a fathers responcibilty to his kids

thatgirlsam

Oh dear. I'm too confused now

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

Your timings also fall apart regularly - he left when the baby was one, AFTER she'd had the stroke, then four posts later he left before - he left 'ages ago' then he was living in the marital home until he moved in with you a year ago.
I really dont no where this info has came from .. He left wen the baby was 18months... I have been with my partner 4 years nows..

So he left to be with you?

princessdreamer

Either a troll or as nutty new partner either way I hope the child stays with the mother and enjoys a happy life. Too many times new woman show up with no clue and start shouting the odds. If you want a child ave your own, if you want a man find a single one rather than split up families. I'm outta here.

killiebabe

I have never lied in any of my posts on here .. Have only sought genuine advice from all.. Now it seems my actions are wrong in doing so. Seems i will learn the hard way by not asking for advice on any forums ... When all my info is taking in twisted around and chewed up and spat back out at me. Thanks to those who did genuinelly help thou.

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

I have never lied in any of my posts on here .. Have only sought genuine advice from all.. Now it seems my actions are wrong in doing so. Seems i will learn the hard way by not asking for advice on any forums ... When all my info is taking in twisted around and chewed up and spat back out at me. Thanks to those who did genuinelly help thou.

You asked for advice on what to do, and you got some

It may not have been the advice you wanted to hear, too often people ask for advice then get the hump when people don't say what they want

Ellejmorgan

I have a disability and my ex moved away..didn't occur to him to even live in the same town as our 6 year old and 2 month old baby..
He knew I was waiting for more surgery on my back and wasn't able to drive to get kids to school.

His idea of support is £5 per week per child and and has already broken his contact order twice..

Even if i have to crawl along on the floor when i can't walk I will, if I have to struggle and have no money I will..
Nothing in the world would allow him to have my kids despite him trying to remove my eldest from my care twice..
Hell will freeze first, he moved the 150 miles I live where the kids were created..

***OP I think it's nothing to do with you and no way should he take this child, you should keep your nose out..it's between them..

coolcait

Seanymph wrote: »

If you have children then the dynamic is completely different - and it's very relevant. How strange not to mention it earlier.

I've just reread the entire thread - and I don't believe a word of it.

Someone who works for local government in a job she can't lose but can't spell or string together a sentence?

Your timings also fall apart regularly - he left when the baby was one, AFTER she'd had the stroke, then four posts later he left before - he left 'ages ago' then he was living in the marital home until he moved in with you a year ago.

If it's a genuine post then I feel sorry for your partner, and his ex and
children.

This post;

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/50917699#Comment_50917699

Tells us the daughter is no longer living there, is in conflict with the mothers household, and is pregnant at 17. It also tells us you have no job, no income, and are living off the fathers wage. And that he is not paying ongoing maintenance.

Your other post is trying to fraudulently claim your exes PPI.

Lovely.

I however am out.

I've read all the OP's posts, and didn't come to any of the above conclusions.

As I understood the posts, the OP has been on leng-term sick leave from her job. She was recently found 'fit to work' for clerical duties, but her actual job doesn't include clerical duties!

Local government jobs cover a huge range of tasks, with a wide variety of skills required to fill them. Not all of the jobs require you to have a firm grasp of grammar, spelling or numeracy.

If you have a secure job at the moment, it would be extremely foolish to give up it. This is particularly true if your skills set limits the opportunities for new jobs.

Your comment about 'not paying ongoing maintenance' does not reflect any of the information about the substantial lump sum which was paid a couple of years ago. Nor does it reflect the information about 'lawyer's advice' being involved in arranging the current situation.

I think your spin on the PPI reclaiming posts is unfair and inaccurate. The OP asked a few questions about old joint accounts and credit cards. Like many people, she didn't seem to understand the ins and outs of the financial maze. When she received the advice that she couldn't claim, and the explanation why, she accepted that. No fraudulent claims.

Although the OP did not state explicitly that she has children of her own, I certainly gained the impression that she did. The reference to the difference between English and Scottish school holidays was a big clue. If the OP didn't have children in the Scottish school system, then the differences wouldn't have been a factor. There was also the reference to the fact that the OP 'and her family' have accepted her partner's children as part of their lives.

I haven't seen any major discrepancies in timings. As I understood the story, there were two 'leavings' at different times. The OP's partner 'left' the relationship at a point before his ex had a stroke. He 'left' England at a point after that. So, the relationship had ended before the ex had the stroke.

