Is my OH stupid or am I mean ???

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

Man Hater Alert..........

Apparently not a big fan of women either...

Googlewhacker

mishkanorman wrote: »

It was pre pregnancy in the early part of last year - it all went on my credit card debt :money:

Oh all your debt then, nothing to him.....;)

mishkanorman

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Oh all your debt then, nothing to him.....;)

the debt came from purchasing OUR childrens bedroom furniture and a few other bits - the card is in my name as he doesnt have one. So rather than MY debt on the credit card it was THE debt on my card.

barbiedoll

When our son was small, my husband's father died. My husband's parents were horrible people, he had a very traumatic childhood and he hadn't spoken to his father for years. He had also lost touch with his siblings but they all met up at their father's house to take any stuff that they wanted and to arrange the funeral.
After the funeral, they all decamped to a local pub and had a meal, it was the first time that they had all sat down together for many years. A lot was said, a few bridges were mended and a lot of bad memories were laid to rest on that day. When my husband came home, he was feeling really good about himself, and he was so pleased to have seen his family. He then told me that he had paid for the meal for everyone. Which went down like a lead balloon as far as I was concerned, we had no money, I wasn't working and we were really struggling. To make matters worse, he had put the bill on our credit card which was supposed to be for dire emergencies only.

After a "heated" debate, we both calmed down and talked. He said that for the first time in his life, he felt able to hold his head up high in front of his family. He was proud of the fact that he had got his life together (he'd previously had trouble with the law when he was a kid, was put into care etc etc, you get the picture), he had a steady job, he was paying a mortgage, his car was completely "legit", he was finally a responsible adult who was able to treat his family to a meal. Of course, it was a bit of "showing-off" but to be honest, the fact that it was on a day that finally helped him to come to terms with his issues with his family and his past, made the money irrelevant. For the first time, he could show his siblings that he wasn't a failure, and he wasn't just a waste of space, despite what his parents said. And for a couple of hundred quid, it was probably less than therapy would have cost!

OP, your husband, like you and many of us, is probably feeling the pressure with the money situation, especially with a new baby on the way. Sometimes, a grand gesture just makes you feel a bit special, he probably didn't even think about how much the machine was worth in cash terms, he just decided that you/he didn't need it and someone else did. I doubt that there's anything sinister about it, nor does it make him selfish. I can see why you're seething, I would no doubt be the same, but he's a good guy and he meant well. You've had your tantrum, but for the sake of a few quid, let it go. And be proud of your hubby, he sounds like a gem!

louise3965

It isn't really any of your business anyway. You haven't missed out. He did a lovely thing, a really kind thing and now you are spoiling it by sulking and being all poor me. Call a truce?

mishkanorman

louise3965 wrote: »

It isn't really any of your business anyway. You haven't missed out. He did a lovely thing, a really kind thing and now you are spoiling it by sulking and being all poor me. Call a truce?

i am his wife, of course its my business - we joined together to share our lives.

It was an expensive item, not a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers !

duchy

Well....Had he won a box of chocs or flowers and given them to another woman THEN you'd really have something to moan about !!


Honestly-I doubt he'll make the same mistake twice and (dare I say it) the hormones are probably contributing too. It's done and you've made your point to him. Move on (after getting him to do those little DIY jobs he's been promising to do for age first-of course )

Gloomendoom

louise3965 wrote: »

It isn't really any of your business anyway. You haven't missed out. He did a lovely thing, a really kind thing and now you are spoiling it by sulking and being all poor me. Call a truce?

Even though I admire him for what he did, I wouldn't say that it is not the OP's business. She's married to him for Gawd's sake! Of course it is her business.

embob74

I think it was a bit thoughtless of your hubby to gift the washer/drier to the 16 year old. If her OH works and she does they could probably be bringing in more money and have less outgoings than the OP!

My OH does thing that make me question whether he puts myself and the children before others e.g the time he let his sister borrow his new vacuum cleaner and when he asked for it back she told him he would be better off buying a new one and he agreed!!! Meanwhile I have a vacuum cleaner which has had no end bit (so just the hose/pipe) for over 3 years now. I have mentioned my arthritis gets pretty painful trying to hold the pipe but his sisters needs seem to come first.

I honestly don't think men see things in the same way.
I think you have a right to feel a little bitter but as a PP said 'where will that get you?' Better to forgive him and move on. And maintain the moral high ground knowing you let him off his blunder......and store it in memory for your next big argument lol.

Owain_Moneysaver

duchy wrote: »

Move on (after getting him to do those little DIY jobs he's been promising to do for age first-of course )

And giving the new washing machine away meant he didn't have to install it so tha's a job avoided.