a fathers responcibilty to his kids

killiebabe

Everything COOLCAIT has wrote are not facts . It is exactly SPOT ON AND HOW IT IS. Thank you.

FatVonD

coolcait wrote: »

The ex-partner refuses to speak to the OP's husband about arranging contact with their child.

Sorry to drag this thread back up when it had died a natural death but everybody seems to assume that the ex doesn't speak to the father because she's being difficult. Has nobody stopped to think that the poor woman has had a stroke and will be finding it incredibly difficult to speak at all for crying out loud? I've worked with somebody who had regained enough use of the rest of their body to return to work (albeit with taxis at either end) and it was still incredibly difficult for him to make himself understood, even face to face with the benefit of facial expressions and being able to see when he was trying to formulate a word. Over the phone, no chance!

The fact remains that the father chose to live 6 hours away from his child though he is able to visit.

The mother has not chosen to have her child a 6 hour journey away from her and would be unable to travel to see him.

Given that the OP seems unhappy on her husband's behalf about himhaving to make the entire 6 hour journey to collect the son he doesn't see for weeks at a time I can't see that he is going to be willing to deliver and collect his son from the mother's house so he can maintain contact with her so how exactly is that what's best for the child?

Mojisola

FatVonD wrote: »

Sorry to drag this thread back up when it had died a natural death but everybody seems to assume that the ex doesn't speak to the father because she's being difficult. Has nobody stopped to think that the poor woman has had a stroke and will be finding it incredibly difficult to speak at all for crying out loud? I've worked with somebody who had regained enough use of the rest of their body to return to work (albeit with taxis at either end) and it was still incredibly difficult for him to make himself understood, even face to face with the benefit of facial expressions and being able to see when he was trying to formulate a word. Over the phone, no chance!

So why doesn't she get something in writing - through the computer or dictate what she wants to say for someone else to write down?

There are ways round a physical communication problem.

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

So why doesn't she get something in writing - through the computer or dictate what she wants to say for someone else to write down?

There are ways round a physical communication problem.

I agree getting things in writing would be best but the father calls her so she gets her parents to speak to him.

Mojisola

FatVonD wrote: »

I agree getting things in writing would be best but the father calls her so she gets her parents to speak to him.

How difficult would it be for her mother to say "X finds it difficult to talk on the phone so would you write/text/email her in future so that the two of you can discuss arrangements"?

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

How difficult would it be for her mother to say "X finds it difficult to talk on the phone so would you write/text/email her in future so that the two of you can discuss arrangements"?

They have written!

POPPYOSCAR

All the judgements and accusations help no one.

Surely the only way forward now is to put aside any personal feelings and ask to meet up with the ex and her parents, sit down and try to work out something that could possibly suit them all.

It will take compromise on both sides, I expect.

Mojisola

FatVonD wrote: »

They have written!

The ex's mother has written a frustrated "why aren't you doing more" letter while the father has been trying to do more but not getting information back from the ex.

duchy

We only have the OP's word that the letter was "nasty"

It may very well be it was straightshooting and asking the father to man up and take responsibility for a journey that is impossible for his child's mother and very difficult for her elderly parents. Also to arrange dates ahead of time-remember the time he has their son is when they have a breather. It's tough enough to care for a five year old when you're getting on (actually it's tough at any age ) but they have their daughter's care needs too. Maybe if communication was better and dates arranged properly in advance they could get respite care for those times and have a break themselves? Carers get forgotten.....until they burn out and can't do it anymore. The parents need a break -and whilst not couched in the most tactful terms-that letter is asking a father to help with his own son -and sounds like they are to desperate to be polite about it (or have tried the subtle approach already and it sailed straight over his head-Men aren't always good with hints !)

If the father did leave the mother for the OP (something she's not denied) I can understand not wanting to communicate with him or her -I was really angry for a long time with my ex not so much for his affair which was plain stupidity on his part and did him a lot of long term damage but the fact he was happy to swan off and leave me caring for our disabled son and my mother who shortly after we split had a brain anurism. He got all the fun stuff-his life went on -mine had ground to a halt and the first four years were damn tough . I can understand her resentment of him -that she feels he abandoned their family at a time he was needed the most. As for going for custody -frankly that disgusts me-wanting to take a child away from the only person who has consistently been in his life-especially when travelling for access visits would be difficult or impossible seems selfish at best. The child has three people who love and care for him-they seem to be asking for him to help more and be better organized but communication is difficult -Really he needs to go talk to the parents if the mother won't connect with him and ask her what he can do to help and then work out between them what is best for everyone.....but I fear anyone who forces an elderly couple to drive 6 hours because he can't be bothered driving the full distance to collect his son himself isn't too good at thinking of others.

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

If the father did leave the mother for the OP (something she's not denied) I can understand not wanting to communicate with him or her

The mother has had a very tough time but she still has to think of her child and that child has a father. If there are any reasons - physical or emotional - why she can't speak to her ex, she needs to put something else in place - someone to act as an intermediary or do everything in writing.