Another 'am I being fair' question.....

the_cat

If your biggest problem with a 15 and 17 year old lad is how to divvy up the chocolate, then you can count yourselves very, very lucky

Heaven help you if they actually develop a real problem if this is your reaction to something so petty

rachbc

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

agreed



why should either me or my OH get more than the other, we both pay equal for it so should get equal

Because its really really petty. Sometimes I just don't fancy something, sometimes we want different things - sometimes I just have a taste for some crisps but hubby won't. Men need more calories a day than women- should he pay more for the food as he eats more? It all evens out over all. I share my life, my bed, my hopes and dreams with my partner - I'm not fussed if he has a extra packet of crisps than me regardless of who paid!

fluffnutter

rachbc wrote: »

Because its really really petty. Sometimes I just don't fancy something, sometimes we want different things - sometimes I just have a taste for some crisps but hubby won't. Men need more calories a day than women- should he pay more for the food as he eats more? It all evens out over all. I share my life, my bed, my hopes and dreams with my partner - I'm not fussed if he has a extra packet of crisps than me regardless of who paid!

+1

".. all that I have I share with you." Wedding vows innit. Squabbling over 'yours' and 'mine' when you love someone is behaviour you should have left behind in the playground.

elvis86

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

food should be split equally

thats how we work in my house

say if OH is getting a bag of nuts, i will get a bag of crisps

or if i get 4 pasta meals, he will get 4 pasta meals etc

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Same here, everything gets split. If we get a multipack of crisps, then we each get one of each flavour, if we get 6 tins of coke then we each get 3. It's very fair and there's no getting angry because someone has had more of something than the other.

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

why should either me or my OH get more than the other, we both pay equal for it so should get equal

All sounds absolutely pathetic to me. Rationing 10p bags of own brand crisps and 20p pasta sachets? What thrilling lives you must lead. I bet the s3x is great. Not.:D

I eat what I want to eat and what I fancy, when I want to eat it. Aside from how petty it is, it's not terribly healthy to eat something because someone else did, rather than because you're hungry. Are you overweight?

Do you ration everything in the same way?

If you have an extra shower after the gym (not that I imagine you go, if you're the kind of person who'll force a bag of crisps and 4 pasta meals down your grid just because your OH did and you don't want to be short-changed), does your OH jump in after you to make sure you haven't used more hot water/shower gel/shampoo than him?

If you go to the loo more often than your OH in any particularr day, do you have to leave your turd festering in the pan until the next day so as not to use more water than your OH?

Do you keep count of how often you go down on each other, just so it's 100% equal?:D

I'm getting silly now, but I'm just actually gobsmacked that you both found someone else who is happy to live like that.

Yes to general courtesy, I wouldn't regularly scoff a box of treats and deliberately preclude my OH from having any, but if he tried to tell me that we were divvying up a multipack of crisps (by flavour!) when they were purchased; I'd tell him to f**k off (right after I laughed in his face and assumed he must be joking as to suggest something so ridiculous!).:D

rachbc

ahhh Elvis you put it so much better than me!

fluffnutter

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Same here, everything gets split. If we get a multipack of crisps, then we each get one of each flavour, if we get 6 tins of coke then we each get 3. It's very fair and there's no getting angry because someone has had more of something than the other.

Why would you get angry just because someone's had both the salt and vinegar and left you with the two ready salted??

Jeez, some perspective is required!

Nicki

There are 5 of us in my family and if I bought a box of 24 flakes, it would not last my family a whole week, and I very much doubt I would get a chance to enjoy 4 or 5 of them. But it would never cross my mind to buy a wholesale size box of chocolate bars and keep them in my house, for that very reason. There is no way that, if they weren't in the house, that my family between us would consume 24 bars of chocolate in a week but resisting temptation is very hard especially for children.

Given that OP and her family have

1. serious weight issues
2. money problems which mean treats are hard to afford
3. constant conflicts around the issues of sharing food, "stealing" food, etc

I really wonder why she continues to bulk buy and store these treats, and that when she does and the inevitable happens, she seems surprised by this, and comes and starts a thread about it, which usually ends with her deleting the vast majority of her posts and retreating into injured silence? The fleeting gratification of possibly being able to scoff a flake with her morning coffee without having to go out to the nearest corner shop, surely can't be worth all the aggro that goes with that decision.

tea_lover

I am genuinely stunned that some people really divvy up their food like this. I might get miffed if my OH eats the last creme egg again, but generally if it's in the house it's whoever fancies it/gets there first.

Genuine question - do you have your own cupboards to split the food into? Seems more like a houseshare/uni sort of situation than a relationship.

fluffnutter

Nicki wrote: »

There are 5 of us in my family and if I bought a box of 24 flakes, it would not last my family a whole week, and I very much doubt I would get a chance to enjoy 4 or 5 of them. But it would never cross my mind to buy a wholesale size box of chocolate bars and keep them in my house, for that very reason. There is no way that, if they weren't in the house, that my family between us would consume 24 bars of chocolate in a week but resisting temptation is very hard especially for children.

Given that OP and her family have

1. serious weight issues
2. money problems which mean treats are hard to afford
3. constant conflicts around the issues of sharing food, "stealing" food, etc

I really wonder why she continues to bulk buy and store these treats, and that when she does and the inevitable happens, she seems surprised by this, and comes and starts a thread about it, which usually ends with her deleting the vast majority of her posts and retreating into injured silence? The fleeting gratification of possibly being able to scoff a flake with her morning coffee without having to go out to the nearest corner shop, surely can't be worth all the aggro that goes with that decision.

Well, (3) is as a result of (1) and (2) isn't it?

If you have serious weight problems, chances are you've got an unhealthy attitude towards food. If you're skint, the importance you place on (her own words) 'luxury' items is high.

In this household, high fat/high sugar treats have assumed mythical proportions of importance, because of the combination of an unhealthy attitude towards food and a lack of money.

Stands to reason then that there's so much fighting about them. They're a currency - a way to treat yourself and a way to determine who's disrespecting whom.

You can't expect this family to ever tackle (3) until they tackle (1). Until they have a healthier attitude towards food, they'll not be able to put the importance of a chocolate bar into perspective, and the mum will keep buying them, and keep exposing the entire family to this dysfunctional conflict.

What a depressing way to live

fluffnutter

tea_lover wrote: »

I am genuinely stunned that some people really divvy up their food like this.

TBH, it's not normal to do this. It's all symptomatic of a bigger problem. That's why many of us are thinking this is all a bit silly. It is silly. But only to people who've got normal attitudes towards treats.

I know I'm being a bit rude here but tinktinktinkerbell has posted in defence of splitting food like this. It's probably no surprise that she's battled with weight and food issues in the past (probably still is) and is pretty skint. Fits a pattern, doesn't it.