Birth Mother

seven-day-weekend

I have already had some counselling from a similar organisation to Norcap. It is compulsory for those adopted before the 1970s who are thinking of tracing their birth parents.

Errata

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I certainly will. It may not even be the right person, but dates and addresses and one or two other things match.

We shall see. It's a very odd position to be in.

If you've found her, it's a wonderful position for you to be in. Just because she's 80+ doesn't mean she isn't as fit as a flea. And I bet there isn't a day in her life when she' hasn't thought of you and longed for you. Send a letter then YOU talk to her on the phone - she's your MUM :j

nottslass_2

Errata wrote: »

If you've found her, it's a wonderful position for you to be in. Just because she's 80+ doesn't mean she isn't as fit as a flea. And I bet there isn't a day in her life when she' hasn't thought of you and longed for you. Send a letter then YOU talk to her on the phone - she's your MUM :j

Although some post adoption reunions can be great,I do need to point out that this person is not in any sense "MUM".

My Mum is the person who was there when I took my first steps,said my first word,kissed me when I hurt myself,read me a bedtime story,was there throughout the teenage years and above all loved me unconditionally and she is totally irreplaceable

DNA does NOT make someone Mum or Dad !!!

System

I am just wondering whether you have really considered the birth mother in all of this. She gave away a baby over 60 years ago. How do you know that she wants somebody to start dredging this up again? What effect would a (possible) dark family secret being brought out into the light again have on an 80 year old?

I think you need to consider very carefully about whether it is right or you even have the right to drop this bombshell on her lap. She has put it to the back of her mind for so long that I do not think any good will come of going through with this.

Errata

Nottslass - there's no point in you being picky about me using the word mum. A birth mother is as much a mum as an adoptive mother, but in a very different way. OK.

Amanda65

!!!!!! wrote: »

I am just wondering whether you have really considered the birth mother in all of this. She gave away a baby over 60 years ago. How do you know that she wants somebody to start dredging this up again? What effect would a (possible) dark family secret being brought out into the light again have on an 80 year old?

I think you need to consider very carefully about whether it is right or you even have the right to drop this bombshell on her lap. She has put it to the back of her mind for so long that I do not think any good will come of going through with this.

Or equally the poor lady could have spent the last 60 years hoping and praying that she would get to meet her 'baby' again.

OP I hope that if you do make contact that it brings comfort to you both and answers any questions you both have about the time you've had apart.

sparrer

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have already had some counselling from a similar organisation to Norcap. It is compulsory for those adopted before the 1970s who are thinking of tracing their birth parents.

You have had some counselling, so should she not have the same courtesy? After all it's going to be much more of a shock to this elderly lady than it is too you. And just supposing for a moment it's not her, have you thought how this lady would feel to get such a letter from a stranger out of the blue? You say you're almost certain, but you have to be 100% certain before going ahead.

nottslass I agree with you. A birthmother may be a mum but not to the adopted child, she signed away that right when the adoption process was completed. And what of the adoptive mother, how painful would that be, having brought up and mothered the 'child' all their life to suddenly have that child called someone else 'Mum'. There are many more people to consider than just the child and the birth mother.

Amanada65 agreed, in my experience it is more usual for birth mothers to yearn for news of their child than not. My concern is for the elderly lady who would have been looked down upon in an age when having children out of wedlock more often than not led to the family turning their back on the mother, so that she probably had to struggle to make a 'normal' life for herself afterwards. I think she went through enough without recieving a letter from a possible daughters family now.

nottslass_2

Errata wrote: »

Nottslass - there's no point in you being picky about me using the word mum. A birth mother is as much a mum as an adoptive mother, but in a very different way. OK.

From personal experience I can assure you that this really is not the case........

ankspon

Be absolutely sure you have the right person,i received a letter saying i was this womans long lost father,she went just by my name,not the fact i was the same age as her.

mimmy1977

Hi
My story is way to long to go into and hijack your thread.
In a nutshell my fathers family found me last year,6 years after he had died.Words can not describe how I felt happy and gutted at the same time.I will never ever meet him.So with that in mind,please seize the day.Yes she is an elderly woman,so a letter is better.

If you are like me,I am sure you just want to know either way.
Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.
At least you will know.

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.Hope it all works well for you.x