a fathers responcibilty to his kids

Seanymph

And one wonders if it would be the fathers desire for the child full time, or if it's the new partner who is so driven.... that's why I say we are responding to the OP in posts - if it was the father seeking support and a solution because he was afraid for his child my response may be different.

But it would still centre around 'get yourself down there' 'be around them' and 'learn the situation whilst supporting the current status quo'.

killiebabe

Thank u for all ur posts .. It seems everyone has a different view on what we should do... Althou may i point out... Why is everyone so ready to tear my partner to bits for his actions so far.. He has been a bluddy good father so far... Theres a lot of fathers out there tht dont give 2 hoots bout there childrens welware ... Whereas my partner does .. We havent done anything yet like take the child away from its mum ... Wer only exploring the options that we could have... Wats wrong with my partner having custody of his child? N his ex gtting her son for holidays ,, occasions etc as this would defo lighten the load at her end... It would b exact same as is happening now only reversed.. So as iv sed nout is in place jus now.. Wer only exploring wat options have been given to us.. Thanx for all imput

killiebabe

Can i jus add my partners 18 year old daughter is all for her father looking to have the wee one stay with him as she feels her mOther has abandoned her duty n care to the upbringing of her child.. "she cant be bothered with him no mOre" was her words to her father.. Yesterday ! The grandparents are left to do it all n there not coping as they now have health problems ... So in the best interests of my partners child ... All options WILL be looked at . Thanx for all input

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

Thank u for all ur posts .. It seems everyone has a different view on what we should do... Althou may i point out... Why is everyone so ready to tear my partner to bits for his actions so far.. He has been a bluddy good father so far... Theres a lot of fathers out there tht dont give 2 hoots bout there childrens welware ... Whereas my partner does .. We havent done anything yet like take the child away from its mum ... Wer only exploring the options that we could have... Wats wrong with my partner having custody of his child? N his ex gtting her son for holidays ,, occasions etc as this would defo lighten the load at her end... It would b exact same as is happening now only reversed.. So as iv sed nout is in place jus now.. Wer only exploring wat options have been given to us.. Thanx for all imput

I think the difference is that it was your partners choice to leave the family home and no longer live with his son. His Mum hasn't made that choice. It really isn't as easy as saying you will take him to live with you

There will always be worse parents in the world so measuring him against other dads makes no difference

Although I would like to say well done for actually wanting your partners child to live wiith you, plenty of step-parents wouldn't.

FBaby

killiebabe wrote: »

Wats wrong with my partner having custody of his child? N his ex gtting her son for holidays ,, occasions etc as this would defo lighten the load at her end... It would b exact same as is happening now only reversed.

Of course it wouldn't be the same at all.... not the same because your partner's ex had 5 years to spend just about every minute of her life with her son, that's her normality as that of the child, whilst your partner, through his choice, has got used to seeing his son every few weeks only. That's his normality. If he was missing his child so badly, he would find a way to go back to where his son lives to see him more often.

I very much doubt you are a pwc yourself because if you were, you wouldn't say such heartless words. This woman lost in a few months her partner of at least 15 years and her health at a very young age and almost lost her baby then. Could it possibly be that this poor mum is suffering from severe depression and that is why she is not coping? That it has all got too much for her, but her son is the only thing left she has worth living for... and taking him away would just be the end of her?

The grandparent didn't write asking for your partner to take the child away, she is asking for his support and him being more present to HELP not to make things worse. How can you say that taking the child away would lighten her LOAD....that child is not a LOAD, it's the baby she cared for 5 years. Yes, it would make things easier for her from a practical point of view, but I suspect it would add a massive weight on her psychologically and emotionally not to have her child living with her any longer, knowing she had to give him up because she couldn't cope.

If it was the mum who had contacted him and asked to discuss him taking over the care of the child, than I would feel very differently but it isn't the case so far. I really really feel for the mum, I can't imagine what she must have gone through in the past 5 years and I find you expressing so little compassion very odd.

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

Can i jus add my partners 18 year old daughter is all for her father looking to have the wee one stay with him as she feels her mOther has abandoned her duty n care to the upbringing of her child.. "she cant be bothered with him no mOre" was her words to her father.. Yesterday ! The grandparents are left to do it all n there not coping as they now have health problems ... So in the best interests of my partners child ... All options WILL be looked at . Thanx for all input

Is it that she 'can't be bothered' with him anymore or is it that she is struggling to cope because of her disability?

I think the travelodge suggestion is a good one. Your partner should be booking a room asap, and going to see them to talk face to face. He needs to do it straight away.

Seanymph

The OP is not a PWC - she is childless, she's already said that.

It also seems all relatively 'new' - it is a HUGE commitment to take on this child, and he would need amazing stability - not to mention support to maintain his relationship with his family.

I do not think it is your place, as his fathers girlfriend, to have any input in this process.

This man should be getting himself to his children, and seeking to support their mother as much as possible.

CH27

killiebabe wrote: »

Thank u for all ur posts .. It seems everyone has a different view on what we should do... Althou may i point out... Why is everyone so ready to tear my partner to bits for his actions so far.. He has been a bluddy good father so far... Theres a lot of fathers out there tht dont give 2 hoots bout there childrens welware ... Whereas my partner does .. We havent done anything yet like take the child away from its mum ... Wer only exploring the options that we could have... Wats wrong with my partner having custody of his child? N his ex gtting her son for holidays ,, occasions etc as this would defo lighten the load at her end... It would b exact same as is happening now only reversed.. So as iv sed nout is in place jus now.. Wer only exploring wat options have been given to us.. Thanx for all imput

That's debatable!

What is best for the child is the most important question.
Your wants 7 needs don't come into this.

killiebabe

In reply to FBABY my partner cared for his son since he was born as his ex had others ideas about parenting which i will not go into... But wen my partner decided to move n take his children with him .. It was a big NO NO from the grandparents as they would take over care to keep mother n children together which they felt they could at this time... But now they write saying there not coping... We are only looking at long term effects... Read my previous post what my partners daughter has said .

thatgirlsam

killiebabe wrote: »

In reply to FBABY my partner cared for his son since he was born as his ex had others ideas about parenting which i will not go into... But wen my partner decided to move n take his children with him .. It was a big NO NO from the grandparents as they would take over care to keep mother n children together which they felt they could at this time... But now they write saying there not coping... We are only looking at long term effects... Read my previous post what my partners daughter has said .

But if she is as bad a mother as you are implying why on earth did your partner move a 6 hour drive away??

You can't have it all ways, presumably he has had no issue with her parenting till now.. if he has he must be insane to move so far away.