Should she stay over?

daisiegg

Sorry my previous post was in response to Carl31's post no. 58, couldn't quote

jackyann

I think you should be talking to your children about what are reasonable decisions for them to make about their lives, and which ones you have a say in.

BugglyB

I suppose some of it depends on how thin the walls are in your house...

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

No matter where your values come from surely as long as they are legal (and not immoral etc!) you can enforce them in your own home?

I think there come a point where you have to appreciate that your children might not share your values, they might come to their own conclusions which are different from yours but equally valid.

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

I think there come a point where you have to appreciate that your children might not share your values, they might come to their own conclusions which are different from yours but equally valid.

Well, values are one thing, behaviour is another.

What happens when they are allowed to share a bed - then they start coming home, going straight up to his room and staying there all evening/weekend, only coming out for showers or more condoms? Is that suddenly not ok? Or as someone else said, what if this relationship ends and a new girl turns up that hes been 'seeing for a month'? Mum wouldn't behave like this in her own house, in front of younger children, so why should he be able to?

I'd be interested to know how other families overcome this. The main point is that OP doesnt feel comfortable with it, and its her house. Perhaps tell him he may have whoever he wants in his room when he starts to pay rent?

Person_one

BugglyB wrote: »

What happens when they are allowed to share a bed - then they start coming home, going straight up to his room and staying there all evening/weekend, only coming out for showers or more condoms? Is that suddenly not ok?

Well, that's rude however old you are.

daisiegg

Person_one - absolutely - but my point is, you can still expect them to behave according to your values UNDER THEIR ROOF. My parents don't believe in sex before marriage and I don't share that, but I never insisted on sharing a room with a boyfriend under their roof even though we were living together because it was their house, their rules. That was all I was saying.

daisiegg

Sorry I mean 'UNDER YOUR ROOF' ...can't seem to edit

Hanging_by_a_thread

peaty wrote: »

Hi all,

My eldest son is 16 and has his first serious girlfriend. He has asked me today if she could sleep over - to make things easier so she wouldn't have to get dropped off and picked up etc.

I said no, for various reasons - its too soon, there is no room, I have two other children who are not well and my husband starts work really early.

He has now gone off in a huff, which I can deal with but I am always the bad guy - he can stay at her house until late and her parents will drop him home but because I go to bed earlyish I cannot do the same. She apparently hasn't asked her parents yet but I am pretty sure they would say yes, which makes me wonder if I am being unreasonably strict (my son certainly thinks so!)
Any opinions?

I think you were right to say no. You gave valid reasons for this decision and his reaction to this is to go off in a huff like a sulky child. If he wants to be treated and trusted like an adult then he should start behaving like one first shouldn't he.

I wouldn't be so sure that her parents would agree to a sleepover. I note that your son hasn't been invited to stay overnight at their house but rather they prefer to run him home.

Bangton

Alot of my reasons for wanting to have my partner to stay were so we could watch films late into the night or have a cuddle...and because frankly, I was smitten with him and wanted to be around him later than I could if he had to get a bus home or something. For me it wasn't about jumping his bones necessarily! ..I don't think I ever would have at my parents house knowing they were downstairs. I preferred to be at his house where his parents were much more out of the way !!

He probably is thinking about sex but likewise he probably also really wants to be around her ALL the time and that's why he would like her to stay!