Should she stay over?

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

Person_one - absolutely - but my point is, you can still expect them to behave according to your values UNDER THEIR ROOF. My parents don't believe in sex before marriage and I don't share that, but I never insisted on sharing a room with a boyfriend under their roof even though we were living together because it was their house, their rules. That was all I was saying.

Well, I'm not a huge fan of 'my house, my rules' anyway. Not a terribly welcoming or friendly mantra, is it?

I think a bit of give and take is important with teenage children, they're growing into adults but they aren't quite there yet, they have their own ideas and opinions but still need your guidance, and yes, I do think they deserve to have a say in the rules and have an opinion about what they can do in their home. Its not like they can just move out like an adult could if they don't like it!

Lunar_Eclipse

peaty wrote: »

he can stay at her house until late and her parents will drop him home but because I go to bed earlyish I cannot do the same.

Personally, I would be inclined to say yes, but it's your decision.

An alternative, which might buy you some more breathing room, is to consider staying up later and dropping her home. Do you have a medical condition which means you have to go to bed early, or you simply like your sleep? Perhaps her parents are staying up later (as we do when our 11 year old has sleepovers, which would not be known to our guests.)

EDIT: I'd say 'yes' in principle, but am waivering now I've read they've been together all of about 5 minutes (which I suppose feels like forever to them!)

Lunar_Eclipse

daisiegg wrote: »

That's a really refreshing POV and increasingly rare these days

Is it? I think that's what most dads say ... until their wives talk some sense into them often starting with 'do you remember when we were that age?'

Uniscots97

The only other thing I thought of was SD who brought someone home who she told us was 16 (she was 15 at the time), it turned out he was 20. What I'm saying is unfortunately there are parents out there who don't care and this girl might not even be 16 and be telling her parents (who haven't checked) that she is staying over at a friend's. I'd still say no from the POV that yes I was that age and I saw the fall out of a lot of girls and boys who didn't take precautions or took sex too casually and ended up with a name for themselves which they ended up regretting (I waited until my then boyfriend and i had been together for nearly 2 years). A boy I went to school with ended up HIV positive as he was allowed to bring girls home from a young age and although had 'precautions' explained to him he thought they stopped him feeling things iyswim. The worrying thing is when OH and I spoke to SS about this he said he doesn't always use something and thinks something like that would never happen to him. The fact he thinks its unfair and that its someone he has just met would suggest he's not thought about it properly. There's no magic age, everyone matures differently and to me thats why parents have rules.

TheConways

My parents had a rule that I no boyfriend came over and slept in my room until I was married. Actually seemed perfectly reasonable - their house, their rules.

Son is only in a huff because he knows he's massively pushing the boundaries... Classic teenage tactic! If he genuinely thought he had a case, he would be persuading you otherwise by making a reasoned, thought-through case. Stick to your guns if that is what you believe.

TheConways

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Is it? I think that's what most dads say ... until their wives talk some sense into them often starting with 'do you remember when we were that age?'

At which point, Dad says "Yes, I do remember when I was that age, that is why I'm not allowing it!!!"

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

peaty wrote: »

I am not naive, I understand that at 16, they will be thinking about sex an awful lot, but I also I don't think they would do anything with both parents and 2 children either side! I suppose its all a bit much a bit soon.!

Nonsense. Sorry. I caught DD1's boyfriend making a beeline for her bedroom - which she shared with her little sister - on the one night I let him stay over because the weather was atrocious. The excuse? 'Oh, he said he was cold so was going to sit in it with me'.


Stick to your guns if you don't want it going on under your roof. (and I bet you won't sleep if they are both in there - they will wait until 3 in the morning if they think they have to)

Person_one

I hope all your children get their own back when they're adults by making you and your partners sleep in separate rooms because they don't believe in sex after the menopause under their roof!

bouncydog1

I wonder how many of his friend's parents allow their 16 year old sons to bring their 16 year old girlfriends home to sleep in their room - not many I'll bet!

Once he has calmed down I would broach the topic of responsible adult behaviour with him and respecting other people's views and rules.

You might also want to raise the topic of contraception at the same time so he knows exactly what is on your mind - his response to that should give you a clear view of his intentions!

We are very liberal parents and discuss anything at all with our daughter but would definately never have allowed her to stay over at a BF's house who she had only been with a month at 16 nor allow a BF to stay here.

Stick to your guns and do not allow him to make you feel guilty.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

I hope all your children get their own back when they're adults by making you and your partners sleep in separate rooms because they don't believe in sex after the menopause under their roof!

I think the odds of me trying to have sex with someone younger than the legal age of consent less than 2 foot away from a light sleeping 10 year old is fairly minimal, no matter how old or hormonal I get.