Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

jetplane

Morning pebbles hope you're OK. How is your mum, hope she's comfortable and not struggling too much x

JustinCredibleGillespie

So sad to hear that Pebbles. I hope everything is ok.

JCG

xx

pebbles88

Hi

Thank you for the well wishes, they've changed some of her meds, so hopefully they will kick in soon. It's so scary how fast she's gone downhill. Literally the last 6ish months have changed so much.

She's bit more settled into the respite home. And I must say, I feel much more on top of things & able to cope without worrying about her at home aswell. I had no idea how much I needed a break. Apparently the doc wants to look at options &poss a do not resuscitate plan if anything was to happen. Which I don't think will, but we def need to update future care plans. I cannot, for my own sanity, go bk to doing it all on my own. I don't have the support of my sister, or brother. So will be having a frank discussion with the sw.

Last night with DH was great. Didn't do anything other than have tea (I was happy to have it on our laps on sofa, he wanted it at table all nice n neat.... I think he may have been abducted by aliens....)

Then vegged out on sofa watching our sci fi shows & a film. Nothing super exciting, but we were both really tired. He held my hand when I put it near him, & let me snuggle in. Night ended with a big bear hug. He said it was really nice not to have to think 'what next' iro me & mum snapping or bickering, or me crying after a barney! Slept separately.

I got him some marvel superhero pants as a little gift, he loved them, even got a little show of them this morning!... I don't think either of us has the capacity for in depth talks right now. So we're just going with the flow. Having recharged my batts a bit, I feel like a diff stronger woman. Mind you, could be the diazepam!

I'm off to slumberland, no kitty's tonight, have been abondoned in favour of a fleece blanket! Charming eh!

I know my posts are calmer, And I know there's a long way to go before things are anything like normal, but I just want to thank all who have posted, you were little angels of light in a dark time. It's so appreciated. Thank you.

Well let's see what the next few days bring eh? Goodnight all xx

CH27

Get mithering that SW & make sure things are in place before your mum's respite is up.

pebbles88

Just spoke to sw, we're meeting next weds @ care home. Brought her up to date with everything.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Good on you Pebbles! It looks like things are finally starting to look up and that black cloud is starting to clear. It may take a long time yet but keep doing what your doing & take each take as it comes.

JCG

xx

pebbles88

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

Good on you Pebbles! It looks like things are finally starting to look up and that black cloud is starting to clear. It may take a long time yet but keep doing what your doing & take each take as it comes.

JCG

xx

Thanks, just found out that DH got another mobile contract on the day he left, we already have one each. I'm thinking he's got it for the net access with him not being here. But he hasn't breathed a word to me. That with him then wanting to take me out tonight, just feels like mixed signals! Just feels deceitful.

And if I'm honest, I can't be ar**d with games. I'm too tired. I love him, very much, but I need to not put myself through a wringer again, iyswim.

My head hurts :-(

JustinCredibleGillespie

You should just ask him outright but not in a 'your up to something' way cos I doubt very much that he is.

He sounds a lovely man thats trying to sort his head out mentally.

Whatever you do, do not go into panic mode. There could be a perfectly reasonable & acceptable explanation.

JCG

xx

anguk

Pebbles I've just read through the whole thread and my heart goes out to you. Most people struggle with one big problem but you've had two, your husband has walked out and you've had your mam and her health to deal with.

I really think you should be taking this respite time to get yourself well and refreshed, take this time for you. I know it's hard but let your husband have time to get himself better and work out what he wants, you just concentrate on you.

I know it's hard not to text and be in constant contact but I agree with the advice about writing down the things you want to say instead of texting, let him contact you, when and if he wants to.

I truly hope everything works out for you and your husband comes back once he's had a break and sorted himself out. But I do also think this is a time for you to get your strength back just in case things don't work out how you wish.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh and the last thing I want to do is add to your worries but I do think that you need to step back and just think about yourself for a while, you've spent so much time looking after others your own mind and body need a rest. xx

pebbles88

hey lovlies,

well ive had a lovely evening. When arranging what time DH was picking me up, he asked if we could have tea out as well, I replied that i couldnt afford it, but i had the money for the pictures so I would happily do us something here.

He said no i will pay for both, and i jokily said, well if your paying doesnt it make it a date.... to which he replied... ha ha lets see eh :-p

we had lovely meal at pizza hut, had a really good talk, not heavy, but just nice, even discussed that we havent ever really gone on a date together ever, as we were friends before anything happened, and it was only after a night out for a few drinks catching up, (hadnt seem him for ages & bumped into him in the street) that we actually admitted we liked each other, and it just went from there really!

Asked him directly about the phone, he said it was an impulse buy on the day he left as he thought it would cheer him up. but that now he's really thought, he's sending it back, as he could buy a new laptop/tablet thing within a couple of months if he saved the money from the price plan! i know its the truth, as neither of us has anything to lose or gain by lying.

So it was really really good. both very relaxed, touched on certain subjects, i said that i hadnt realised how stressful things were at home with everything until now, and could understand why he felt he had to go, and that i hadn't felt this free & bk to normal for longer than I could even think.

on way home, i asked that once he moves to this houseshare, would he still be happy for us to keep doing stuff, like going out for tea, him staying over at home sometimes etc, and he replied that 'yeah of course, the houseshare is literally just somewhere diff to stay with more privacy' and my heart did a little jig! not that I told him of course!

we had to pop to the shop on way home, he picked up a few toiletries, said to him he had some full bottles at home if he wanted them, but he said no, he wanted to leave them 'at home' and looked at me quite meaningfully. so, hopefully things are heading in a good direction.

so all in all, a really lovely night. and one that felt appropriate for my age (32) rather than staying in all the time. I actually think I have wore more of my wardrobe this last 10 days than I have in the last year as normally its work - then pj's when i get in! I am starting to feel rejuvenated finally.

BUT! there's still a long way to go for me. so yes a total 180 degree turn from me as last week I would have tied DH to the house to keep him here, now, I want some peace & quiet for me to do whatever I need or want to, like today, from 10 til 4 i sat in bed, watching some of my sci fi shows id receorded & sat making some greetings cards. bliss.

although I did feel bit awful, had to drop some tablets off to mum before we went, she really didnt look great, complaining of feeling sick. and before I left my house, she had rang 3 times in an hour chasing for what time i was going, she already knew, and got angry at me on the phone as she wanted me to bring a newspaper, said I wouldnt have time but as my sister was there with her, could she ask her to go, (bear in mind, the shop is a stones throw away from the care home) but apparently she couldnt, as had already been there that long.... 15 mins.....

anyway, i didnt take the paper, and got the sulky treatment when I popped in with the tablets. can't win sometimes eh. But as I said to my DH. I refused to let it spoil the evening, she was fine, would have plenty of company from the care girls (she still wont even go inead to any other areas of the home to meet the other residents) & that if she did get worse, they would call a doc if needed etc.

aarrggghhhh my bloomin head hurts! off to sleep now.
sleep well my lovlies. x