Gutted

bright_side

If you stay you will end up just slipping back into the way things were.....until the next time this blows up, at which point you'll feel even more hurt and foolish for believing things were ok again. If you don't leave NOW he'll just think he's gotten away with it and he certainly doesn't sound like he has any intention of stopping this 'habit'. If he REALLY loves you, he'll come after you and do everything he can to get you back. If he doesn't do that then why would you want to be with him anyway?? YES it will hurt like hell, but you WILL get over it.

Just for the record, in my opinion 'sexting' whilst in a relationship IS cheating and if someone ever did it to me, I'd never be able to get beyond it so I would have to end it with them. I'd rather spend the rest of my life single than to stay with a man who didn't respect me.

Lifeupsidedown

Update: I've been emailing and saying lots of stuff to him. Every time I've read a comment from some of you, it helps me to feel a little stronger and realise what he's been doing is not right. I got annoyed today coz he was posting football stuff on a SW site and didn't contact me to say anything (phone out of order since the scuffle the other night!) So I called and asked if he got my email, he said no. I'm now at the point where I feel I should move on, definitely helped by supportive messages. Even though it will be hard, I feel I should do it because I can't take any more of this. So, I phoned him and asked if he wanted to wrap things up and would it be okay to stay a few weeks until I got myself sorted? He said no, no, no I don't want that and I love you, he said that a few times. He also said I was setting him up for a "fun" night tonight (meaning lots of chat) and I said I needed closure, he said so you're basically saying it's over now it you don't get closure? I said no, I'm just giving you a way out. You don't have to do any talking if we just end it now, I'm just saturated with it all and need to decide what's going on one way or the other. Not sure what to do now... I feel he could have changed things if he'd started showing he cared before now. Feel it's maybe a bit too late. Really, what can he say?!

Birdy12

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

I got annoyed today coz he was posting football stuff on a SW site and didn't contact me to say

So you've spent the last 2 days worrying and mulling over where your relationship's going and, meanwhile, he's been what? oh, I see, posting football stuff.

Doesn't sound like he's been worrying too much, does it?

Really, I agree with rockporkchop, you need to get rid of the dead wood and move on. What's stopping you? You don't have a mortgage together, no kids, I'm assuming you work? Ask a friend if you can lodge with them. What about your parents? Can you move back in with them? Get out with your friends, have some fun and leave him to his footie stuff/texting various girls.

wapow

You seem not to be confrontational in person, but over email or text you can find it easier to get the words out. The way youve been bought up is to be considerate of others. This in turn gives you a soft heart.

He knows how to play you. He knows how to play you very well. He knows youre a softy and people like him are very manipulative. You were feeling strong at one point and now he already has you thinking about things again. You dont see him over email/internet so you dont get to hear or see him manipulating you. When youre in person though its harder for you to think for yourself. You wrap yourself around his words and his expressions whether you know it or not.

This is why its dangerous for you to stay with him. You need to get out ASAP.

The more you stay with him and around him and his presence, the easier it will become for him to play you. Soon enough you'll start to say youre working things out blah blah.

Things will then go two ways and it never goes for the better. Worst case is always the case.

A) He knocks you up.
He takes money and loans out under your name.
C) He tells everyone YOU are the one whos been cheating. (People will believe him over you)
D) He might start beating you.

So do yourself a favour. Leave to your family's house.

@Birdy12

I just noticed your signature now. Bought tears to my eyes!! FINALLY someones gets it!
I hate it absolutely hate it when people do that!

antw23uk

When he says he loves you he may be telling the truth, he may mistake love for caring perhaps? You just have to go with your gut instinct on this one im afraid.
I think you have been really brave and strong. Remember there are two of you in this relationship and he will also be feeling doubtful and not wanting to lose you ... but i do think he doesnt want to lose you for the right reasons and thats not fair on you and wont be fair on him in the long term. No one likes to lose or give up and/ or be alone but thats no reason to be with someone.

Lifeupsidedown

antw23uk wrote: »

Remember there are two of you in this relationship and he will also be feeling doubtful and not wanting to lose you ... but i do think he doesnt want to lose you for the right reasons and thats not fair on you and wont be fair on him in the long term. No one likes to lose or give up and/ or be alone but thats no reason to be with someone.

Thank you for your response, can I just check something? I'm not sure if you meant that he doesn't want to lose me for the right reasons or the wrong ones? Sorry for being ditzy - I'm not really!! Thanks for your kind words.

londonsurrey

I suspect that Ant means that he doesn't want to lose you, but not for the right reasons.

I agree with Ant. Think about it. He wants to do what he wants to do. You're nice and handy to have around, and it would all be good, if only you'd shut up about him doing the things he wants to do. Quite frankly, if I were the one leaving, I'd be half tempted to leave him a blow up doll on the bed, as it would seem to be what he wants - it waits for him, and doesn't complain (I wouldn't do it, of course, just one of the evil things that blow through my twisted sense of humour).

FizzledOut

I've had a huge Light Bulb Moment - this is what my husband has been doing (see my post Separation - Secrets, Lies and Spying). Huge LBM!!! HUGE! I feel physically ill (am at work too, spent ten mins in the ladies, colleagues prob think I'm having a cry over recent separation).

Over this stupidness my husband has walked away from our 23 year marriage (27 years together), lost my respect, the respect of our mutual friends, his place in our home, upset our small family, upset his 78 year old mother, and my family - nieces who loved him. Solicitor has advised we sell our home, pay off the mortgage, pay off the two large bank loans and split the money that is left. For pervy text messages?!?!?!?!?

I found (I don't consider it spying when he's already admitted to a relationship with a woman) his phone bills with hundreds of texts (over 30 in a day, early morning, late night), picture messages sent over 4 months. Holy Cr*p! Pervy texts?!?!? I don't know whether to laugh or actually cry.

There have been quite a few actual phone calls since I found out four weeks ago - and, having checked what he took when I told him to leave, there is a big box of condoms gone. Real life v Fantasy life. What an idiot.

Lifeupsidedown

FizzledOut wrote: »

I've had a huge Light Bulb Moment - this is what my husband has been doing (see my post Separation - Secrets, Lies and Spying). Huge LBM!!! HUGE! I feel physically ill (am at work too, spent ten mins in the ladies, colleagues prob think I'm having a cry over recent separation).

Over this stupidness my husband has walked away from our 23 year marriage (27 years together), lost my respect, the respect of our mutual friends, his place in our home, upset our small family, upset his 78 year old mother, and my family - nieces who loved him. Solicitor has advised we sell our home, pay off the mortgage, pay off the two large bank loans and split the money that is left. For pervy text messages?!?!?!?!?
.

Aww that's so sad! Hugs -< When did you find out?! What did you do? Did it take time or did you decide it was over? Did he leave coz he was ashamed?

antw23uk

Sorry i read it over and over and it still didnt make sense to me ... I did mean this .... I suspect that Ant means that he doesn't want to lose you, but not for the right reasons.