a fathers responcibilty to his kids

killiebabe

he lived in the same house as his ex n children and worked full time ,, my partner was never married to his ex .. so no divorce proceedours involved..

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

lots of familys break up with children involved ... n move away,,, some further than others.. wer not being selfish we jus would like a bit of give n take from both party involved i.e the parents of the child... we feel we hit a brick wall everytime we contact his ex,, she is not willing to speak to my partner about arrangements for their son ... she leaves it with her mum to speak to us,, whom does NOT have gaurdianship/parental responcibility of his child.

Just because lots of people do it doesn't make it the right thing to do though

Why will she not speak to him? Is she very bitter about the break up? Were you the cause of the break up?

Maybe he should write to her and explain that he would like to take his son for more holidays - although I think thats still not really ideal, she gets to not have him for long periods of time, just because she has a disability

I really think your partner should think about what is best for his son, no-one else

Seanymph

so he left his job too?

The letter said he shunned his responsibilities in their opinion - you've asked on here and at least two of us are agreeing.

We aren't addressing 'lots of families' but the one you have chosen to entwine yourself with.

his child needs more support than he can give from that distance, so the obvious solution would be for him to move to be closer - it would be him standing up to his responsibilities as a parent.

As for 'give and take' you have no idea! These old people have given up their peace and tranquility and are caring for your boyfriends child as well as their daughter! Take about sacrifice!

And this disabled lady is providing 24/7 care without any help from the child's father whilst you do 'the holidays'. AND you think they should be paying for and making the travel so as not to inconvenience him after HE moved away.

You really do come across as very young, very selfish, and very inexperienced.

londonsurrey

killiebabe wrote: »

lots of familys break up with children involved ... n move away,,, some further than others.. wer not being selfish we jus would like a bit of give n take from both party involved i.e the parents of the child... we feel we hit a brick wall everytime we contact his ex,, she is not willing to speak to my partner about arrangements for their son ... she leaves it with her mum to speak to us,, whom does NOT have gaurdianship/parental responcibility of his child.

In that case, it sounds like the ex-wife needs to buck up her ideas and not have it all her way. So, the ex-MIL has opened the gates to direct communication.

Reciprocate. Someone has kindly written a sample letter in a posting before this. If the MIL is able the make the arrangements, then great.

If the ex-wife protests, then it will be clearly illustrated to the ex-MIL that her daughter is the problem here and to have it out with the appropriate party.

DVardysShadow

killiebabe wrote: »

also the LETTER states that they now expect my partner to travel 6 hour drive there to collect his child and 6 hour drive bk to scotland... they will NOT be meeting us half way as previously arranged.. afterall it was my partners fault for moving so far away. they want us to take the child more than what we do yet there not prepared to come n go with travel arrangements.. any suggestions here??????

Yes. Get some maps and 3 pins. Put 1 pin in where your partner and ex last shared a home with 5 year old. Put in another where the ex is now. And another where you are. Draw circles around where you are now and where the ex is now, representing half an hour's travel by the best means of transport available to each party. The draw further circles around those circles, adding as a radius the distance the respective parties have moved from the first pin.

Hopefully there should be some overlap between the larger circles. This will represent where each party can reasonably expect the other to go. Report the results back here for discussion.

RacyRed

How old is the little boy now?

killiebabe

i understand the grandparents are old and have a lot on there hands to deal with ...but why did they stop my partner from relocating his son to scotland a couple of years ago ... it wasnt there decision to make, for the child to live with them, they should have realised they would gt older n become less capable of looking after there daughter n grandson . we would jus like to know if it would help everyone if my partners son came to live with us permantly.

Seanymph

Of course it wouldn't.

Why should the child lose it's mother and family because your boyfriend chose to move house?

And why should the mother lose daily contact with her baby because of it?

If your partner moved nearby then I'm sure some sort of shared care arrangement would suit and benefit the child enormously - but you dont' get to take people's children away from them because you meet someone and want to move away to be with then.

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

i understand the grandparents are old and have a lot on there hands to deal with ...but why did they stop my partner from relocating his son to scotland a couple of years ago ... it wasnt there decision to make, for the child to live with them, they should have realised they would gt older n become less capable of looking after there daughter n grandson . we would jus like to know if it would help everyone if my partners son came to live with us permantly.

I would imagine they did it to keep from breaking their daughters heart

It was your partners choice to move away from his son - The boys mother has made no such choice - Why should she have her child taken from her?

londonsurrey

killiebabe wrote: »

i understand the grandparents are old and have a lot on there hands to deal with ...but why did they stop my partner from relocating his son to scotland a couple of years ago ... it wasnt there decision to make, for the child to live with them, they should have realised they would gt older n become less capable of looking after there daughter n grandson . we would jus like to know if it would help everyone if my partners son came to live with us permantly.

They didn't actually stop your partner relocating his son. They offered to do what they could to help their daughter. It's a subtle difference, but it means that it was "their business" in that respect.

If all you want to know is if it would help everyone, then this letter from the ex-MIL, although not at all pleasantly worded, means that she has afforded you the perfect means to do so.

Before the letter, writing to her would not be quite the thing, but now, it would be perfectly reasonable to do so. And keep copies of anything sent, just to maintain everyone's sanity.