prob with other halves attitude to my daughter compared to his kids

mum2one

I know its hard, but from the sounds of it, its not an isolated incident, you need to put your daughter first, I fully see you love him, but what is this doing to your relationship with your daughter.

tell him he has to change or else, its not just you its your daughter, and shes important in all this.

Sorry if thats not want you wanted to hear, but you have to put her 1st, its an arguement now, what about next time? Don't let there a next time x

Trazy

Bin him, your daughter comes first

notisis

Is there no one close to both of you, a friend or relative, who could talk to him and point this out. Perhaps someone else could make him see how unfair he is being. If not, then I would say that you have to put you and your daughter first. Eventually I suspect, both and your dd will end up resenting him and his children to the point of no return anyway.

southerngal

I seriously do not want to give up on the relationship just yet ... as I said both dd and I love him greatly ....... but it is very hard work, his ex is also very manipulative and clever, I was just looking for advice or to see if anyone else had been in this situation and managed to turn things around for the better.

sausageface

Do you not ask what he is going to Maplins for and then say DD needs batteries as well?

He may well feel guilty towards his children for not being there full time so try and make up for that with supplying them with their fun, paid for things to do/ things they need but he must understand that your DD needs to have these things/experiences as well (not unjustified things and spending for the sake of it but just to be treated on an even levelbecause she may love him now but one day she is going to realise that all is not being fairly shared and she will resent him, his children and you for not making everything fair for her and treating as an equal to the others. What would he be like if you and he had a biological child together?

If it is his guilt/duty leading him to be like this then he needs to realise that he doesn't have to spend/buy to show his children that he loves them and enjoys spending time with them. But, if it is that he actually does favour his children on that much more of a superior level them, it is you who has to think about the affect that will have on your DD.

McKneff

I havent trawled through all the posts but I have to say you arent helping matters.

If your daughter needs batteries, just go and buy them. full stop.
They arent even worth mentioning.

What happens when she is ready for life if you see what I mean, do you have to ask for permission to buy her things that she needs on a monthly basis.
Just do it, let him do the objecting then tell him if he doenst like it to f.u c., off. Stand up to him. Your daughter comes way, way before his feelings.

rileydog

You say that your DD loves your partner - do you feel he loves her too?

The money/treats thing could be that he feels that when he has his kids over is an 'occasion' and he needs to take them to activities and treat them whereas your DD is part of everyday life where the fact of the matter is that treats are not so frequent, especially when money is tight. That said if they are all being taken out together there should be no differentiating between them.

southerngal

May I just say that it is not us that have paid for his children to go bowling, swimming etc over the last 3 weeks its his ex, whom he feels sorry for cause she is struggling with money on over £300 pw ( which apparently he dosnt believe she gets as she tells him she is always struggling ) we even look after his kids during the week so she can go and earn a bit more money on the side ..... he says she declares this ..... cos she tells him she does, but I highly doubt she declares all of 6 hours a week work . Basically he believes anything she tells him and I have to too or I'm causing problems ...... makes me so cross .... but as I said my dd has to be told tales of all the wonderful things they do but we have to keep quiet of things she does in case we upset them !!
Suppose I came here for help and advice to try and deal with this ....

southerngal

rileydog .... I would like to think that he loves her too, but his way of showing it is pretty rubbish ........ its not just treats its also how he treats her ..... prime example my dd had something to eat a few weeks ago which she had eaten before but apparently this time didnt like it, he said she shouldnt be so fussy as it was all we had and that if she didnt want to eat it this was fine but she wouldnt be allowed a desert ........ then lo and behold his kids came round a couple of weekends after and we fed them something they had def eaten before but his ds apparently no longer liked it, I mentioned tha he had eaten it before and oh told him to eat it ....... at this point his ds burst into tears ( as my dd had done ) and he was told not to worry eat what he wanted and was still allowed to have his desert ...... I was so mad ........ and yes to my shame I bit my tongue as I dont want his kids to see me as an ogre

sausageface

So in 8 months you and he haven't taken his children or your DD anywhere apart from your DD to McDonald's once and it's the other Mum who has taken the kids out? I'm just a bit confused from your posts.

You can't begrudge her taking her children out and if she is skint as a result of it then it's on her head be it. You could do the same for your DD - they have £1 cinema showings on a Saturday and Sunday mornings, bowling and a burger meal for a £5 during holidays/week nights, parks are free... You sound like you have more of an issue with the ex than you do with your daughter not going out?

I'm a single mum with three children; I work almost full time but do get tax credit top ups so in essence I am a "single mum on benefits" and it's not easy, we don't live the life of Riley but if you want to treat your kids there is always a way of doing things on the cheap. If he is concentrating on his children then you make sure you are the one concentrating on yours and then whatever happens you know you will have done right by your DD.