Should she stay over?

peaty

Hi all,

My eldest son is 16 and has his first serious girlfriend. He has asked me today if she could sleep over - to make things easier so she wouldn't have to get dropped off and picked up etc.
I said no, for various reasons - its too soon, there is no room, I have two other children who are not well and my husband starts work really early.
He has now gone off in a huff, which I can deal with but I am always the bad guy - he can stay at her house until late and her parents will drop him home but because I go to bed earlyish I cannot do the same. She apparently hasn't asked her parents yet but I am pretty sure they would say yes, which makes me wonder if I am being unreasonably strict (my son certainly thinks so!)
Any opinions?

aliasojo

I'd have done the same in your shoes.

adamantine

if there is no room there is no room. where is she meant to sleep? standing up in the cupboard?

your house your rules.

fluffnutter

Have confidence in your parenting decisions, peaty. If you don't want her to stay, then that's up to you. It doesn't matter what other parents are doing. If parents caved in every time their offspring said 'life's not fair!' or got in a huff, they'd never be consistent about anything.

daisiegg

I'd probably say the same in your shoes. My brother is 17 and there's no way my parents would let his girlfriend stay over when she doesn't live that far away. When I was 17/18 I had a boyfriend who lived a one hour drive or 2 and a half hour bus journey away from me (neither of us had cars) and my parents did used to let him stay over on the sofa but that was because we'd hardly have been able to see each other if not, and I think they liked to be able to keep an eye on us under their roof anyway.

What are your specific issues with it? The space? (which is very valid) Or are you worried they might 'misbehave' in ways you do not approve of or want under your roof?

albionrovers

Call me old-fashioned, I'm a Dad with 2 daughters ...

Not on your life.

gonzo127

always hard to say but some things you havent said,

how long have they been together - you say too soon but how long do they have to be together before its long enough? 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years?

how old is she, of course being 16, sex will be being thought about so no need to shy away from it, but of course if she is under 16 this adds an extra worry.

2 other children that arent well - whats actually wrong with them? and how old are they

no room - no spare beds? no sofa? does he share a rtoom with your other children?

maybe talk to him, depending of course on some thougths on the above, could he sleep on the sofa and she in his bed, if they abuse your trust of course she will not be allowed to sleep over again etc, maybe say once the other 2 are better then you will allow it with above condition

just a couple of idea's, of course as above if you are not comfortable with this then stick to your guns, only you know the situation properly and what your son is like, and you shouldnt be uncomforatble in your own home

daisiegg

albionrovers wrote: »

Call me old-fashioned, I'm a Dad with 2 daughters ...

Not on your life.

That's a really refreshing POV and increasingly rare these days

peaty

thanks for the replies, its very reassuring!
My son has said she can sleep in his bed and he will sleep on the floor, they have only been together about a month so I think it is too soon. I am not naive, I understand that at 16, they will be thinking about sex an awful lot, but I also I don't think they would do anything with both parents and 2 children either side! I suppose its all a bit much a bit soon.
thanks for the advice, I will stick to my guns!

claire16c

I didnt have a boyfriend sleep over in my room until I was 18/19. Im pretty sure if I had had a serious boyfriend at a younger age i.e 16, they would have not been allowed over to sleep. But I did have friends parents who let their kids have boyfriends over at that age or vice versa. So I guess every parent is different.

I think if its because you dont want them physically sleeping together then youre probably fighting a loosing battle. However if its because of the reasons you state like having other ill children and them possibly keeping you or your husband awake, then I think youre perfectly within your rights to say no.

Maybe suggest he just goes to hers instead.

gonzo127

peaty wrote: »

thanks for the replies, its very reassuring!
My son has said she can sleep in his bed and he will sleep on the floor, they have only been together about a month so I think it is too soon. I am not naive, I understand that at 16, they will be thinking about sex an awful lot, but I also I don't think they would do anything with both parents and 2 children either side! I suppose its all a bit much a bit soon.
thanks for the advice, I will stick to my guns!

ok yes i think a month is a bit soon,

and him sleep on the floor in the same room, HA thats about as likely as me sprouting an extra arm