a fathers responcibilty to his kids

emweaver

killiebabe wrote: »

thank you
for everyones advice and imput... my partners ex GF will NOT communicate with my partner in any way .. wen he fones her she jus hangs up fone... so any correspondance has got to be made throught her mother whom she resides with,,, my partners ex GF had a stroke over 4 years ago , n its left her disabled on 1 side... this is why wen my partner relocated to scotland he felt his son would be better with him as his sons mother, relies heavily on her parents to care for her , but at the time of the move the child was to stay in england,,, now the grandparents are complaining there not coping well with having a disabled daughter n a 5 yr old to care for, they are soley caring for my partners child.. i.e doctors appts ,,, take to school ... wash dress etc,,, they probably felt at the time they could manage , we are willing to have the child more to stay with us... but would it be worth my partner going for full custody under the current circumstances????????

the nasty letter was not appreciated this smorning.. as my partner is very good with his children.. and myself n my family have accepted his children as part of our lives to n have been good to them..

on answer to another user : yes we both work , my partner full time monday til friday 730am til 430pm,, and i, part time backshift 330pm til 10pm so it would be maximum of 2 hours childcare would be required on the 3 days a week i work.. for the child. which my family would gladly help out with...

and for other user we havent actually approached the childs mother yet,, about relocating the child to scotland... apart from wen my partner moved here it was discussed then ..

If she is that badly disabled and your partner is concerned she can not cope with their son why did he move so far away just for another woman!? It is not fair on the child moving him so far away from his mum, sister and other family , friends etc.

janninew

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Yes, thats right

Anyone who thinks a dad who moves a 6 hour drive away from a son with a disabled mother with questionable parenting skills (ops words) is a bitter man hater :rotfl:

I will agree all that matters is the welfare of the little boy

Was the Mum disabled when Dad moved away, has that actually been confirmed yet by the only person who can possibly know? Or are we assuming that?

There are a few posters (one in particular) that pop up on threads like this and their bitterness towards men shines through. Think their contribution to this thread was that the best thing to happen would be little boy staying with Mum. That to me is the best solution for Mum, maybe not for the little boy.

emweaver

killiebabe wrote: »

also the LETTER states that they now expect my partner to travel 6 hour drive there to collect his child and 6 hour drive bk to scotland... they will NOT be meeting us half way as previously arranged.. afterall it was my partners fault for moving so far away. they want us to take the child more than what we do yet there not prepared to come n go with travel arrangements.. any suggestions here??????

Why should they go out of their way and meet you half way it was his decision to move to Scotland not theirs! It is the fathers responsibility to collect and return the child if he wants to see them.

thatgirlsam

janninew wrote: »

Was the Mum disabled when Dad moved away, has that actually been confirmed yet by the only person who can possibly know? Or are we assuming that?

There are a few posters (one in particular) that pop up on threads like this and their bitterness towards men shines through. Think their contribution to this thread was that the best thing to happen would be little boy staying with Mum. That to me is the best solution for Mum, maybe not for the little boy.

No, I think that has been confirmed

The OP also said there was questionable parenting skills when he went

Would you move so far away from your child in those circumstances?

I think parents have a right to move on when they split up, but in this case I think the dad has been selfish, it is only my opinion though, without knowing the family I can only go on what has been written

I am not a man hater

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

The previously mentioned idea of Dad going down once a month for a weekend is very good. There's no travelling for the child, the grandparents will have some respite, the father can see the situation at home and the two parents can perhaps get to talk face to face (if the mother will).

It would seem that people on both sides of the fence think that this could/should be the way forward. I'd be interested to hear from the OP whether this is something they would consider doing?

emweaver

killiebabe wrote: »

yes lunar lots of ppl have suggested we give up our jobs to move closer. its local goverment authority we both work for not overall goverment....as iv previously stated what good would be giving up a job to become unemployed ( in this current lack of jobs climate) be to his child as he would have to money to financially support him them.

Trust me spending time with your father is much more important than his bank balance and what he can buy you at that age. As for the mother, I'm sure the extra help in looking after him, will be more appreciated than maintenance if she is disabled.

POPPYOSCAR

thatgirlsam wrote: »

No, I think that has been confirmed

The OP also said there was questionable parenting skills when he went

Would you move so far away from your child in those circumstances?

I think parents have a right to move on when they split up, but in this case I think the dad has been selfish, it is only my opinion though, without knowing the family I can only go on what has been written

I am not a man hater

This is fair enough comment.

But the constant 'slagging off' in some posts(and I am not referring to you) does nothing to help the situation does it?

We do not know the full circumstances, of exactly how this situation came to be and circumstances change.Perhaps it was agreed he should move by all at the time? Perhaps the income he provides for the child is of more importance? All supposition.

The ideal thing would be for the father to move closer but how would that impact on the financial side of things for everyone including the child? I Know money is not the most important thing but it has to be a consideration.

It is no good just saying the mother should not compromise,and that the father must do everything, that will not solve anything, and who in the end will be the one to suffer the most?

The child.

emweaver

coolcait wrote: »

No. The older child stayed with her mother and grandparents in England.

The father had split up with the mother before she had the stroke. He moved to Scotland some time after that.

To date, the father and the grandparents have met halfway. They have now said that they cannot do this any more. At no point has the OP's partner suggested that they make the round trip.

They have also said that they cannot care for the younger child so well as they used to. These developments come a short time after the the older child, who had fallen pregnant while in the care of her mother and grandparents, was kicked out of the grandparents home.

Given the timing of the banishment of the older child, and the subsequent comments from her, there is at least a possibility that the reason the grandparents now want a change is that they have lost their live-in nanny.

(See, I can do sarcasm too!)

That said, apart from the last paragraph, all the above are actual facts.

I really don't understand why people are having so much difficulty following a story which - in terms of who did what and when - seems to me to absolutely clear-cut :eek:

Are you a relative or just a friend of the OP?

janninew

thatgirlsam wrote: »

No, I think that has been confirmed

The OP also said there was questionable parenting skills when he went

Would you move so far away from your child in those circumstances?

I think parents have a right to move on when they split up, but in this case I think the dad has been selfish, it is only my opinion though, without knowing the family I can only go on what has been written

I am not a man hater

I was never implying you were a man hater, I've read many of your comments on this and other threads and you come across as fair!, Others on here do come across as man haters, which is their choice, but it does make them a bit blinkered!

I personally wouldn't move away from my child (haven't even left my daughter with anybody since she was born!) But as others have said, don't judge unless you've walked in their shoes. To many assumptions have been made, I try and see the good in people unless told otherwise - but maybe I'm just naive! :rotfl:

POPPYOSCAR

OP Please do not take any notice of some of the posts attacking you on here. As someone has already said there are some people who have had bad experiences and tend to take it out on posters such as yourself.

I hope you all can set up a meeting and get this sorted out for the sake of the little boy.