private account in a relationship?

Gloomendoom

Mojisola wrote: »

We have everything in joint names.

I wouldn't want all the savings in a single name - whether his or mine - not because I don't trust my OH but if the account owner died or was in hospital seriously ill, it could leave the other in a difficult position.

I see what you mean. However, all savings aren't in a single name, we both have savings accounts and are in the fortunate position that we would be unlikely to need instant access to the other's account in the event or illness or death. Most of our savings are in the form of ISA's and, as far as I am aware, it impossible to have a joint ISA as the tax benefits and limits apply to an individual person.

GobbledyGook

OP is there a reason for his sudden decision to create a budget and start wanting to keep an eye on money? Is there rumours of redundancy at his workplace or something that has made him panic? It just seems strange to start changing things without any reason?

My ex and I used to earn vastly different amounts. We decided an amount of "spends" that we were both happy with and each month that amount (which was exactly the same despite the earnings difference) was transferred into our own accounts for us to do with what we wished. Everything else went into a joint bills account and joint savings account.

Oldernotwiser

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I see what you mean. However, all savings aren't in a single name, we both have savings accounts and are in the fortunate position that we would be unlikely to need instant access to the other's account in the event or illness or death. Most of our savings are in the form of ISA's and, as far as I am aware, it impossible to have a joint ISA as the tax benefits and limits apply to an individual person.

I think that the main point in this is that the OP's OH wants her to put her savings in an account in his name to which only he has access and which he can dip into whenever he wants. This seems to me to be a far more important issue than that of privacy, particularly as he has already lied to her about the possibility of opening a joint savings account.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

amyb wrote: »

As i said maybe i'm naive - but i would rather that than being bitter and suspicios. Sorry

And long may you stay happily naive and never find out when the bailiffs bang on your door that your dearly beloved had not only emptied your bank account, but had also taken the rent payments - and got thousands of pounds of cash advances on your credit card.

Or that a lovely boyfriend turns into an abusive, violent, controlling bully who makes their partner beg for money to buy food for their child whilst he has a fancy car, goes out clubbing, has another girlfriend and child, and retains control by making sure she doesn't even have enough to catch the bus to a shelter.

Or that the partner actually turns out to have a drink/drug/gambling addiction and every penny goes on that instead of the bills.


All of these things and more have happened to women on this site.

I'm glad you haven't found that out for yourself, by the way I see it, why on earth take the chance?


One of my exes has a joint account with his wife, she has no say how they spend the money she earns, and can't even (on £45,000 a year) buy a top in a charity shop without him complaining, but he happily spends her divorce settlement on a car for him to drive 100 yards round the corner and back three times a week, leaving it on the driveway the rest of the time, as she isn't allowed to drive it.

Another ex, who is atrocious with money, has a joint account with his partner, but they maintain separate accounts and transfer enough for the household bills into the shared account. Everything else is nothing to do with the other. She's going to have a shock if he can't make repayments on his credit card again (he has previous for this), but at least it isn't in her name as well.

My mother remembers when her husband died that she had to feed five children on nothing for months because the bank stopped the entire account she shared. Had they set up separate accounts and he had been able to transfer the housekeeping money into her account, there would have been at least 18 months of income in there when he dropped dead in his 40s.



Nasty stuff happens. So why make it harder for yourself if that happens?

amyb_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Nasty stuff happens. So why make it harder for yourself if that happens?

Because i'd rather have full trust in someone i was with.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where i was suspicious of the other half or where i was expecting 'nasty stuff' to happen.

Sorry.

marleyboy

My OH has full access to my account, she is free to withdraw\transfer from it whenever she needs to. She has her own account also, but we pool our funds as a family unit, she ensures both accounts stay in the black and advises me when either of us need to tighten our belts.

As she does the budgeting it makes sense to let her check my account occasionally, I have nothing to hide, there is no secret spending or saving, as such there is nothing to worry about in granting her full access to my account.

daska

amyb wrote: »

Because i'd rather have full trust in someone i was with.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where i was suspicious of the other half or where i was expecting 'nasty stuff' to happen.

Sorry.

But nasty stuff does happen, even if the relationship is strong people can drop dead without giving any notice. If the OP puts all the savings in her partner's name and he walked under a bus without a will stating that it should go to her then, no matter how loved up they were at the time she wouldn't see a penny of it.

SingleSue

Me and now ex hubby moved to a joint account as soon eldest was born (turning my single named account into a joint named one), where both of our salaries were paid in and all bills were paid out of.

I pretty much ran this account, not by design but because he could never remember his pin number for his debit card or the log on details (if by chance he had remembered to take his debit card with him, which was also unusual, he would ring me to tell him his pin number!).

In the end, it was just easier to give him the money for fuel etc in his hand each week....he would also forget to take his mobile phone with him to ring me for his details and it would end up with me either having to make a mercy dash to him or for him to run out of fuel.

We also had a joint savings account which we both had access to (but had the same problem with his memory as for the joint account) and we each had our own savings accounts (which I also had to remember his details for!)

He left it to me to sort out the direct debits for the bills, the food shopping etc....even the various insurances needed, he hadn't a clue what it all meant.

Neither of us had full access to each others savings accounts (as in see what the other was spending), I just had to remember his details for him but never had the temptation to use those details to peek.

You can guess who also had to remember all the appointments and birthdays can't you? :rotfl:

amyb_2

daska wrote: »

But nasty stuff does happen, even if the relationship is strong people can drop dead without giving any notice. If the OP puts all the savings in her partner's name and he walked under a bus without a will stating that it should go to her then, no matter how loved up they were at the time she wouldn't see a penny of it.

I agree with you about that. As far as i read it was never about putting everything in his name.

The OP said he wants her to register for IB and allow him access to the account.

Will still be in her name so she would still have access to the money.

Tamsin_Temrin

amyb wrote: »

I agree with you about that. As far as i read it was never about putting everything in his name.

The OP said he wants her to register for IB and allow him access to the account.

Will still be in her name so she would still have access to the money.

He wanted her to give him £150 every month to put in an account in his sole name which she had no access to or right to but that he could draw on for anything. Unless there is a serious compulsion to spend on the part of the OP, that's a bit odd. And if he gets angry if she says 'no' then thats a bit odd as well.

If he died with no will, OP gets nothing, if he runs off with a bit of fluff she gets nothing and if he has internet access to her a/c then she could suddenly have a large overdraft which is in her sole name and which she is entirely responsible for. And if he suddenly gets a gambling bug she is stuffed. If you have a browse on the dwp (i lurk sometimes) there are a lot of people there because of there partners.

Thing is, lots of times partners/husbands/wives look out for each others a/c. It depends on the people. if the bills are covered though then there should be a right to say no. I say trust your gut, but if there is that bit of hesitation then stall and see what else comes up.

ETA - if he has internet access and if he is up to bad things then the OP has access to the money she has left. Im old and evil minded, there are a lot of ways it could go wrong - and if there is a hesitation and anger at the hesitation, thats the problem, not the actual pennies.