Another 'am I being fair' question.....

fluffnutter

Nicki wrote: »

The fleeting gratification of possibly being able to scoff a flake with her morning coffee without having to go out to the nearest corner shop, surely can't be worth all the aggro that goes with that decision.

Oh, but it is. That fleeting gratification is nirvana to someone with a food obsession. Plus there's a whole lot of denial going on. She's never going to be able to say 'this chocolate bar isn't worth the infighting'; she doesn't see that it's the family's unhealthy need for chocolate that's causing these problems. She just sees it as 'He ate my chocolate bar. He's out of order'.

picnmix

simply_tash wrote: »

It is interesting to hear of other peoples attitudes towards food.

In my house, it has never crossed anyone's mind that everything has to be shared equally. It has never been an issue, and never will be. If the food is there, it's there and open to anyone. When it has gone, it has gone.

Well said, IMO your post is the most sensible one on the thread and echo's exactly what I was thinking whilst reading some of these posts.

I would never dream of sharing things out equally between myself and my DH, or the kiddies for that matter.

I think my DH would think I needed serious help if I started telling him that he could only have 3 of this and 3 of that.

Would I get miffed if he ate more crisps/nuts/treats than I, of course not, it would never even cross my mind.

balletshoes

tea_lover wrote: »

I am genuinely stunned that some people really divvy up their food like this. I might get miffed if my OH eats the last creme egg again, but generally if it's in the house it's whoever fancies it/gets there first.

Genuine question - do you have your own cupboards to split the food into? Seems more like a houseshare/uni sort of situation than a relationship.

thats exactly what I thought as I read some of the posts about divvying up food exactly in half.

There were 6 of us (including my parents) when we were growing up, it was every man for themselves as far as the treats were concerned. When the treats were gone, they were gone. I didn't then, and don't now, feel particularly hard done by that I didn't get a Club biscuit because they had all been eaten by the time I got to the biscuit barrel.

Its the same in my household now - 3 of us, the food is bought for the household, including any food treats. When they're gone, they're gone, and no more is bought in especially until the next shopping day.

what happens, in those households where everything is divvied up in equal shares, when one of you has a friend round for tea/play/snack? Does the friend's portion have to come out of the member of the family's share who has invited the guest round?

it all sounds very complicated to me.

with the ages of the OPs children, I'd just stop buying the treats if its causing so much trouble in the household.

raven83

This thread makes interesting reading as to how other people view food etc. My cupboards are always full and i buy treats which my kids, 9,8,5 all have free reign to but they know the rules, once it's gone it's gone. And there has never been any need to split food equally as they all like different things etc. Soon people will be counting how many peas each they have or how many pieces of pasta they have :rotfl: it's just silly.

sassyblue

I think the splitting foods up thing is a result of having kids that kick up if someone say has eaten all the one flavour of crisps that another only likes?

In respects like that l can see why you'd need to 'share' them, and sharing with and respecting others in the family is the right thing to learn anyway!

I don't even tell my 5 y.o child he has to 'ask' for food like some parents have been saying. If he's hungry he'll either ask for me to get something for him or help himself to a biscuit, piece of fruit - that's fine with us.

Buttonmoons

Right, I'm evicting my DD as she eats more of the treats in the cupboard than I do, and she always wants to "share" my sweet, but never her own....thats like 3/4 share to her....(!!!)

That's just such a weird attitude, When my ex lived here, he used to always scoff all the icepops/ice creams, before anyone else got a look in, I just told him, leave me 1......he would leave me 1, then ask me like 4 days later "can I eat so and so" usually after I'd just eaten dinner so didn't want anymore food. Didn't matter though, I got more rage at the fact he put the empty boxes back in the freezer GRRRR.

elvis86

Buttonmoons wrote: »

That's just such a weird attitude, When my ex lived here, he used to always scoff all the icepops/ice creams, before anyone else got a look in, I just told him, leave me 1......he would leave me 1, then ask me like 4 days later "can I eat so and so" usually after I'd just eaten dinner so didn't want anymore food. Didn't matter though, I got more rage at the fact he put the empty boxes back in the freezer GRRRR.

