Should she stay over?

McKneff

claire16c wrote: »

Thats what I told my Dad the first time my boyfriend slept round to persuade him.. I think he probably slept on the floor for about 2 mins :rotfl: We even had a sleeping bag in my room to make it look like he really was sleeping on the floor. We laugh about it now as that was 10 years ago and we are now married. Of course, your son may genuinely mean it.

But at 16 and together for a month, there is no way I would have been allowed!

And do you really think your dad believed you.

All these years later, ask him, I bet he'd say
'Do you think Im daft then'

Alikay

I always let my children have boyfriends/girlfriends stay over but at 16 they'd be in separate rooms, and our door stays ajar to deter "sleepwalking":cool:. I have turned a blind eye once they're over 18 and have left school as they're adults but they don't get any special privacy and it's a busy household. If parents don't want them sharing a room in the family home, that's fine and they should say no.

I wouldn't be happy with them having more casual liaisons in our house, but tbh they've all been pretty picky and stuck to longer term relationships.

joedenise

My OH wasn't allowed to stay over, even when we were engaged! He did stay one night and that was because we both fell asleep on the sofa. My mum was furious the next morning when she got up. We had a huge row and my OH and I stormed off (as you do as teenagers!) She was outside immediately begging us to go back in and sort if out over a coffee!!!

We went back in and made up but I think it was probably this that made us decide to get married far sooner than we had planned. Fortunately it was a good decision as we are still very happily married over 40 years later.

However in this situation I do think 16 is very young, particularly as they have only been together for a month. Stick to your guns OP.

Denise

Gumdam3

Do what you feel is right Peaty, and stick to it. I have had the same quandary with my 17 year old son (now 18) who starting going out with his girlfriend at 16. I said 'No' for a long time, but as the relationship progressed I changed my mind, not because I 'gave in', but because the relationship became established and they are mature young people- I wouldn't have said yes after a month, I did what felt right at each stage. I did speak with her parents first to make sure they were comfortable with it as well, and wouldn't have gone against their wishes. One of my regrets is that I was never able to be open about relationships with my parents, I don't want my kids to feel the same.
My 16 year old daughter has her first steady boyfriend- Oh Lordy. (not well established yet though!)

paddy's_mum

peaty wrote: »

Hi all,

He has now gone off in a huff

Perhaps an improvement in his attitude might be forthcoming if you, politely and reasonably, point out that going off in a strop is the behaviour of a child, not that of a maturing young man. ;)If he wants to be taken seriously, petulant tantrums aren't the way to achieve it.

I'm in total agreement with you not least because at 16, they are both still minors and any buck will stop with you.

You could amend your ruling so that if he agrees, she sleeps in his bed and your son sleeps on a mattress on your floor! :rotfl: His response to that suggested compromise might actually tell you a great deal about his innermost agenda, and perhaps ease your worries. Good luck.

balletshoes

paddy's_mum wrote: »

You could amend your ruling that she sleeps in his bed and your son sleeps on a mattress on your floor! :rotfl: His response to that suggested compromise might actually tell you a great deal about his innermost agenda, and perhaps ease your worries. Good luck.

that sounds like a good compromise to me - but I also agree that after only one month together, its too soon anyway.

olibrofiz

Just been through this with DD and her first serious boyfriend who lives 30mins by car & hour + by bus away. She's just turned 17, and he's 19.

I have allowed him to stay over on 3 or 4 occasions on the understanding that she sleeps with me, & he sleeps in her bed. She's made it quite clear she's not happy but that's how it is, my house my rules.

CH27

peaty wrote: »

Hi all,

My eldest son is 16 and has his first serious girlfriend. He has asked me today if she could sleep over - to make things easier so she wouldn't have to get dropped off and picked up etc.
I said no, for various reasons - its too soon, there is no room, I have two other children who are not well and my husband starts work really early.
He has now gone off in a huff, which I can deal with but I am always the bad guy - he can stay at her house until late and her parents will drop him home but because I go to bed earlyish I cannot do the same. She apparently hasn't asked her parents yet but I am pretty sure they would say yes, which makes me wonder if I am being unreasonably strict (my son certainly thinks so!)
Any opinions?

I would do the same but is there any way you could be a bit more flexible about the pick ups? Maybe agree to one late night per week?

VikkiiKawaii

I'm seventeen and I sleep in the same room as my boyfriend. However, my boyfriend lives here, we've been together for over a year and as you can see from my signature we're having a baby together. So it's a completely different situation.

I can't imagine my Mum allowing a boyfriend to stay over when I was younger though.

lilibet1

Im certainly going to be the minority here, but, my ds is 16 and so is his gf. The gf lives 25 miles away and i let her stay over in his room in a spare bed with the door open and our bedroom door open too. They also have the watchful eye of our two jack russells keeping guard too lol.

You might think that im being too soft, but, i trust them both (she is a really nice girl) and i have a very good relationship with my son and he knows 100% that he can speak to me, his dad or stepdad about sex or contraception when the time is right. Im not being niave and im sure that they will have sex at some point. However, the way i look at this is that they stay in the house in the day when im out and they are on their own, what is the difference just because the clock goes to nightime and its dark???

Personally, I would rather have them in our house late at night then various people out in the car driving around in the cold/icy weather.

There are alot more things that i can be worrying about then this. However, we are all different and I totally repect you not wanting it in your house.

I would like to say though that if and when i do say no to my son, he accepts it and never pushes it. I dont say no very often because i think things through carefully and he knows if mummy says no its NO!!!!!!