a fathers responcibilty to his kids

killiebabe

my partner relocated to scotland to live with me, after splitting from his ex partner, whom he has 2 children too.. during the split it was discussed where his children would live .. his oldest daughter decided to stay with her mother in england (daughter being 18)
my partner wanted to move his son only 5 yrs, to scotland but his mother (my partners ex) then decided he would live in england too... his ex partner n family moved in with his ex`s parents.,, since the move my partner has contributed child maintenence, for his children and still is for his youngest. and we have had the kids here in scotland for holidays throughtout the year and other occasions.
( the law in england and wales states that children born after december 2003 that have both parents registered on the birth certificate of their child have both parential responsibilitys for the child irrespectable of whether they were married or not )

today, my partner recieved quite a nasty letter from his ex girlfriends mother stating hes shunned his responcibilitys as a father.. and how she wants him to take his youngest child more for holidays etc,,( which may i add is NOT a problem as wed be delighted to see him more.. ) as they are not coping having there disabled daughter back living with them plus her son.. (grandparents in their 60s). my partner and i constantly, phone asking for holidays that we can have the child in advance as english holidays are different from scottish 1s. which generally our phonecalls are ignored, has my partner got any rights? having joint parental responcibilities as the law states, that should he decide to move his youngest son to live with us in scotland, as his disabled ex and her parents are not coping too well with the 5 year old child? me and my partner are both working and are financially stable to have his son come live with us permantly,,, but where does my partner stand within the eyes of the law on this matter?

any advice would be helpful and appreciated.

clearingout

your partner doesn't have any rights as such, but the child concerned has a right to a relationship with both his parents.

You can't simply 'take' the child or refuse to return him, unless mum is in agreement. I am assuming mum isn't in agreement with a permanent move? The Law in Scotland and England is different so can only speak from my English experience but essentially, if you believe it is in the child's best interests to live with you, you need to take the issue through the court system and as the child lives in England, you will need to file for residence in the court nearest to his home.

If mum is resistant, and providing that the child is surviving satisfactorily (school on time, clean, homework done, health appointments made and kept, that kind of thing) it is very, very unlikely that a court would order a change in his residence. He is very young and his established bonds with his family in England will be very strong. It's about 'good enough' rather than one parent being substantially better than the other and whilst you may feel your position is 'better', the courts won't necessarily see it that way.

More holiday time might be what everyone needs if it can be worked out?

londonsurrey

Did he put the ex-MIL straight? As in "We were asking to take him for holidays, we got ignored. We want to take him for holidays, please just give us x weeks' notice".

the_cat

I think you are mistaking your OH's 'rights' with what is in the best interests of the child

Removing the child from the only home he knows, his mother, his sister, his friends, his school and his extended family to live a long distance away with you is hardly in his best interests, unless of course he is being neglected or abused where he is currently.

I think that the grandparents have a very good suggestion in you providing what is in effect 'respite care' by taking on more holiday duties. But you do not have any right to permanently change his care without a court deciding to award you custody and given that your OH can only have sporadic contact with his son due to the distance between your homes, that certainly doesn't seem likely

fannyanna

Would this little 5 year old boy want to leave his Mum, Sister and Grandparents to live with you and your OH?

You've got to see it from his point of view and I would imagine it would be a scary prospect for him.

fannyanna

Was this split quite recent?

sulkisu

clearingout wrote: »

your partner doesn't have any rights as such, but the child concerned has a right to a relationship with both his parents.

You can't simply 'take' the child or refuse to return him, unless mum is in agreement. I am assuming mum isn't in agreement with a permanent move? The Law in Scotland and England is different so can only speak from my English experience but essentially, if you believe it is in the child's best interests to live with you, you need to take the issue through the court system and as the child lives in England, you will need to file for residence in the court nearest to his home.

If mum is resistant, and providing that the child is surviving satisfactorily (school on time, clean, homework done, health appointments made and kept, that kind of thing) it is very, very unlikely that a court would order a change in his residence. He is very young and his established bonds with his family in England will be very strong. It's about 'good enough' rather than one parent being substantially better than the other and whilst you may feel your position is 'better', the courts won't necessarily see it that way.

