Should she stay over?

daisiegg

daska wrote: »

Your house, your rules! Doesn't matter a jot what her parents think or do.

N.B If they're determined they'll find the time and space to do the dirty regardless of any rules you put in place.

Yeah but she doesn't need to make it easy for them or to allow them to find themselves in situations that indicate she'd be ok with it happening.

Carl31

Personally, my kids aren't that old yet, but I wont have a problem with it when they do
If sex is the problem, if they're going to do it, they're going to do it, if not under your roof, then in a bush somewhere etc. I personally think that its better to be open about these things than to make them feel like they cant talk to you if anything should go wrong
However, i do understand that it may give the wrong idea to younger siblings, which should be managed carefully

pulliptears

As Mum to a 19 year old DS I've had this argument before....

He'd been with the GF for 8 months before she was allowed to stay over, I think he was about 17 at the time though. She was older than him so no issues there. DS has always been quite open and honest with us over his relationships and we felt that at that stage it was acceptable.

Of course my Mother raised an eyebrow as did the Mother In Law (who incidentally still makes OH's sister sleep apart from her OH of TEN years when they visit!), but its our family and our concern.

As has already been said, if they are going to have sex they are going to have sex. I'd rather they did it under my roof with a supply of contraception that in a park somewhere.

clearing_out_my_pockets

I started seeing my (now) husband when I was 16 and we dated for a little over a year. I was never allowed to stay at his and he was never allowed to stay at mine. My parents didn't allow any 'sleepovers' until I was 19 (when I'd been with that partner for a year) and DH's parents only ever let me stay and that was when DH was 24.

To be honest, I'd be concerned about the girl if her parents are really happy for her to sleep over at the house of someone she's been going out with for a month.

j.e.j.

peaty wrote: »

I said no, for various reasons - its too soon, there is no room, I have two other children who are not well and my husband starts work really early.

I think if you've been open and honest with him and these are your genuine reasons then it's fair enough. He should not try to force the issue if you are not happy with the situation. That wouldn't be fair on anyone, including his GF.

Lucy1973

It's a tough oe,because if they're going to have sex,they're going to have sex,wherever. My son started having his girlfriend stay over once he was 16. They have been dating since they were 14 and are still together now,almost 4 years later. I don't think I would have been so relaxed if they hadn't been dating for so long beforehand tbh.

I also came to the conclusion that if the gf's mum was relaxed about my son staying over,then I would be too. They alternate now each night staying at hers and ours.

daisiegg

Carl31 wrote: »

Personally, my kids aren't that old yet, but I wont have a problem with it when they do
If sex is the problem, if they're going to do it, they're going to do it, if not under your roof, then in a bush somewhere etc. I personally think that its better to be open about these things than to make them feel like they cant talk to you if anything should go wrong
However, i do understand that it may give the wrong idea to younger siblings, which should be managed carefully

But what if your values don't allow for people having sex before marriage? Even if 'they are going to do it anyway' (which I totally agree with, btw) you don't have to acknowledge or condone it?

I knew a couple who were in their mid twenties and had been together something like 7 or 8 years. They were engaged (are now married) and owned a house together. Yet when they stayed with her parents they STILL had to sleep in separate rooms. I sometimes wonder if they are allowed to sleep together when they visit now that they're married! (am no longer in touch as the woman in question is my ex's sister)

My point is, in your own home you are entitled to live by your values and, to an extent, make the people (particularly dependent minors!) who live in your home live by those values too whilst under your roof, even if you know that they are doing whatever they want elsewhere (or when your back is turned...)

daska

daisiegg wrote: »

Yeah but she doesn't need to make it easy for them or to allow them to find themselves in situations that indicate she'd be ok with it happening.

Absolutely! Her house, her rules! But even if the girl is told never to darken the doorstep again it's prudent to be realistic and accept that rules alone won't stop them finding a time and place if that's what they want to do.

daisiegg

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

To be honest, I'd be concerned about the girl if her parents are really happy for her to sleep over at the house of someone she's been going out with for a month.

Unless they are like a mother I know who (allegedly) advised her THIRTEEN year old daughter, whose slightly older boyfriend was pressuring her for sex, "just do it, he's more likely to stay with you then"!!! :eek:

BugglyB

No, she shouldn't stay over!

If he cares that much that she comes over he can use his hard earned pocket money to pay for a taxi for her.

Think of his siblings - its their home too. And you'd have to face them over breakfast, ugh! Despite what they are saying now (they may even believe it) they would totally be having sex!