Did your increasing resentment over the unequal consumption of ice cream eventually cause the relationship to break down?

Perhaps if you'd labelled them individually when you got home from the supermarket, you'd still be together?:(

SandC

See I am in support of divvying up of 'treat' foods but some of you have hit upon an attitude towards food issue and that made me think you are probably right.

As a child if I wasn't stopped I would just keep on going - with biscuits and chocs. As an adult who lives alone I can choose not to buy things like that so if I want some I have to go out to the shop and get it - 9 times out of 10 I'm not bothered enough to do so.

But surely it makes sense in some ways to those of you who don't do this? There must be some food treat items that all/both your kids love or that you and your partner both love which could possibly cause issues if one was to scarf the lot before the other got a look in?

For instance, if you ever buy those variety packs of cereal. Surely most kids want the sugary ones before the bran flakes and corn flakes - do you not have rules that they share equally? Like I said in a post earlier, my brother would have eaten every pack of crisps in the house given free reign. As it was, in order that I could have some out of the pack we had to have a rule that they were for sharing equally (or bartering with!). It would be an unusual treat to have something like choc ices in the freezer. Again, left to my own devices I'd have scoffed the lot but that didn't mean my brother didn't want a couple out of the box.

What I'm saying is are you all really lucky enough to have families who really aren't bothered about food very much, or do you actually sub consciously buy in x item for him, x item for her according to individual likes so you don't really have to think about sharing cos everyone has different stuff? My mum would not have bought a tub of vanilla ice cream and a tub of strawberry. It would be one or the other - because it's a treat.

Very interesting reading this!

fluffnutter

SandC wrote: »

See I am in support of divvying up of 'treat' foods but some of you have hit upon an attitude towards food issue and that made me think you are probably right.

As a child if I wasn't stopped I would just keep on going - with biscuits and chocs. As an adult who lives alone I can choose not to buy things like that so if I want some I have to go out to the shop and get it - 9 times out of 10 I'm not bothered enough to do so.

But surely it makes sense in some ways to those of you who don't do this? There must be some food treat items that all/both your kids love or that you and your partner both love which could possibly cause issues if one was to scarf the lot before the other got a look in?

For instance, if you ever buy those variety packs of cereal. Surely most kids want the sugary ones before the bran flakes and corn flakes - do you not have rules that they share equally? Like I said in a post earlier, my brother would have eaten every pack of crisps in the house given free reign. As it was, in order that I could have some out of the pack we had to have a rule that they were for sharing equally (or bartering with!). It would be an unusual treat to have something like choc ices in the freezer. Again, left to my own devices I'd have scoffed the lot but that didn't mean my brother didn't want a couple out of the box.

What I'm saying is are you all really lucky enough to have families who really aren't bothered about food very much, or do you actually sub consciously buy in x item for him, x item for her according to individual likes so you don't really have to think about sharing cos everyone has different stuff? My mum would not have bought a tub of vanilla ice cream and a tub of strawberry. It would be one or the other - because it's a treat.

Very interesting reading this!

I think it's about the level of response. It's not unreasonable to be frustrated if one person eats all the 'nice' things and doesn't consider anyone else. That's just rude.

But the obsessive divvying up, charging your children for food, getting angry if someone has the last whatever and threatening to remove internet access for a year is an over-reaction, IMO, and points to unhealthy attitudes towards food.

rachbc

I guess we don't have the issue because we just don't buy 'treat' food in bulk. If hubby pops out for choc then yes he'll get choc for everyone - and if someone doesn't want their bar then then it's there in the fridge waiting for them. But I would never by 24 flakes - especailly is 3 out of 4 memebers of the household have weight issues (like op), or there was a history of food being stolen (like op).

In our house sort of have a 'last thing' rule - you can't take the last one of anything without checking it wasn't being saved for something in particular. Kids have free access to bread/ teacakes/ crumpets/ fruit/ cereal and less healthy things they can only have 1 a day (though we tend not to have those in much anyway)