Is my OH stupid or am I mean ???

*max*

embob74 wrote: »

My OH does thing that make me question whether he puts myself and the children before others e.g the time he let his sister borrow his new vacuum cleaner and when he asked for it back she told him he would be better off buying a new one and he agreed!!! Meanwhile I have a vacuum cleaner which has had no end bit (so just the hose/pipe) for over 3 years now. I have mentioned my arthritis gets pretty painful trying to hold the pipe but his sisters needs seem to come first.

OK, now this is just weird (sorry). I take it you don't live together? So what's stopping you from buying your own vacuum cleaner? 3 years using just the tube end when you have kids (ie: not living alone) is a tad long (and even then), to put it mildly. You can get perfectly good vacuum cleaners for £30/40 quid. You can even get one on freecycle at a push.

lr1277

Maybe he was thinking of the bigger picture as well as his selfless gesture?

A washer dryer is a big thing to lug around. By giving it away there and then, he saved himself a bad back, time off work and all that entails. Some other people will be moving it, especially where a pregnant woman involved.

He could have called you to discuss, but that might have woken up the kids, especially if it was a bit late. So if he did call, he would be having a conversation with you where the kids were awake and he is asking if he can give something away. How do you think that conversation would have gone.

As an old phrase goes, it is always easier/better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

renegade

mishkanorman wrote: »

i am his wife, of course its my business - we joined together to share our lives.

It was an expensive item, not a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers !

Do you have 'his & hers' vacuum cleaners in your house?

mummyoftwomonkeys

Lol I think I would have been a bit annoyed if my husband had done it too but remember when us ladies are expecting sometimes the old preggy hormones make us do and say things a bit off, so Im sure right now you are fuming with your husband but when you calm down you might think it was actually quite nice of him but tell him might have been nice if he asked you first

barbarawright

The way you've phrased the question shows quite clearly what opinions you want.

lostinrates

embob74 wrote: »

I think it was a bit thoughtless of your hubby to gift the washer/drier to the 16 year old. If her OH works and she does they could probably be bringing in more money and have less outgoings than the OP!
.

But the costs of staring out on top of living go up all the time, so 'kids' have to warn more than those ahead of them just to get the same. They are young people, very young, and a little kindness shown to them could make all the difference in their lives.

aliasojo

barbarawright wrote: »

The way you've phrased the question shows quite clearly what opinions you want.

It's a shame that sometimes people are not able to comprehend emotion and the fact it often plays a part when people start threads.

The OP was upset with her OH (understandably to many of us), of course her question is going to reflect that.

It's also a shame certain aspects are picked on and the 'whole' is largely ignored.

euronorris

As far as I can see, the real mistake he made here was to not consult with you about this.

So, rather than staying angry with him, I would suggest that you sit down with him, and calmly tell him that whilst it was a very kind and grand gesture, in future, you would like him to discuss things like this with you before he acts. I would also add that, you feel hurt because you've had a hard time as a family recently, that you are still struggling with, and the nice gesture wasn't given to you, when you would have really benefitted from it emotionally, and financially. Which would also have a knock on effect with the family.

And after that, just leave it and move on. He'll know by then that you are upset, and why, and will most likely discuss this sort of thing with you first in future. And that really is the best you can hope for, because he can't go back and change anything. He can only change the future, and so can you.

I hope this pregnancy is going smoothly hun.

xx

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Here is my tuppance worth:

He did a nice thing and you should b proud of him rather than kicking off at him. Yes you MAY have been able to sell it to buy things for the baby BUT that wouldnt be an option if he never won it in the first place so stop looking at it negatively.

Yes you are his wife, but he brought the ticket, he won the prize - whilst it would have been nice to consult you, you are not his keeper and he chose to give his prize away. Yes baby things are expensive but its not as if this is your first kid where you need every single gadget going - you know what are essential and would have had to budget for them regardless if he had won the machine or not.

You mentioned you was annoyed because you are still paying your washer back to you MIL - be thankful you MIL lent you the money and is only after £50 a month back - Think of the APR you are saving!:)

Can i just mention one more thing . . . What would happen if, say when your baby was 3 months old, someone you knew fell pregnant and you gave them some of the baby's old things and you husband kicked off? Would you be hurt that he told you off- or even more hurt that he referred to you as "stupid" ??

mishkanorman

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Here is my tuppance worth:

He did a nice thing and you should b proud of him rather than kicking off at him. Yes you MAY have been able to sell it to buy things for the baby BUT that wouldnt be an option if he never won it in the first place so stop looking at it negatively.

Yes you are his wife, but he brought the ticket, he won the prize - whilst it would have been nice to consult you, you are not his keeper and he chose to give his prize away. Yes baby things are expensive but its not as if this is your first kid where you need every single gadget going - you know what are essential and would have had to budget for them regardless if he had won the machine or not.

You mentioned you was annoyed because you are still paying your washer back to you MIL - be thankful you MIL lent you the money and is only after £50 a month back - Think of the APR you are saving!:)

Can i just mention one more thing . . . What would happen if, say when your baby was 3 months old, someone you knew fell pregnant and you gave them some of the baby's old things and you husband kicked off? Would you be hurt that he told you off- or even more hurt that he referred to you as "stupid" ??

Me and my husband have been together for 15 years, so obviously it has cropped up on more than one occasion ! When my friend needed a cooker I discussed giving our old one to her (we were moving and the new house had one in place) BEFORE i mentioned it to my friend. When we no longer needed the car seats our boys had used I discussed what to do with them first. I consider that to be basic manners in a marriage !

He may well have 'done a nice thing' but it was at our expense, I know my OH and know he wont be putting his hand in his pocket when our little one comes along - it will be the same as it was with our 2 children that everything will be purchased as cheaply as possible (usually 2nd hand from eBay) . I dont think its unreasonable that I am mad he squandered the chance for that to change.