prob with other halves attitude to my daughter compared to his kids

southerngal

Hi all, just want to vent as am getting a bit annoyed, been with oh over a year now, we live together and are on a limited budget, we just have my dd living with us, his kids come twice a week .... his kids are lovely so this is not the problem but its his attitude to what my dd can get away with and what his can and also his attitude to his children needing everything under the sun but my little girl is entitled to nothing as we have no spare cash ......... a prime example would be I had been saying for ages that I wanted to get my dd a set of recharagble batteries which cost £8.00 ... as I thought this would save money in the long run he agreed but this was then forgotten about .... fast forward a couple of weeks and his son was moaning he didn't have batteries when we were out shopping so on the way home he asked me to stop at Maplins and told us to wait in car ...... he came out empty handed and I asked him what he had wanted in there ....... he said he wanted to buy a set of rechargable batteries for his kids as they needed them ........ when we got home he said that he would get them so they had them for the following week ......... I said remember my dd needs some too ....... his answer ......... but thats £8.00 .... I was dumbfounded and actually have not said anything ...... please remember that whichever kids we bought them for all come out of OUR household budget ..... this is just one of many examples ...... but whenever I even begin to touch on the subject it ends up in an argument ...... much more to this and will elaborate if I get some thoughts .........

angelsmomma

My thought is that if this was me I would be out of there. I will probably be flamed for this but don't care as I can't be doing with this sort of thing. I am a single mother and would never put my son into a situation where his needs were being placed behind another persons children. I would rather be alone until he is grown up.

DVardysShadow

"Love me? Then love my child as I love your children!"

74jax

Do you ever say anything? I only ask as maybe he doesn't actually see what he is doing. You say you didn't mention anything so does he know what he is actually doing. I know you said when you have it has caused arguments but is that an argument EVERY time or just once or twice and you've let other things 'go by'

I have a DD and was a single mother for a long time, I would not have liked to have been in the situation you are.

I think you should point out ALL the times this has happened and explain that from now on they are all treated equally. If he chooses to put his children first then that is his prerogative and he can choose that (wrongly I think but he's a grown man) and you need to decide if you and your daughter can live that way.

Mupette

Get rid of him, your dd comes first in your life, stuff him.

DylanO

Your poor daughter. Why won't you stand up for her against this bully? If her mother won't, who will?

southerngal

74jax ...... I have tried to say things but as I said it always end up in apparently me causing an issue ......... trouble is I do love him very much and he does have some amazing qualities ..... but when it comes to his kids ....... and his ex for that matter ..... it seems nothing is too good or too much but me and dd have to just grin and bare it ...... there are so many other examples ....... I get very upset ...... his ex is apparently rubbish with money dosnt work, single 4 kids on benefits in excess of £300 per week, yet apparently he feels sorry for her as she is struggling with money and his children suffer because of this ....... we are now living on approx £120 per week and yet he feels sorry for his ex and kids ....... in the past 4 weeks, his kids have been bowling, swimming and cinema that I know of ......... we took my dd to cinema last weekend ....... this is the first day out she has had with us in 8 months ...... yet she has to listen to all of what they have been up to and yet we have to tell her she cant do these things ...... what gets my goat is when we first got together, we were taking my dd to Mcdonalds after his kids had gone home one Sat and he asked my dd to not tell his kids we were taking her as his kids wouldnt like that we were taking my dd and not them ......... grrrrrr

southerngal

DylanO .... I have tried but he just gets angry ........ another big prob is dd loves him very much too

Mojisola

southerngal wrote: »

74jax ...... I have tried to say things but as I said it always end up in apparently me causing an issue ......... trouble is I do love him very much and he does have some amazing qualities ..... but when it comes to his kids ....... and his ex for that matter ..... it seems nothing is too good or too much but me and dd have to just grin and bare it ...... there are so many other examples ....... I get very upset ...... his ex is apparently rubbish with money dosnt work, single 4 kids on benefits in excess of £300 per week, yet apparently he feels sorry for her as she is struggling with money and his children suffer because of this ....... we are now living on approx £120 per week and yet he feels sorry for his ex and kids ....... in the past 4 weeks, his kids have been bowling, swimming and cinema that I know of ......... we took my dd to cinema last weekend ....... this is the first day out she has had with us in 8 months ...... yet she has to listen to all of what they have been up to and yet we have to tell her she cant do these things ...... what gets my goat is when we first got together, we were taking my dd to Mcdonalds after his kids had gone home one Sat and he asked my dd to not tell his kids we were taking her as his kids wouldnt like that we were taking my dd and not them ......... grrrrrr

It's gone on for so long that you can see he's not going to change. Do you want you and your daughter to spend the rest of your years living with this situation?

What long-term effect do you think it's going to have on your daughter? Aren't you going to get increasingly resentful?

vax2002

distressing to watch but we are animals all said and done and instincts run through us
watch how other animals respond to offspring of new partners that are not their blood and learn the animal that runs in a man and what is behind his thoughts that he can not control
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZRw0IYdf3g
The lion is bound by genetics to destroy the old cubs so his genes carry on.

Millionaire

Hi Southerngal,

If you have spoken to him and explained to him numerous times and he hasn't changed then unfortunately he never will.

From experience of someone close to me in a similar situation it seems you may have to choose between your daughter or him.

He obviously doesn't feel he should have to contribute towards bringing up someone else's daughter.

Think of your daughter and how it will effect a young childs mind and as he isn't changing, leave him. Your daughter is more important.