Birth Mother

hazyjo

Just wanted to say good luck and I hope it goes well. Am another vote for 'do it'.

I was adopted as a baby and have often thought about tracing, but doubt I ever would. If I had my own kids, I might be more inclined to (as is often the case).

It used to be the case that those who gave up a child couldn't trace them. Well, it was virtually impossible. I would imagine that your birth mother is still under this impression and has left the ball in your court. It is slightly easier now I believe for the adoptee to be traced, but at 80-odd, I doubt very much she'd start the process! Just clarifying that for those who say/think that she's not contacted you so why should you trace her...

Really wishing you the best of luck - keep us informed.

Jx

Spendless

I'm another go for it. The minute I saw your original post, I remembered a post you once made, saying that your (adoptive) mother remembers seeing someone at the place where you were as a baby, crying and only realising years later that she'd seen your birth mother - because you grew to look like the woman she'd seen.

I thought of it straight away, but hesitated in putting it. If the above is too personal, reply or PM me and I'll remove the post.

In her 80s your birth mother may have memory issues and carers but not ness so. I've an 86yo grandmother as sharp as a pack of needles, and an 88 yo one who until 4 months ago was also so.

Artytarty

Oh my goodness! That post just gave me goose bumps all over.Really, honestly it was such a physical reaction!
What a poignant post.

seven-day-weekend

Spendless wrote: »

I'm another go for it. The minute I saw your original post, I remembered a post you once made, saying that your (adoptive) mother remembers seeing someone at the place where you were as a baby, crying and only realising years later that she'd seen your birth mother - because you grew to look like the woman she'd seen.

I thought of it straight away, but hesitated in putting it. If the above is too personal, reply or PM me and I'll remove the post.

In her 80s your birth mother may have memory issues and carers but not ness so. I've an 86yo grandmother as sharp as a pack of needles, and an 88 yo one who until 4 months ago was also so.

No, it's not too personal, I'm glad you've posted it.

I have actually wondered over the years though whether it is actually true, or whether it was my adoptive mother's way of telling me that my birth mother loved me and didn't make her decision lightly.....

Not that it really matters now I suppose.

I also agree about her age. My adoptive mother was mentally sharp into her late eighties.

poet123

Artytarty wrote: »

Oh my goodness! That post just gave me goose bumps all over.Really, honestly it was such a physical reaction!
What a poignant post.

I had exactly the same reaction, I read it in work and felt quite tearful.

NickyBat

Good luck OP, i wish you the best of luck, i really do.

victory

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have actually wondered over the years though whether it is actually true, or whether it was my adoptive mother's way of telling me that my birth mother loved me and didn't make her decision lightly.....

Either way it is a beautiful image to hold in your mind and I do sincerely wish you all the best, send the letter, it is best to know than always wonder;)

seven-day-weekend

Thanks to everyone. I haven't felt well today, so haven't done anything further with the letter. Hopefully will in the next few days. I'll update as and when.

Mrs.W_2

Seven, I hope your health improves soon. I have nothing to offer but my best wishes.

ammonite

A relative of mine traced his birth mother who was in her 80s (he was 60s).
She gave him up because she had had him whilst her husband was fighting in WW2. The husband issued an ultimatum - either the child went or he did. So naturally in those days the child went because of the shame of being left by your husband. I guess your birth mother will be of this generation too... anyway....

She agreed to meet him alone once. They met up, it wasn't a huge success and they didn't meet again. She died a year or two later....and then her OTHER sons and daughters (who knew nothing of this until the mother's death) were desperate to meet their half brother. They all get on brilliantly and although won't be a "proper family" they all wanted to get to know him and it HAS been a success. I'm glad he met her, I'm sad she wasn't keen to know him more (as he is lovely) but I'm thrilled that his family have had a chance to get to know him and wanted to get to know him. What seemed like a bad meeting with his mother has transpired to "getting" lots of half brothers and sisters who want to love him.

Lots and lots of luck, xxxx