More holiday time might be what everyone needs if it can be worked out?

Agree with this - especially as, if I have read your post correctly, your partner left the country and moved away from his child to be with you. This is not a judgement on your relationship, by the way. I would say the same if his ex had relocated to another country to be with a new partner and wanted to take their child (who until then was living with him) away with her.
Although previous requests for more holiday time have been met with refusal, the fact that the MIL would now apparently welcome this, I think the easiest and most productive thing to do, would be for your OH to ask his ex again. No need to rake up the past, or to try to set the record straight first - that will just get people's backs up. Just a simple 'yes we want to have him more, how about x week or x date?' They can hardly say 'no'.

Mojisola

There's obviously a problem at home or the ex's mother wouldn't have phoned. If the parents are struggling to look after a disabled adult daughter and a five year old, then something has to change.

Google "father's rights" and get some views from the fathers' support groups.

Is the child being well-looked after or is his well-being suffering? Would you be able to cope if you had him much more often if you and your OH are working? It could be difficult to organise occasional child-care.

DVardysShadow

killiebabe wrote: »

today, my partner recieved quite a nasty letter from his ex girlfriends mother stating hes shunned his responcibilitys as a father.. and how she wants him to take his youngest child more for holidays etc,,( which may i add is NOT a problem as wed be delighted to see him more.. ) as they are not coping having there disabled daughter back living with them plus her son.. (grandparents in their 60s). my partner and i constantly, phone asking for holidays that we can have the child in advance as english holidays are different from scottish 1s. which generally our phonecalls are ignored, has my partner got any rights? having joint parental responcibilities as the law states, that should he decide to move his youngest son to live with us in scotland, as his disabled ex and her parents are not coping too well with the 5 year old child? me and my partner are both working and are financially stable to have his son come live with us permantly,,, but where does my partner stand within the eyes of the law on this matter?

any advice would be helpful and appreciated.

Stop phoning and write instead. Reading between the lines there is tension between exMiL and ex, which ex is deflecting by blaming your partner. So when there are holidays write with an invite. And you OH could respond to the current letter along the lines

Dear ExMiL

Thanks for your letter. Nothing would delight us more than to have <5yr old> with us more often in the holidays. As you will probably know already Scottish and English holiday dates differ.
The next holidays we can give dates for are
<holiday> <dates>
<holiday> <dates>
<holiday> <dates>
<holiday> <dates>
We would particularly like to have <5 yr old> between <dates> but would be happy to discuss other dates.

Yours sincerely.

killiebabe

thank you
for everyones advice and imput... my partners ex GF will NOT communicate with my partner in any way .. wen he fones her she jus hangs up fone... so any correspondance has got to be made throught her mother whom she resides with,,, my partners ex GF had a stroke over 4 years ago , n its left her disabled on 1 side... this is why wen my partner relocated to scotland he felt his son would be better with him as his sons mother, relies heavily on her parents to care for her , but at the time of the move the child was to stay in england,,, now the grandparents are complaining there not coping well with having a disabled daughter n a 5 yr old to care for, they are soley caring for my partners child.. i.e doctors appts ,,, take to school ... wash dress etc,,, they probably felt at the time they could manage , we are willing to have the child more to stay with us... but would it be worth my partner going for full custody under the current circumstances????????

the nasty letter was not appreciated this smorning.. as my partner is very good with his children.. and myself n my family have accepted his children as part of our lives to n have been good to them..

on answer to another user : yes we both work , my partner full time monday til friday 730am til 430pm,, and i, part time backshift 330pm til 10pm so it would be maximum of 2 hours childcare would be required on the 3 days a week i work.. for the child. which my family would gladly help out with...

and for other user we havent actually approached the childs mother yet,, about relocating the child to scotland... apart from wen my partner moved here it was discussed then ..

thatgirlsam

How about you guys relocating to be nearer the son

Then his father can provide support whilst the child stays in the only home he has ever known.. with his mother