. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you all in the end.

jetplane

Ahh pebbles remember he has given you gestures. He came out with you on Thurs eve, he helped with your shopping, he stayed overnight as you said you were afraid, he's been texting back, he's coming around tomorrow. What small gesture do you want him to give? Maybe he would like a small gesture from you to allow him the space he asked for?

You are pushing him for more, yet you both still have so much to sort out. I think he was very gracious in his refusal do you really want to back him into a corner?

whitewing

Oh pebbles, you are both going through so much. Give yourselves time to adjust. At least if he goes on his own then he will have the opportunity to miss you.

DH and I had our daughter a couple of years ago and I had bad pnd after that. As I got better, we had a tendency to try and cram stuff that we felt we were missing out on, into any down time. And we would invariably bicker because we weren't getting enough downtime. I still underestimate how much actual time a toddler takes out of your day.

It's a bit of a similar situation. You don't have your mum there so there is a real desire to get some time alone with DH. That's very understandable and you both may need it, but it may not be what you both MOST need.

You concentrate on decluttering and cleaning and chilling in front of the TV. Let him do his own stuff. He is texting you so he's obviously thinking about you. Sometimes love is the big gestures, sometimes the things that bind us are the hundreds of seconds of a kind thought, a smile, a text, a keeping the house tidy, a putting the bins out, a moment of solitude...

whitewing

PS pebbles, the wording of his text was very considerate so he obviously does think a lot of you and still has an enormous amount of respect for you.

In my experience, someone wanting out of a relationship would be more abrupt, if they bothered to answer at all.

pebbles88

Thankyou my lovlies, been a wobbly day. Both my good friends have been in touch to see how things are. Too much time to think & stress. I'm an idiot, have prob re enforced DH feelings by being a mad c*w.

I'm watching clash of the titans to distract me. Is it bad that I have only been out of my pjs for about 2 hours today? Our bed was our place, laugh joke love & cry. I just feel safe under the covers with my cats. Hate the house being so quiet. Heard next door laughing n joking with their daughter n grandson. They are both only young, have a beautiful baby boy, a little home, and they're married. Wedding was gorgeous, I beat them no bad feelings. Just feel really jealous as they have want we wanted. Well we til this time last week. It's stupid I know, I'm just worried I'll never have my own family. It's all I've been thinking about the last few yrs. and I'm angry that my chance might have now gone.

Sorry if this rambles, I'm just venting.

pebbles88

morning my angels

well, i feel a right twerp.

got text late off DH asking how i was & explaining the decision on dinner at Mils.

He just wants no pressure on anything for a while, inc the time we spend together, and that I should ease up & stop worrying as he's hard to upset or offend, I should know that.

so i have apologised, said we both know what the other is like, said im only panicing as much because its something really important, him thats important to me. told that because of how things are that i'm reading one thing & taking it another way & spinning off into a full on panic.

i've always been a bit like that, but he has been the only one to make me feel calm inside, complete i guess.


so he's coming over for tea tonight, havent felt up to doing any housework, so need to have a quick blitz. Have offered that he can stay over if he likes, diff beds. just so we can relax, he can the beers i got for him, and we can just enjoy our house & being us. no interference or distractions.

said if he needs to wash anything for work tomorrow he is welcome to as well.

will update when i can. wish us luck eh. x

jetplane

Morning pebbles. I think it was RacyRed who suggested that you write something down before you text it?

It's a bit like a money saving trick you know if you see something you really like & want? Then you think can I afford it? So you go away and think about it for a while and then you think actually that's not such a good idea? And money is saved.

If you use this approach to your likes and wants ideas that you have for your partner then rather than send the impulsive texts leave it, write it down, go back to it later and you might think actually thats not such a good idea after all and save yourself some upset.

Enjoy tonight

pebbles88

jetplane wrote: »

Morning pebbles. I think it was RacyRed who suggested that you write something down before you text it?

It's a bit like a money saving trick you know if you see something you really like & want? Then you think can I afford it? So you go away and think about it for a while and then you think actually that's not such a good idea? And money is saved.

If you use this approach to your likes and wants ideas that you have for your partner then rather than send the impulsive texts leave it, write it down, go back to it later and you might think actually thats not such a good idea after all and save yourself some upset.

Enjoy tonight

you're right, part of me felt ridiculous though as we've been together 12 yrs & i thought i dont want to play games. but im gonna have try keep a tether on something. im a nightmare.

pebbles88

Bk to work today. Had to rearrange last night with DH as he wasn't well, so he's picking me up from work and staying over tonight. All his idea.

Care home had to call doc for mum, heart is struggling now to keep going. So spent some time with her yest, watched toy story, was really nice. X