Birth Mother

seven-day-weekend

Janey3 wrote: »

That's the road I took, via the Social Services,(Adoption) - they were excellent and counselled me through everything. They sought, found and gave me my original birth certificate and Court Order and then the ball got rolling.

I already have those from when I had the counselling ten years ago. Just got to find them!

sparrer

Errata wrote: »

I sense that some who have posted have done so from the heart and from their own personal experience. But I'm guessing not so many from the experience and point of view of a woman in her 70's or 80's who because of circumstances 50 / 60 years ago gave up a much loved child. Walk a mile in their shoes and the landscape and emotions will be vastly different.
It's worth noting that studies show that around 80% of mums and daughters who get in contact and are reunited go on to have a loving and solid relationship.

Errata I agree that some who have posted have done so from the heart and from their own personal experience, I can pick some of those posts out too. It is only right that those who have been there respond with their history and experience, if nothing else to advise the OP of all possible outcomes. Not that she sounds like she needs it, she seems very level headed and has obviously gone into this with her eyes open. My urging her to go through the professional channels is because this is a subject very close to my heart indeed, and for everyone's sake I would hate to see it go horribly wrong. It's good that many (though I'm not sure about the 80% figure) go on to have a good relationship, I hope and pray that the OP and her possible BM are among them and wish them all the very best.

seven-day-weekend

sparrer wrote: »

Errata I agree that some who have posted have done so from the heart and from their own personal experience, I can pick some of those posts out too. It is only right that those who have been there respond with their history and experience, if nothing else to advise the OP of all possible outcomes. Not that she sounds like she needs it, she seems very level headed and has obviously gone into this with her eyes open. My urging her to go through the professional channels is because this is a subject very close to my heart indeed, and for everyone's sake I would hate to see it go horribly wrong. It's good that many (though I'm not sure about the 80% figure) go on to have a good relationship, I hope and pray that the OP and her possible BM are among them and wish them all the very best.

Thank you for the compliment - the counsellor said exactly the same thing ten years ago! :rotfl:

Lunar_Eclipse

!!!!!! wrote: »

She has put it to the back of her mind for so long

I think very few, if any, people would put this to the back of their mind. I can imagine that for many women whose babies were adopted, the reverse is more realistic and they may be grateful to (eventually) find peace in this decision, by facing their biological child (who in this case has had a happy life.)

You do raise a good point about the OP receiving an adverse reaction though, which I think she has said she is prepared to face.

seven-day-weekend

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I think very few, if any, people would put this to the back of their mind. I can imagine that for many women whose babies were adopted, the reverse is more realistic and they may be grateful to (eventually) find peace in this decision, by facing their biological child (who in this case has had a happy life.)

You do raise a good point about the OP receiving an adverse reaction though, which I think she has said she is prepared to face.

Yes I am. I am well aware that not everyone wants their past coming back to haunt them. I just think that she should have a choice. I'll be no worse off whatever happens.

Lunar_Eclipse

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes I am. I am well aware that not everyone wants their past coming back to haunt them. I just think that she should have a choice. I'll be no worse off whatever happens.

I agree and would do the same in making contact without any shadow of a doubt. I feel bizarrely emotional for you and wish you the very best of luck for a positive outcome.:)

mimmy1977

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes I am. I am well aware that not everyone wants their past coming back to haunt them. I just think that she should have a choice. I'll be no worse off whatever happens.

If your like me and its a word I hate its about some sort of closure(yuck)
For me I spent way to many years looking at random people in the street thinking are you my family.

I know some people are saying about how your BM will feel after all these years but I think like you say she should have that choice.

I do genuinely feel for the parents in these situations,but as a "child "
my thoughts are with you,I know you have played this situation out in your head hundreds of times.X

seven-day-weekend

TBH, I don't particularly need closure, I have never had a problem with being adopted and haven't really thought about it that much.

However, now that there is a chance, I think it's one we should both have the chance to take. And it may be closure for her.

System

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes I am. I am well aware that not everyone wants their past coming back to haunt them. I just think that she should have a choice. I'll be no worse off whatever happens.

How can she have a choice when you intend to bring back her past regardless (assuming that it is your birth-mother)?

If you will be no worse off and you have no idea how it will affect her then surely the sensible solution is not to upset the apple cart. You can not second guess her and assume that she will want or even welcome the past being brought back up. You seem to be hell bent on contacting her come what may.

poet123

!!!!!! wrote: »

How can she have a choice when you intend to bring back her past regardless (assuming that it is your birth-mother)?

If you will be no worse off and you have no idea how it will affect her then surely the sensible solution is not to upset the apple cart. You can not second guess her and assume that she will want or even welcome the past being brought back up. You seem to be hell bent on contacting her come what may.

No one can know how she will react. But imagine you were 80, alone in the world and let's be plain did not have too many years left. Would you not think it likely that she is re living her life and thinking about that baby she had adopted all those years ago? There is only her to affect, no one need be any the wiser if she chooses not to explore the situation further, but there is the very real possibility that she could find a real "friend" in SDW (who sounds a lovely compassionate person) and her family. All this at a time in life when she is facing everything alone.

And if you were SDW and had this information could uou really let it lie knowing that you culd meet the woman who gave you life? Obviously, it is a sensitive subject but properly handled it could well be the start of something wonderful for all sides. I think it a chance worth taking.