private account in a relationship?

Neillgb

Well loads of solid, perhaps hard, advice which is probably appropriate in financial terms.

However it is possible that the OP's OH is offended and upset by the apparent lack of trust demonstrated in a relationship of 10 years standing. The hurt may manifest itself the the form of anger.

OP has made it clear that she feels uncomfortable with OH's suggestion so best to stay safe financially.

Can't help but worry that this is the sort of trust issue/misunderstanding that could fester so I would suggest a nice cup of coffee, glass of wine maybe, and a chat might be more appropriate than a '....thats the way it's gonna be mate' attitude.

Hope what is probably little more than a silly misunderstanding, perhaps a little thoughtlessness, doesn't get out of hand for you OP.

Good luck.

Mojisola

bluestarrz wrote: »

My partner and I have lived together for 9 years and been together 10, we have two children and are extremely happy. We've been budgeting and saving when we can and are getting by quite well.

However lately my partner has made a budget for the year and we hope to stick to this as well as saving regularly. I will put £150 of my wages into his saving account each month and he will transfer £300 or whatever he has left (he pays bills and I buy food, nappies etc)

The problem is he wants me to register for online banking to allow him to check my account regularly and update his spreadsheets etc which I am against. He is really angry I keep putting it off, but personally don't want us looking into each others accounts and checking all spends etc, not that I'm doing anything suspicious etc I just like my money and his separate.

If I put in my agreed amount each month I don't see the problem? However he is really angry as I said and I can't figure out if I'm just being irrational or want some privacy, we share everything else?

MrsManda wrote: »

It all depends on what you're comfortable with. Money is a major factor in relationship difficulties and breakdowns simply because it can be such an emotive issue with people having different views on what is the 'right' thing to do.

MrsManda is so right! If you look through some of the other threads on MSE you'll see there are lots of different ways for couples to deal with their money.

We've always had joint accounts - it never occurred to me to do anything different - but we have very similar spending habits and always consult before spending out on anything big.

I wouldn't be happy putting our savings into his name. There's no reason for it to be in one person's name - why does he think it's alright? Would he be happy if your joint savings were all in your name?

Taking it further, do you have wills? What would happen to your savings if he died?

As MrsManda says - you have to find a solution that suits you but think about a joint account for bills to be paid from, a joint account for your savings (or equal amounts paid into accounts in your separate names) and keeping your own accounts for private spends.

pinkclouds

bluestarrz wrote: »

In regards to the savings I asked once, years ago about a joint account but he felt it was easier to transfer funds from his account directly into it each month and he wanted to be able to access them quickly if need be for car repairs/ going on site with work e.g. upfront hotel expenses etc he could later claim back.

Btw, I've noticed the above point. That used to be the case, however, with the improvements brought in by "Faster Payments" it is no longer true. Depending on the banks involved, you can transfer money almost instantly. Even if there is a delay (e.g. up to 2 hours), it is still much swifter than "years ago" when you might have a 3 day turnaround.

http://www.ukpayments.org.uk/faster_payments_service/

Maybe you should ask him again, as circumstances have now changed?

Gloomendoom

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy putting our savings into his name. There's no reason for it to be in one person's name - why does he think it's alright? Would he be happy if your joint savings were all in your name?

My wife an I happily move money around various accounts in each others sole name. It doesn't cause us any problems. It just shows that every relationship is different.

I agree about the wills though. Very important if you are married, essential if you aren't.

Rebecca01

Another vote for the total share of finances. Theres already been several threads on this . I think its strange people who dont , and some people think we are strange for sharing everything. Not that I have anything to share as I am a SAHM . Each to their own though!

However I would echo the advice to get your name on the savings account.

Mojisola

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My wife an I happily move money around various accounts in each others sole name. It doesn't cause us any problems. It just shows that every relationship is different.

We have everything in joint names.

I wouldn't want all the savings in a single name - whether his or mine - not because I don't trust my OH but if the account owner died or was in hospital seriously ill, it could leave the other in a difficult position.

sassyblue

OP, why can't you both set aside some time to go through BOTH your accounts and let him set up a spreadsheet from that information (if he wants to).

If he's willing to let you see his side of things then l wouldn't be bothered.

It's only when he'd want to have some secrecy over his stuff and control over yours that l would worry.

Me and DH have a joint back account with debit cards and a savings account offset to the mortgage, plus a credit card account with a card each, if we put anything on here we tell each other. He's happy to let me sort everything out money wise. We're not and have never been in debt - apart from mortgage - and discuss any large purchases together before they're made.

Tish_P

OP, as you can see, people approach the sharing of finances very differently depending on their own circumstances, personalities and preferences. What's important is that both partners are happy and secure. Your partner does not have the right to pressure you into a financial arrangement that you don't want or that leaves you insecure.

My chap and I have the middle ground that several others have suggested - a joint account plus separate current accounts. As for savings, if it gets to the point where we both max out our ISA allowances we'd probably get a joint savings account we share control of.

And no, we certainly haven't got each other's passwords! It's not about "planning to break up" (although why is making contingency plans seen as expecting the worst? We have house insurance, and aren't planning a fire) - it's about wanting to keep some financial privacy and independence, which you're entitled to. Talk it through with him and see if you can sort out an arrangement you're both happy with, but the arrangement he's proposing clearly isn't it.

Phoolgrrrl

We are married, each have our own personal accounts and a joint account. we pay money into joint ac each month for food, bills etc. I wouldn't ask to see his bank statements, or him to see mine. we both pay for our share of joint expenses and the rest of the money is our own. If he wants a £25 bottle of whiskey, or I want a £25 massage then that's our own decision.
As said above, although you may not expect things to go sour, you need to protect yourself as you aren't married. There was a girl on DFW whose OH left one day after clearing out the bank acs and leaving her with loads of debt as the bills and flat were in her name.
I don't see the problem if you are contributing to a joint account and not running up debts. I would take note of the advice of a joint savings account. I must look into that!

missprice

I shall echo the previous posts and say its down to what you both can deal with
If my OH dared to ask for details of what money I spend on what items, he would be out the door. I earn it its my problem
on the other hand I would never dream of asking him where all his money goes, He earns it so not my problem

the only thing we have jointly is a savings acc but its got next to nothing in it (£90)

only thing is with us its MY house because I paid for it and the bills are also mine cos why alter them, but this will change in time

do what you happy with and don't let him make you feel guilty:)