school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

milliebear00001

Gingham_R wrote: »

In that case, wouldn't you accept that a child well into puberty in a class where he's the only one would be standing out as 'different' in a pair of shorts? And that this is not 'necessary'?

I do. Which is why, if he were my child, and I felt his level of anxiety was such that he would not be able to adapt to the requirement, I would be asking for him to be exempted from the parts of PE he had to wear shorts for (I would imagine gymnastics).

peachyprice

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

But just where ARE the school teaching him strategies? A flat refusal isn't helping anyone. Where possible those on the spectrum should be encouraged and supported but sometimes compromise is also a way forward. If the OPs son was allowed to wear longer shorts he could perhaps potentially build up to that. But no, that doesnt appear to be a option.

Well they're not at the moment while everyone is at loggerheads. But rather than OP also flatly refusing to try anything wouldn't it be more beneficial if they all worked together to find a strategy that would be useful in this and so many other situations in his life?

Gingham_R

peachyprice wrote: »

Well they're not at the moment while everyone is at loggerheads. But rather than OP also flatly refusing to try anything wouldn't it be more beneficial if they all worked together to find a strategy that would be useful in this and so many other situations in his life?

This is a lady who is considering shaving her son's legs. Flatly refusing to try anything?!

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

Well they're not at the moment while everyone is at loggerheads. But rather than OP also flatly refusing to try anything wouldn't it be more beneficial if they all worked together to find a strategy that would be useful in this and so many other situations in his life?

It appears the OP is -she's suggested the compromise of tracksuit bottoms rather than not doing PE at all -It's the school who are being inflexible.

jellyhead

peachyprice wrote: »

Well they're not at the moment while everyone is at loggerheads. But rather than OP also flatly refusing to try anything wouldn't it be more beneficial if they all worked together to find a strategy that would be useful in this and so many other situations in his life?

Agreed, but the poor boy seems so anxious

We don't know how he is finding school in general - if this is his only worry then perhaps he'd be better working out some strategies to help him adjust, but if he has a few problems then this is probably the least important issue. It really doesn't matter if he drops indoor PE, not if it means the difference between him settling into school and coping well, coming out with enough qualifications to go forward etc. or becoming so anxious that he wants to avoid school.

duchy

t0rt0ise wrote: »

I can't imagine anyone saying that's not Aspergerish. It's certainly not 'normal'.

What's "normal" ?

I know plenty of adults who do all kinds of strange things -like-talk about Eastenders like it's real, run around a muddy field chasing a pig's bladder with 21 other people trying to kick it into a net, etc etc
I don't regard that as "normal" but so long as they aren't scaring the horses-who cares ?

Gingham_R

duchy wrote: »

What's "normal" ?

I know plenty of adults who do all kinds of strange things -like-talk about Eastenders like it's real, run around a muddy field chasing a pig's bladder with 21 other people trying to kick it into a net, etc etc
I don't regard that as "normal" but so long as they aren't scaring the horses-who cares ?

:rotfl: There are many, many things that baffle me about 'normal' activities too. You've picked 2 of my favourites!

grey_lady

Lots and lots of years ago - think the mid-eighties, i worked in a school that took kindergarten up to sixth form. I was there for a few years and I think we had one autistic/ADHD child that whole time - and I don't mean a child with that official lable, I mean a child displaying those kinds of symptoms - eventually, after a couple of months Oliver settled down a bit, there was no big deal or attention drawn to his behaviour but very quickly that 8 year old calmed down a bit, not enough to think there was some kind of magic cure, but enough to make it a noticable difference on his day to day behaviour.

I like to think that theres some merit in not drawing attention to differences.

JC9297

GlasweJen wrote: »

I keep imagining this kid as a grown man on his honeymoon unable to stick on a pair of shorts to walk along the beach with his new wife, or take a dip in a hot tub, or use a sauna or a steam room at a gym. No taking the kids swimming or playing in the uni 5 a sides team.

But yeah, sure, it's just shorts.

This just highlights the different ideas of what people think of when someone mentions autism. I would love to think that my 19 year old son could do any of these things, but they are so far from reality it is laughable. He has what I suppose used to be called classic autism, and is seen as at the severe end of the spectum, with severe learning disability.

The description 'autistic' has almost become so all-encompassing that it really gives no real indication of the individual's difficulties. So when the OP says 'my autistic son' everybody is imagining a different set of behaviours/abilities etc. based on their own understanding or experience of autism.
I know that when I first tell colleagues at the mainstream school I work in that my son has autism they imagine someone far more able, because in mainstream school teachers never come across the most sevely affected children, IYKWIM.

Likewise, GlasweJen is not necessarily representative of many people with autism as she has obviously been able to have a relatively normal life i.e. uni, job, relationships.

Sorry no help to the OP, except that an outline of his particular difficulties may get more helpful responses.

jackieb

grey_lady wrote: »

Lots and lots of years ago - think the mid-eighties, i worked in a school that took kindergarten up to sixth form. I was there for a few years and I think we had one autistic/ADHD child that whole time - and I don't mean a child with that official lable, I mean a child displaying those kinds of symptoms - eventually, after a couple of months Oliver settled down a bit, there was no big deal or attention drawn to his behaviour but very quickly that 8 year old calmed down a bit, not enough to think there was some kind of magic cure, but enough to make it a noticable difference on his day to day behaviour.

I like to think that theres some merit in not drawing attention to differences.

You didn't just say that?! I'm lost for words.