private account in a relationship?

bluestarrz

Hi all, sorry for long post but I want to know if I am being completely irrational about this.

My partner and I have lived together for 9 years and been together 10, we have two children and are extremely happy. We've been budgeting and saving when we can and are getting by quite well.

However lately my partner has made a budget for the year and we hope to stick to this as well as saving regularly. I will put £150 of my wages into his saving account each month and he will transfer £300 or whatever he has left (he pays bills and I buy food, nappies etc)

The problem is he wants me to register for online banking to allow him to check my account regularly and update his spreadsheets etc which I am against. He is really angry I keep putting it off, but personally don't want us looking into each others accounts and checking all spends etc, not that I'm doing anything suspicious etc I just like my money and his separate.

If I put in my agreed amount each month I don't see the problem? However he is really angry as I said and I can't figure out if I'm just being irrational or want some privacy, we share everything else?


Opinions please?

DUTR

If I were loved up and co habiting, then yes, a house budget then what each indivisual has is theirs, the problem you pose is you say you are doing one thing and then putting it off, come clean and tell him NO.
He is not being any mor eunreasonable than you are for 'lying'

bridgend_girl

judge judy says-never have a joint bank account until you celebrate your ruby wedding anniversary and only then if it's really needed.
I agree - I wouldn't hand over my savings into his name either. Why not have two savings accounts and each pay in £150 or whatever in and show the pass book or whatever to reassure each of you. If keeping your own accounts separate has worked for 9 years then why change a winning formula. Lots of successful couples keep finances private.

doodoot

If it was my husband then I would tell him to jog on.

There is no reason for ANYONE to check my account regularly apart from me.

What's his excuse for wanting to check it?

If you have agreed to deposit an agreed amount, then I don't see why he needs to check up on your spending.

As an aside, I would be very wary of depositing into HIS account...no matter how loved up you are.

Will you be given access to HIS account to check up on how the money is being spent/saved?

If not, then tell him that you want to open a joint savings account...which requires BOTH signatures to withdraw and no debit cards!

daska

On the surface of it I agree with you, if you've agreed what your budget is and how much you're putting into savings then surely it shouldn't matter to him what you do with the rest - so why is he wanting to see the details? If he isn't usually responsible for buying them he might not appreciate just how much costs have risen over the last few years, could it be that he isn't convinced about the amount you say you're spending on food and nappies and thinks you're wanting to keep back more for spends than he is being allowed? How about a compromise, a 'household account' for the bills and food so you can both see exactly how much is being spent.

And get that savings account put in joint names so that you can see that what's going on there - during my first marriage I put all my savings in my first husbands name and when he became my Ex there were 'no' savings to be found. No, I'm not suggesting he's planning anything sneaky but, if this is a joint venture he'll have no problem doing this WITH you. You're not married, you have NO legal recourse to getting that money back.

Tamsin_Temrin

If you split up all that money in an account with his name on is all his. You have no claim on it. Not a bean.

You can suggest to him that you put some savings in your name to even the tax load...

balletshoes

we have separate bank accounts too, pretty much always have had. OP can you easily access the savings account your OH has set up for the savings? If so, and it works for you, I don't see any problem with what you're doing, putting x amount each into the account to save.

What has your OH said is the reason he'd like to see your account online?

My initial reaction would be No, but I wouldn't have "dragged my heels" over it. I'd want to hear his reasons - have you asked, have you had an explanation of why he thinks it would be a good idea?
I'm not concerned with what my OH spends his money on once all the bills etc are paid, and my OH feels the same way about my money.
I have always been used to having my own money, and so its always worked for us that we have separate finances.

January20

Exactly what others have said above: money put in another person's account is not your money anymore and it sounds a bit controlling that he wants to have complete access to your account. Will he return the favour and let you have complete access to all his accounts, especially the account where your savings go?

If you give him your online details he will be able to check what's in your account, transfer money in and out and treat it as his own account, and if anything wrong happens, (ie you break up and he decides to empty your account) you won't have a leg to stand on because you will have given him your login details.

I'm a bit concerned that you say "he is really angry" that you keep putting it off. It's like he doesn't realise he has NO right to what he is asking for, or he is in a hurry for it...

Gigglepig

What about having a joint account which both of you pay salaries into, and bills out of, and agree a set (equal) amount each month that goes into separate private savings account for your own purposes? Alternatively have a joint savings account.

Tamsin_Temrin

Another thought - if he has access to your online banking, he could move the money anywhere. Like to a savings account in his name only. Offshore.

It is taking things to extreme and youll know if hed do this but its worth flagging up. btw would he allow you the same access to his accounts? Ask him when hes just taken a mouthful of drink.

January20

Gigglepig wrote: »

What about having a joint account which both of you pay salaries into, and bills out of, and agree a set (equal) amount each month that goes into separate private savings account for your own purposes? Alternatively have a joint savings account.

Yes, but you need to have a really solid relationship to have a joint account:

-1 of the parties could misuse the account.

-1 of the parties could empty the account and any overdraft facility on break up, and leave the other one to pay for it. The bank will always go for the easier target to recoup any money, and that might not necessarily be the guilty party.

-It can be difficult to virtually impossible to close a joint account when in trouble. There was a thread on here a few days ago where a poster found they owed money on a joint account they thought was closed.

I know I sound all full of doom and gloom, but we read so many stories on here every week! I think it would be better for the OP to sort out the savings account into a joint savings account and then to find out why her partner really wants complete access to her account before she goes down this route of joint current accounts. After all, if he refuses to put the savings account into both names....