I find myself in the unusual position of being inclined to believe the OP (that rarely happens with threads on this board).

I don't know whether that's because I don't have any baggage to do with exes and contact and distance, so I'm just looking at the facts (mind you, I try to just look at the facts anyway. There are usually enough posters to provide the 'emotional response' replies!).

Maybe it's because the OP's syntax, and way of expressing herself, does ring true to the local dialect. Maybe that's why I'm also 'hearing' and understading her posts differently.

For me, the big fact which came out of reading the previous posts was the probable explanation for the grandparents' request at this time.

The child's older sister moved out of their home a couple of months ago. The grandparents lost a helper.

coolcait

thatgirlsam wrote: »

You asked for advice on what to do, and you got some

It may not have been the advice you wanted to hear, too often people ask for advice then get the hump when people don't say what they want

Generally I would agree with that view.

In this case, however, I do feel that the OP's assessment of what has happened to her on here is perfectly accurate.

Some of the responses seem to be less about ensuring that the solution 'what is best for the child' and more about 'what is best for the mother'. There are a few which seem to be about 'what is worst for the father'.

I know that this board gave up all pretence to be 'all about the moneysaving' a long time ago. However, 'give up your job, and your home and move back' is not commonsense advice on too many practical levels. Pointing that out is not 'excuses, excuses'.

There also seems to be an underlying assumption that the child's mother cares deeply about her child. We don't know that. We knew absolutely nothing about the child's mother, until the most recent post reporting her daughter's view of her.

However, in the great tradition of 'sometimes you can't do anything right', the OP's partner will still be found to be in the wrong even if his ex is a vile and selfish unfit mother.

In the judgement of Solomon, the true mother was willing to give her child up completely because that was the best thing for him. Of course, Solomon wasn't dealing with the added issues of relationship break-ups, refusal to talk to an ex-partner, and so on.

In fact, the modern day judgement of Solomon would probably be about a father and mother arguing over custody of their child. And when Solomon proposed that they cut the child in half, I have an awful feeling that both parents would snap 'Fine! As long as his/her new partner has nothing to do with the half-child!'

duchy

the_cat wrote: »

Oh come off it. You can't be serious!

He leaves her after a long relationship soon after she becomes disabled. Takes up with you and tries to take her son hundreds of miles away with him (despite the fact that she would have no physical way of even visiting without serious amounts of help) and you seriously think there is no reason for her to be upset!:eek:

Whether you like it or not, he deserted his children by moving to Scotland to be with you. You were deemed more important than his children, despite knowing that they would be in a difficult position to even get adequate care given her circumstances

I wouldn't talk to him either. He is not imo fit to be a parent

This is how I see it tooMIL is obviously at the end of her rope-How about your BF mans up and goes down to see her, takes her out to lunch (prearranged) and actually TALKS to her about the whole situation ?Frankly the thought of expecting an elderly couple to drive halfway so the child can see his father smacks of complete selfishness on the part of your BF. These people are caring for their disabled daughter and his child and he EXPECTS them to run after him too ? There's a clever invention called the aeroplane which I hear is the new fangled way of travelling greater distances -fares if booked in advance are reasonable-perhaps the father should look into it if he finds the driving too taxing (although if he does heaven knows how bad the GPs find it )

Tiddlywinks

killiebabe wrote: »

Why is everyone so ready to tear my partner to bits for his actions so far.. He has been a bluddy good father so far... Theres a lot of fathers out there tht dont give 2 hoots bout there childrens welware

Eh? Apart from moving to the other end of the UK, you mean?

killiebabe wrote: »

Also does it really matter how far my partner decided to mOve .. This is side tracking from what difficulties that are happening now.

Don't be ridiculous - of course the distance matters - it's hardly just around the corner is it. Not just a short trip in case of an emergency.

Not even close enough for parent evenings, school plays etc

killiebabe wrote: »

He left wen the baby was 18months...

He's a prize really, isn't he? Leaving his baby with a disabled mother so that he can suit himself and move hundreds of miles away to be with his new girlfriend - oh yes, makes you proud!

Don't get me wrong, I undertand couples split BUT parents should try to stay close to their children - no, they should WANT to stay close to their children.

This guy moved a long way from his child without any regard for the mother's circumstances - that's my issue.