Surely he wouldn't get my kids at the weekend...

tanith

I agree its a sad situation for everyone, how old are the children? Could it be that your ex wants your children to also visit with his family/grandparents who maybe work weekdays? I do agree that its not an unreasonable request though.

AimeesMum_2

They are 1 and 3 and he would only be coming to pick them up, take them for the day and return them. He is allowed no unsupervised overnight care as he has mental health problems and an alcohol problem. He also never has any money to take them anywhere as as soon as his giro goes in, he spends it on god knows what and bugs me every day for money.

Blackpool_Saver

It must seem like we are all unsupportive and against you. I was once in your shoes and felt the way you do, MY OWN solicitor said to me what we are saying to you, AND he made it very clear if I didn't listen to him, then a judge would rule it if I did not consent.

AimeesMum_2

He also has no family that would be seeing the kids. And if his 'friends' are all like the guy he turned up at my work with the other day completely drunk looking for money then I don't want them near his friends.

I agreed with the social work that he could see them but in my home and that they had to make unexpected visits to make sure that they were ok.

bigmomma051204

If the kids are pre-school age and only attend a childminders then i see OP's point. Weekends are only really "days off" if you work through the week. To the poster who said he would want to take advantage of things on a weeked, there is PLENTY to do during week days - in fact, it will be quieter if he wants to take them out to farm parks, attractions etc. The OP makes fair point about being with a parent rather than a childminder AND to be honest, if i was OP, i would be peeved at having to pay out for a childminder when their dad is sat at home on week days not doing anything and then wanting to see them only at weekends!!

Obviously its very different if they attend school etc during the week as then dad would barely see them.

Edit - he sounds like a bit of a waster... hope you ARENT giving him the money when he asks for it! Grrrrrr!! Parents like him need to sort themselves out before stamping their feet and making everyone dance to their merry tune!

Blackpool_Saver

AimeesMum wrote: »

They are 1 and 3 and he would only be coming to pick them up, take them for the day and return them. He is allowed no unsupervised overnight care as he has mental health problems and an alcohol problem. He also never has any money to take them anywhere as as soon as his giro goes in, he spends it on god knows what and bugs me every day for money.

Then that is different, you need to see a solicitor BUT be sure, as soon as he is well he will be allowed over-nights

fannyanna

AimeesMum wrote: »

He also never has any money to take them anywhere

So???

Does that mean he shouldn't have access to his own children just because he doesn't have the money to take them on days out?

Hanging_by_a_thread

I am sorry that your relationship has ended. It must be very hard coping financially and being the main carer for your children by yourself.

I couldn't help but notice that all the way through your post you refer to the children as 'my'. Only they aren't just yours they are his children as well. He has rights to have access to them. Most importantly the children have a right to see him and have a relationship with him. Unless of course he has been violent or would be considered unsuitable to be around them by himself, I believe this is how a court would view it to.

I dont respect parents (fathers or mothers) who walk away from responsibilty of their kids, financially or otherwise. However what really matters above everything else, as I am sure you are well aware, is the welfare of the children. As difficult and painful as it will be, I urge you to talk with him and come to an arrangement that you can both be comfortable with. Otherwise as your kids are growing up there is always going to be this friction and tension. Not at all good for them or either of you.

balletshoes

AimeesMum wrote: »

They are 1 and 3 and he would only be coming to pick them up, take them for the day and return them. He is allowed no unsupervised overnight care as he has mental health problems and an alcohol problem. He also never has any money to take them anywhere as as soon as his giro goes in, he spends it on god knows what and bugs me every day for money.

okay then look at it this way - if he's unreliable and has mental health and alcohol problems, then maybe its better that his access to the kids is every 2nd weekend. That way he doesn't have the chance to mess up your childminding routine and leave you in the lurch if he doesn't turn up midweek, and you can be assured that if he doesn't turn up when he's supposed to on the weekends, that you are there to be with your children.

eta - my brother has been there with the midweek access and niece's mum not turning up/having other plans etc. It was down to my brother to sort out care for their daughter at very short notice (ie 15 minutes) - would you be able and happy to do this in your shoes?

meritaten

you say 'MY' kids as if they belong to you. if he is thier father then he has equal rights to see them - despite what you think of his lifestyle. its not about who works the hardest - its about a fathers love for thier kids, and the love those kids have for thier father. to make it a contest about who works the hardest and therefore deserves to 'see' the kids - says a lot about you. and tbh you dont come across as being any more deserving than their dad! in fact a lot less - you are NOT thinking about the kids welfare - but more about scoring 'points' in how you work - and he doesnt!