private account in a relationship?

daska

amyb wrote: »

I agree with you about that. As far as i read it was never about putting everything in his name.

The OP said he wants her to register for IB and allow him access to the account.

Will still be in her name so she would still have access to the money.

Bit more to it, he wants to put ALL their savings in HIS account which he dips into whenever he wants because it's 'difficult' to withdraw money from a joint a/c. He also wants full access to her personal a/c via on-line banking. Essentially leaving him with total control over everything and her incredibly vulnerable if something were to go wrong.

They're not married so she has NO protection if anything happens.

Without even beginning to suggest that he's planning anything underhand, surely the starting point for considering this should be that any considerate person would want to ensure that their much loved partner would be adequately protected if something did go wrong.

daska

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

He wanted her to give him £150 every month to put in an account in his sole name which she had no access to or right to but that he could draw on for anything. Unless there is a serious compulsion to spend on the part of the OP, that's a bit odd. And if he gets angry if she says 'no' then thats a bit odd as well.

If he died with no will, OP gets nothing, if he runs off with a bit of fluff she gets nothing and if he has internet access to her a/c then she could suddenly have a large overdraft which is in her sole name and which she is entirely responsible for. And if he suddenly gets a gambling bug she is stuffed. If you have a browse on the dwp (i lurk sometimes) there are a lot of people there because of there partners.

Thing is, lots of times partners/husbands/wives look out for each others a/c. It depends on the people. if the bills are covered though then there should be a right to say no. I say trust your gut, but if there is that bit of hesitation then stall and see what else comes up.

ETA - if he has internet access and if he is up to bad things then the OP has access to the money she has left. Im old and evil minded, there are a lot of ways it could go wrong - and if there is a hesitation and anger at the hesitation, thats the problem, not the actual pennies.

Absolutely, she's hesitant and he's angry, speaks volumes really.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

amyb wrote: »

Because i'd rather have full trust in someone i was with.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where i was suspicious of the other half or where i was expecting 'nasty stuff' to happen.

Sorry.

You do know that people can die, don't you?

vaio

doodoot wrote: »

If it was my husband then I would tell him to jog on.

There is no reason for ANYONE to check my account regularly apart from me.

What's his excuse for wanting to check it?......

I guess he'd call it a "reason" rather than an "excuse".....if he's doing the family budget spreadsheet then to keep that up to date he needs access to all accounts.

Personally I wouldn't dream of doing a spreadsheet but if my OH wanted to see my account details she'd be welcome. I do have access to her account and use it to do on-line payments as well as helping her to check it against payments/statements.

as a couple we go with all money is "ours" even though we've never got round to opening a joint account

Blackpool_Saver

Hmmm, I used to be with someone like this, he had microsoft money software and kept all kinds of records, demanding receipts and atm slips etc etc, he went bankrupt in the end, pompous idiot

Anyway like others have said do not put your money in an account in his sole name, tell him you will open one and he can put his in yours, watch his face change......

thunderbird

amyb wrote: »

Because i'd rather have full trust in someone i was with.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where i was suspicious of the other half or where i was expecting 'nasty stuff' to happen.

Sorry.

I agree. Being sensible and cautious with money is one thing, but being over-cautious and, as you say 'expecting nasty stuff' is pointless worrying IMHO. If I worked at that level of 'worry' I don't know how I would get through the day as I'd be avoiding situations with any risk attached - would you even leave the house?

ognum

This really is a trust issue as well as a money saving one.

If one of you is a higher rate tax payer then it is sensible for the other to hold all your savings in their name and thus reduce the tax burden.

Oldernotwiser

thunderbird wrote: »

I agree. Being sensible and cautious with money is one thing, but being over-cautious and, as you say 'expecting nasty stuff' is pointless worrying IMHO. If I worked at that level of 'worry' I don't know how I would get through the day as I'd be avoiding situations with any risk attached - would you even leave the house?

Putting your savings in someone else's account (ie. giving them your money) to which you have no access and which they intend to dip into whenever it suits them is being neither sensible nor cautious.

This is particularly so when the person in question has already lied to you about the reasons for doing so!

daska

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Putting your savings in someone else's account (ie. giving them your money) to which you have no access and which they intend to dip into whenever it suits them is being neither sensible nor cautious.

This is particularly so when the person in question has already lied to you about the reasons for doing so!

It may be that he hasn't lied. He may genuinely believe that there are difficulties associated with withdrawing money from a joint account. He may assume that a joint account requires two signatures. Or he may think that he can get away with using that excuse because the OP won't know any better. There are many possible explanations but none of them would make me any happier about the OP handing over all her savings and all financial control.

ska_lover

Personally - my opinion on this issue is I think people should retain an air of independance in a relationship. To become too dependant on anyone is not healthy. IMO its not ALL about trust, I mean you wouldnt be in a relationship with someone you didnt trust in the first place

If this were my OH, i would feel somewhat controlled..to some degree..I would tell him to jog on