Gutted

Lifeupsidedown

He's away for work and the very night he left, an hour after saying he loved me, he changed his location on a dating website and sent explicit messages to random girls, all excited about the posh hotel! It's no wonder he wasn't keen on the idea of me coming down for a night!

Gutted!

londonsurrey

And you will be gutted, over and over again.

Every time you give him yet another chance, you think that your being generous and magnanimous and letting him see your pain will change him.

The reality is that every time you give him yet another chance, he's learning that all he has to do is put up with another ear bashing, yet another bout of tears, pat you on the head, and right, when's the next chance to sext again? You don't mean to, but this is actually what you're teaching him. It's being reinforced with each cycle.

FizzledOut

Oh, Life, honey. I'm sorry for this.

Change is a big scary thing (as I'm finding out). We like the comfortable "known" life and are sometimes willing to put up with a percentage of crap to keep in that comfort zone. You need to make the decision if this falls within what you find acceptable to keep within your comfort zone, or if you go. Only you can make that decision, despite what advice others offer.

I found out about my husbands inappropriate relationship on Sunday 5 Feb. We spent the next 3 weeks discussing options - 1, he stays and we try to work things out with counselling. 2, he stays for financial reasons, in the spare room, we consider ourselves separated, sort the house, sell and split. 3, he leaves. The first two options - I made clear - were on the proviso he stops all contact with her. I went to my sisters for a long weekend, he stayed home, didn't contact me once. Came home, checked his browsing history, messages on facebook (although deleted). Clicked straight into his mobile phone bill, saw hundreds (!!!) of messages over four months, all over that weekend (11.30pm the night before, 8am that morning) told him he had to leave.

His version is that he hadn't actually agreed to my proviso, so it was acceptable for him to live under the same roof as his wife (and son) and maintain what is essentially a sexual relationship with a young married woman.

Men will spin things around to make you seem the unreasonable one.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Have you had an HIV test yet?


I would suggest that you make an appointment for one pretty soon.

Lifeupsidedown

Thanks... I agree about the twisting things around. He said if I didn't hear from him by a certain time this morning, I could assume he had died in his sleep. I asked if this was a sick joke? He said I could take it literally - meaning he intended to text, but if he didn't, he would "actually be dead". Freaked out... he's ignored me all day. I called hotel and was crying on phone asking them to find out and they confirmed he had been for breakfast - so, looks like he's having a lovely day! Also, my friend set up a fake profile on the site he's on to see if he would bite - guess what? He did. Replied with his number WHILST texting me, not even trying to patch things up, just acting depressed about the whole thing.

So it's just ANYONE? Anyone will do! Is he right in the head?

londonsurrey

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

He said if I didn't hear from him by a certain time this morning, I could assume he had died in his sleep. I asked if this was a sick joke? He said I could take it literally - meaning he intended to text, but if he didn't, he would "actually be dead".

He's so playing you, like an immature teenager.
Next time he pulls that one(I guarantee it won't be the last time), I'd calmly ask that he signs a will leaving everything to his beloved(you) bar the usual specific bequests for his mum, brother, etc.

After all, if he really loved me, he'd do that, wouldn't he? Why would he want to leave someone he loved homeless and in financial turmoil? Anyhow, the funeral will cost about £2000 (they really do in London, even the basic ones, without a cemetary plot). And you'll have to get busy. If he hasn't called/texted by that time, you'll have to take his games consoles, etc down to the pub/boot sale to be sold. His stuff has to be cleared, and you have to get on with life. Oh, and there's the pub for the wake to be booked, and the landlord contacted about the change in tenant, and...

Lifeupsidedown

Aww, that made me laugh a little! Good idea.

System

Just move on. Sometimes you just have to move on for your own sanity.

Birdy12

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

So it's just ANYONE? Anyone will do! Is he right in the head?

Yep, it would appear anyone will do, just not you.

Is he right in the head? Shouldn't the question be 'are you right in the head for putting up with this crap?'

londonsurrey

May I ask if you've got a plan together for saving up a deposit, or getting out of there? Think of all the hours you spend worrying about him and crying over him. Even at minimum wage, if you spent that working, you'd be saving a really nice sum. Or spend the time eBaying stuff, or glamming yourself up, or studying,anything productive, rather than running after him.