Birth Mother

clairec79

esmecullen wrote: »

I'm sure you are not...................... but my view is that by sending a letter may cause this lady a terrible shock....... surely you could get a Social Worker or someone from the agency to do the initial contact?

If a letter would give her a shock, surely a social worker/intermediary would still give her just as much of a shock?

sparrer

clairec79 wrote: »

If a letter would give her a shock, surely a social worker/intermediary would still give her just as much of a shock?

To open a letter on her own and see the content in black and white can be a shock to anyone no matter their age or mental/physical health condition, and leave her quite upset or bewildered. It can't preferable to someone visiting, perhaps having a cuppa with her and them approaching the subject in a delicate and tactful way. People are trained to manage just such situations, letters aren't. I'm very much for reuniting birth parents and adopted children, and am aware that many ways have been tried. The human aproach has always proven preferable, and more successful for all concerned.

piglet74

Spendless wrote: »

I'm another go for it. The minute I saw your original post, I remembered a post you once made, saying that your (adoptive) mother remembers seeing someone at the place where you were as a baby, crying and only realising years later that she'd seen your birth mother - because you grew to look like the woman she'd seen.

I thought of it straight away, but hesitated in putting it. If the above is too personal, reply or PM me and I'll remove the post.

In her 80s your birth mother may have memory issues and carers but not ness so. I've an 86yo grandmother as sharp as a pack of needles, and an 88 yo one who until 4 months ago was also so.

give me the shivers all over, i am almost in tears

i hope it all works out for you SDW, i really do :A

Mely

SDW... i just wanted to send you my best wishes x

pinkduvetdiva

Good luck SDW.

pavlovs_dog

what a conumdrum SDW. I think I'd have to send the letter to know that I'd done what I could. Whatever the outcome, at least I'd know I had tried.

Hope it all works out for you

Ginger_Poodle

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No, it's not too personal, I'm glad you've posted it.

I have actually wondered over the years though whether it is actually true, or whether it was my adoptive mother's way of telling me that my birth mother loved me and didn't make her decision lightly.....
QUOTE]

Your post above speaks volumes about your (adoptive) mum. For you to think that she may have said this to make you feel better shows what a wonderful, thoughtful, loving parent she must have been. You are both really lucky to have found each other.

Good luck for whatever you decide x

Bitsy_Beans

ammonite wrote: »

She gave him up because she had had him whilst her husband was fighting in WW2. The husband issued an ultimatum - either the child went or he did. So naturally in those days the child went because of the shame of being left by your husband.

This is exactly what happened to my gran who is sadly now deceased.
However inspired by this thread I have done some investigation as to more details about the half sister my mother has never met. I don't know if it's possible for birth relatives to trace adopted siblings but I am hoping to find out more.

I wish you all the best SDW xxx

seven-day-weekend

Ginger_Poodle wrote: »

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No, it's not too personal, I'm glad you've posted it.

I have actually wondered over the years though whether it is actually true, or whether it was my adoptive mother's way of telling me that my birth mother loved me and didn't make her decision lightly.....
QUOTE]

Your post above speaks volumes about your (adoptive) mum. For you to think that she may have said this to make you feel better shows what a wonderful, thoughtful, loving parent she must have been. You are both really lucky to have found each other.

Good luck for whatever you decide x

Thanks for this. She was lovely. She brought me up to be honest and trustworthy, and to respect people of all colours and creeds (apart from Tories :rotfl:, although she liked John Major ). She brought me up to have confidence in who I am. I have never, to my knowledge, envied anybody. She was always cheerful and smiling. She was intelligent and although not well educated, had learned a lot through reading. She would have made a good socialist politician or academic had she have been born into a different time and class. When she died at the age of 94 she still had a smile on her face. My dad adored her and he too was a source of strength and support to me , although he was 46 when they adopted me (my mum was 42).

I could not have wished for better parents and I hope I have been as good a parent to my son.

RIP Mildred and Bill (Mum and Dad).

seven-day-weekend

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

This is exactly what happened to my gran who is sadly now deceased.
However inspired by this thread I have done some investigation as to more details about the half sister my mother has never met. I don't know if it's possible for birth relatives to trace adopted siblings but I am hoping to find out more.

I wish you all the best SDW xxx

Good luck with your search.