Gutted

antw23uk

This guy wants you to dump him, he wants you to be the bad one because he is gutless and doesnt want to be the one to say its over. Thats why he isnt giving you anything back.

I say walk away. You are worth more than what he is able to give you and you deserve so much more.

At the moment your being the victim and that will NEVER feel nice.

Good luck and enjoy your life. You only get one so make it count :T

Lifeupsidedown

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!?!:eek:

It's a shame that you're not able to muster as much emotion or be as confrontational when it comes to the man who is making a fool out of you by messing around with other women, rather than letting him walk all over you, buying his !!!!!! about "not getting off on it" and making excuses for him, because you're seemingly so desperate not to be single.

Sorry OP, but I just lost a fair bit of sympathy for you. You obviously have it in you to fight your own corner and stand up for yourself, so why the hell don't you apply that in your relationship rather than wasting your energy having a go at random people on a forum, who by virtue of them looking at and responding to your thread, are only trying to offer the advice you came her asking for?

I actually do, with him. Lots of people have helped and I've appreciated every single reply - why don't you focus on that? I just don't understand why anyone would kick someone when they're down - I wouldn't do that but I've been on here for long enough and seen that even posts where people are really, really depressed, someone will come along and say something negative. Are you seriously accusing me of having a go at the people who are trying to help? This is the vast majority, but it's interesting how many people do jump on the bandwagon of negativity when it's there. I've been accused of nitpicking... I'm not the only person who has been nitpicking! I am focussed on sorting things out and if you look back you'll see that I didn't start this... I'm just absolutely stunned that something this bad and when someone is so miserable, the focus can be taken off the original topic and basically a person is kicked when they're already down. Interesting nobody has admitted or agreed with my suggestion of just PM'ing to ask the question or asking the question - seems very reasonable to me.

Lifeupsidedown

Birdy12 wrote: »

OK, enough with the constant ranting and move on.

I asked whether your other user ID was Hazeyjewel, bearing in mind the similarities to your situation. You could quite easily have responded with 'no, but it's interesting that she's been in the same situation as me, perhaps you could provide me with a link to their thread?'. Instead, you've gone off on some hysterical rant about being compared to another MSE'r whom for all you know, might actually be a decent person.

Isn't it more important to concentrate about what's going on in your home life? Isn't that why you orignally posted?

And yes, I understand sarcasm very well .

I probably would have responded with that if you hadn't made me feel guilty - referring to the "lovely" posters - and I felt like a timewaster, which, having come on here for support and feeling as bad as I do about myself right now, was unexpected and I didn't deal with it very well. I don't know this person - nor have I suggested they're not a decent person. I took offence to being accused of wasting people's time, I wasn't prepared for receiving that response - I came on for support and it was more than I could deal with. The purpose of your initial post, if you look at it closely, was not to support me, rather to PUBLICLY suggest I was wasting other MSE'rs time - you could have found out what you wished to know in a better way, without risking offence.

elvis86

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

I'm just absolutely stunned that something this bad and when someone is so miserable, the focus can be taken off the original topic and basically a person is kicked when they're already down. Interesting nobody has admitted or agreed with my suggestion of just PM'ing to ask the question or asking the question - seems very reasonable to me.

I'm stunned that you're in a relationship with a man who has repeatedly humiliated you and makes you feel worthless and unloved, and yet you choose to direct your attention (and anger) towards people that you don't know on an internet forum.

I'm stunned that you can get so worked up by the comments of randomers online, and think that you should probably close the laptop and sort your life out.

Lifeupsidedown

antw23uk wrote: »

This guy wants you to dump him, he wants you to be the bad one because he is gutless and doesnt want to be the one to say its over. Thats why he isnt giving you anything back.

I say walk away. You are worth more than what he is able to give you and you deserve so much more.

At the moment your being the victim and that will NEVER feel nice.

Good luck and enjoy your life. You only get one so make it count :T

Thanks - I'm pretty sure I agree with that (although I wish it wasn't true) and said something along those lines this morning! Said I was going to move out and he said he didn't want me to. He's really ashamed and has told me he doesn't think there's anything he can say to make it better this time around. (It's all been said before and he messed that up). I think there's a bit of depression there. Could be I'm making excuses... If someone has done something really, really awful, it's kind of hard to look at yourself and your behaviour so easier to deny it? I'm just saying this because I think if I felt very ashamed, I might just wish it away or bury my head in the sand if I thought the situation couldn't be solved or improved. What do you think?

Lifeupsidedown

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!?!:eek:, because you're seemingly so desperate not to be single.
?

I am definitely not desperate not to be single - I've been single most of my life and have never been one of this girls to "need" a boyfriend - some of my friends have a boyfriend all the time. I lived abroad for a year and actually really enjoyed being single for a long, long time! From the tone of your last 2 posts, I don't expect an empathetic response because, as you say, you've lost sympathy for me and my situation. Truth is, I'd miss him terribly, but I do have it in me to leave. This is because of seeing my parents relationship, I know it's better to have nothing rather than just "have anyone".

Rockporkchop

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

I'm just absolutely stunned that something this bad and when someone is so miserable, the focus can be taken off the original topic and basically a person is kicked when they're already down. Interesting nobody has admitted or agreed with my suggestion of just PM'ing to ask the question or asking the question - seems very reasonable to me.

With much respect, although your problem seems like the end of the world to you, it is really not such an immense problem and luckily it is something that is easily remedied.

You have had a one year relationship with a man who has turned into a loser - it happens. Not all relationships are destined to last forever. So kick him out, move on and find someone who makes you happy and shows you the respect you deserve.

Or am I missing something?

Lifeupsidedown

Rockporkchop wrote: »

With much respect, although your problem seems like the end of the world to you, it is really not such an immense problem and luckily it is something that is easily remedied.

You have had a one year relationship with a man who has turned into a loser - it happens. Not all relationships are destined to last forever. So kick him out, move on and find someone who makes you happy and shows you the respect you deserve.

Or am I missing something?

I can't kick him out... it's his flat! So option is to leave, which is tricky at moment as I don't have a deposit ready or a first month rent, or a car to shift my stuff! I guess once I've dealt with some feelings and feel a little stronger or more focussed, I'll deal with these practical things. It all seems so sad right now.

Rockporkchop

Can't you move in with friends or relatives for the time being, until you get a deposit together? You can get a friend to help you move or otherwise hire a van or a cab to move your stuff. Start to get your belongings ready now.

Seriously, it may seem sad now but you will look back and regret wasting even a second of your life being unhappy about someone like this.

Lifeupsidedown

Just want to post to say thanks for advice to everyone who has posted - even the "tough love" words are necessary and helpful, so thank you for taking the time to respond.