a fathers responcibilty to his kids

CH27

killiebabe wrote: »

i dont no why the ex wont speak to my partner she jus never has since he moved away.. she still can speak btw even thou she physically disabled. my partner doesnt no either.

Has he tried to go & see her & resolve things?

How often has he seen his son in the last 12 months?

the_cat

killiebabe wrote: »

i dont no why the ex wont speak to my partner she jus never has since he moved away.. she still can speak btw even thou she physically disabled. my partner doesnt no either.

Oh come off it. You can't be serious!

He leaves her after a long relationship soon after she becomes disabled. Takes up with you and tries to take her son hundreds of miles away with him (despite the fact that she would have no physical way of even visiting without serious amounts of help) and you seriously think there is no reason for her to be upset!:eek:

Whether you like it or not, he deserted his children by moving to Scotland to be with you. You were deemed more important than his children, despite knowing that they would be in a difficult position to even get adequate care given her circumstances

I wouldn't talk to him either. He is not imo fit to be a parent

killiebabe

pink shoes im sorry but ur advice is not practical jus now ... giving up a good goverment job to become unemployed how will this benefit his son with no income to provide for new home etc...


ch27 ; his son stayed with us on 7 occasions last year, for 2 + weeks or longer

killiebabe

the cat

plz read the facts n dont judge with rose tinted spectacles on.

the_cat

killiebabe wrote: »

the cat

plz read the facts n dont judge with rose tinted spectacles on.

I have read the facts and stand by my comments. The fact that you don't like them doesn't alter my viewpoint

You asked why she didn't talk to your OH. I simply gave my opinion as to the reason

clearingout

janninew wrote: »

I'm going to try and find an example in the morning as I know I've read threads along those lines and recently. I have certainly read that the PWC is entitled to move where they want and start a new life. The PWC in that thread was a women and it was a man asking for advice on what he could do to stop her taking their children away from him.

It is largely true that a PWC can move, yes, just as it is true that an NRP can move. It is not unreasonable that people get on with their lives following the breakdown of a relationship. People meet and fall in love or have job offers made or want to be with their families - they don't necessarily do it to spite their ex, it sometimes happens and needs to be worked out. Putting stipulations on new relationships such as 'if you move more than 25 miles you have to pay for contact' as one poster suggests is ridiculous and ignores the very wide range of legitimate reasons which impact on a person's life.

I am a PWC who moved a good distance - I had my reasons and I did my best to make things work close to the children's father. Unfortunately, he made my life very difficult and there comes a point where you do have to consider your options for your own sanity. It wasn't a decision made lightly. I did it to ensure that myself and my children have a decent standard of living and that I had family support so that I am able to get on and work and try and pick up the pieces of my life. This is not something I could do with the ex and the girlfriend driving past my house every day, cornering me in car parks, refusing to pay maintenance, swearing at me, involving the children in their games etc. etc. It was no life for me, it was certainly no life for the children. We are happier now and more settled with far more security than we would have ever had where we used to live. I make no apologies for doing what I did and I object to blanket judgements which ignore the individuality of people's situations.

OP - there is clearly a lot to consider, far more than you suggest in your original post. I would suggest legal advice as a starting point but there needs to be serious consideration as to the impact on both child and mum (and indeed, grandparents) if you were to look for a change in residence. I would at least look to speak to the child's school and any social work involvement that there may be to see what the reality of the situation actually is. Are the grandparents just fed up (and who could blame them?) or are they genuinely struggling with the responsibility? Mum doesn't deserve to lose her child as a direct result of her disability and it would seem a logical solution to try and narrow the distance between mum and dad for the child's sake. I would stop getting so hung up on the tone of the letter - one man's sarcasm and anger is another man's humour - you have no real idea of what was meant. Your partner needs to pick up the phone, take a deep breath and ask what the problem is and ask what he can do to help resolve it and then sleep on it before responding to see if he can genuinely help rather than dragging the whole thing through court. Get armed with the facts, rather than emotion, and work out what is going to be best for the child, preferably with everyone's input. You might be surprized - mum might have resigned herself to seeing the child in the holidays, for example, but is scared to suggest it?

Lunar_Eclipse

killiebabe wrote: »

i understand the grandparents are old and have a lot on there hands to deal with ...but why did they stop my partner from relocating his son to scotland a couple of years ago ... it wasnt there decision to make, for the child to live with them, they should have realised they would gt older n become less capable of looking after there daughter n grandson . we would jus like to know if it would help everyone if my partners son came to live with us permantly.

Because they love him and he's family.

Please imagine yourself back to being a 5 year old and think about this from the little boy's perspective.

What you have written above is absolutely heart breaking. Children should be kept with their mother, where at all possible.

I also suggest your partner considers moving back closer to his son, given the stress they are currently under. I would hope your partner feels his son is (by far) his number 1 priority in life, although I'm doubtful on the basis that he selfishly moved so far away previously. As an adult, you have the choice whether to move with him or not (or just enjoy holidays together! Sorry, couldn't resist.:D)

Tiddlywinks

So, your boyfriend left his recently disabled ex with the care of a very young child and moved to the other side of the UK just so that he could live with his new girlfriend? Am I right so far?

How did he expect her to cope?

Now you want his son to be moved away from his mother to the other side of the UK because your boyfriend is not prepared to move back to be nearer his son?

One word - selfish!

Lunar_Eclipse

[QUOTE=killiebabe;_giving_up_a_good_goverment_job_to_become_unemployed_[/QUOTE]

Nobody has actually suggested he give up his job (although seriously, what job is worth more than one's child?) Can he relocate? Government jobs come with the best benefits in the world - I'd start with a meeting with HR and looking at his terms for compassionate leave.

Also, what happened work wise when he relocated to move to Scotland. If he changed jobs then (for you), why couldn't he do it again (for his son)?

My final thought is that if you're in a serious relationship with this man, are you prepared to look after him financially as an interim measure, so he can move back, until he finds another job (if he can't find one before moving.) Personally I wouldn't have any issue with that (if he gave up his job and children to be with you), but it sure will be a lesson in (step) parental sacrifice.

My thoughts, if I was your partner are to start putting the son first and in your shoes, I'd be thinking about whether you're in this relationship for the long haul or not. You need to respect this man. Do you really think his current distance from his son/mother or contemplating moving the son to living with you are honourable? For the record, the son moving to live with you isn't a bad idea alone, but is given the distance he would then be from his mother.

killiebabe

thnx to everyones input... all your comments have been taking on board... even the ones (i didnt want to hear)))