Birth Mother

meritaten

after my nan died we (her family) found her birth mother. the circumstances were different to yours. the birth mother had gone on to have a marraige and more children. I spoke to the birth mothers nephew and he told me that his mother had told him in strictest confidence about her twin having a child. the family decided that no good would result about informing my nans family and we had no further contact.
This is different to your situation - your relative may believe there is no-one to mourn her. If you can meet her and not have any ill feeling then perhaps you should do so.
It needs to be managed with a lot of tact - and she may not want to be reminded - can you cope with that?
if so - I wish you luck.
dont phone - write, as a phone call out of the blue can be devastating.

moodydonkey

Has she tried to contact you? I certainly wouldn't ring her.

Philippa36

I agree with the above, a letter is definitely better than a phone call.

I traced my birth relatives 18 years ago and it has been very successful. My aunt gave a child up for adoption 50 years ago and he has just traced my cousins (unfortunately my aunt died 10 years ago) and they have also very successfully been reunited and are thoroughly enjoying getting to know each other.

Good luck!

seven-day-weekend

We have decided to go with the letter and stamped addressed envelope and I have written the letter. Won't post it until tomorrow after a bit of tweaking and making sure it is absolutely right.

I certainly have no hard feelings, I quite understand why the adoption happened. I also understand that she may want nothing to do with me. If so, I can handle that.

I just don't want to leave it and then find it is too late to do anything.

Thanks everyone for your help and good wishes.

McKneff

I'm sure you will let us know how you get on.

seven-day-weekend

McKneff wrote: »

I'm sure you will let us know how you get on.

I certainly will. It may not even be the right person, but dates and addresses and one or two other things match.

We shall see. It's a very odd position to be in.

kj*daisy

Something similar happened to someone I know, they made the contact and it's been a wonderful thing for them - hope its a good result for you too.

eliviajen

OP, could you please tell us the site so others could benefit?

I didnt realise that there were sites you could do this through, and we seemed to have exhausted all other "free" resources to do this.

Many Thanks x

seven-day-weekend

http://www.missing-you.net/categories/adoptions.php

I just put the barest details in and had loads of replies from people who had studied the birth/marriage records.

All I ask is that if you manage to identify me from the forum, please do not post the information on here. Please respect my privacy. Thanks.:)

sparrer

There is a professional organisation, Norcap, which will handle this for you, with the highest regard for privacy should either party not want to be contacted. They do a search and contact service but as you already have a possible name and address it makes the whole process much easier.

I would really encourage you to consider going this route, without going into personal details I can just say I know from experience that it can go horribly wrong if not handled in the 'correct' way.

Good luck and I hope you have a successful result