school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

peachyprice

nicki wrote: »

to be fair to glaswejen though what she is saying is no different to what adults like temple grandin and donna williams, who are both very profoundly autistic and had very severe challenges as children, now say as adults. They both have gone much further in their lives than anyone could have anticipated when they were children, and they both attribute this to the fact that as children they were helped to confront the things which caused them difficulties.

I know with my dd, when she was much younger she could not cope with flourescent lighting, so taking her shopping was a total nightmare. We worked on this with her because we couldn't see how she could cope as an adult without being able to go into a big shop, as smaller corner shops go by the wayside, and now one of her favourite things to do is to a trip to sainsburys or tescos, where she pushes the trolley and helps choose the food. Similarly, she used to hate showers (but loves swimming) and the local pool had a shower you had to go through to get to the poolside. Again with work and patience, she was able to overcome this sensory issue, and she will now quite happily shower and wash her hair whether or not she is going swimming.

I am not saying the school is dealing with this issue in the right way, as they clearly are causing this child too much anxiety, but, without knowing more, nor am i saying that the child should never be expected to wear the shorts. It may well be that with patience and preparation that he can be helped to wear them whilst keeping his anxiety under control, and that would not be a bad thing imho. I know that some of the older kids who have now left my dd's special school only function in society by looking quite odd when out in public (heavy hoodies, sunglasses and earphones at all times). They aren't doing any harm, but they are drawing attention to themselves and making themselves even more of a target for those who would do them harm in society, and maybe it would have been better for them long term if someone could have worked with them to find ways of meeting their sensory needs in a more conformist way?

Brilliant!

Lunar_Eclipse

USM wrote: »

I'm going to risk getting flamed by the liberal majority here but...

He is a child. Children are difficult and most of them hate P.E. Exercise some discipline and tell him he has to wear shorts and back the school up.

I agree with this, and I'm usually on the child's side. It's part of conforming, which will benefit him in the long term after he's left school, plus I'd also question whether this is really a battle worth picking. It's only PE. A lot of kids hate their PE kit (I did!)

Both my girls feel the same, without any medical conditions. Eldest has to wear a leotard for gym and a mandatory swimming costume for swimming whilst being a very body conscious, developing almost 12 year old. Youngest doesn't do tight fitting clothing and will not wear shorts that are above knee length ... the school PE shorts are like huge, short granny knickers (you can see her underwear and she's 10, not 2, so it matters!)

Sadly, I think these feelings are why so many children, particularly girls, start forgetting their PE kits in senior school.

How old is your son? If he's of infant age, I might pursue this on his behalf, but assuming he's 7+, I think I'd listen to his feelings but try to play it down.

concerned43

My DS is 14 in a couple of months times - he stared puberty early (at 11) - he is dark and therefore all hair is black. the kids in his year are 11/12 years old and have not started puberty yet. so my son stands out from the rest because of his deep voice. height (5ft 7in) and is growing a moustache (which he will be shaving off this week) as there are too many taunts about it. His legs are as hairy as a mans and as soon as the hairs got darker and longer he became very self concious. It was not a problem at junior school as all the other kids knew DS well enough to know not to tease him, however at senior school they don't! Yesterdays fiasco was because another child pointed out to the PE teacher that DS was wearing tracksuit bottoms and felt that was unfair - the PE teacher felt that she had to do something and asked (in front of the whole class, why DS was wearing them)! DS was mortified and left the hall! the PE teacher went and got him and gave him detention for not obeying the 'rules'! when I collected DS for lunch, he was in bits!!:(
I am not suggesting for a minute that DS should forever wear tracksuit bottoms but rather he should until his peers have caught up with him in the puberty stakes and then he should be gently encouraged to move onto shorts. Therefore I reckon in a years time this will no longer be a problem (hopefully).
with regards to his mainstream education - my DS excells at maths and science. he is very poor at english, art, languages and so so for the rest!
with regards to support at school - its a hit and miss. All of his teachers are aware of his condition and some are really good with him, helping him get the best out of the subject. Others feel he is a hinderance and refuse to give him the time to adapt, work at his own pace, understand the subject!
His anxiety stems from him being at school - he finds it impossible to make friends, understand what people are saying, interpret the meaning of what people are saying to him and even when the say something like " have you had your hair cut" DS will think that they are saying his hair is ugly. Sone classes are more successful than others because they have him sitting next to his cousin (which DS relies on) but others have moved him to sit with strangers and this raises his anxiety to the point that he cannot concentrate on the lesson.
DS has a support plan with the school however it is outdated as it has not been updated this junior school and trying to get the school to update it is a nightmare ...but that's another story!

skipsmum

GlasweJen wrote: »

I keep imagining this kid as a grown man on his honeymoon unable to stick on a pair of shorts to walk along the beach with his new wife, or take a dip in a hot tub, or use a sauna or a steam room at a gym. No taking the kids swimming or playing in the uni 5 a sides team.

But yeah, sure, it's just shorts.

I hope you haven't written off my DS's life in the same way!

Btw, I have one child with physical disabilities, who's school falls over backwards to help, and one with autism and SLD, who they never tried to understand at all. In our case its the autism that is far more disabling and has a far greater effect on our lives.

concerned43

skipsmum wrote: »

I hope you haven't written off my DS's life in the same way!

Btw, I have one child with physical disabilities, who's school falls over backwards to help, and one with autism and SLD, who they never tried to understand at all. In our case its the autism that is far more disabling and has a far greater effect on our lives.

I agree with you 100%

Lunar_Eclipse

concerned43 wrote: »

the kids in his year are 11/12 years old and have not started puberty yet.

Perhaps that's true, although I find it surprising.

My 11 year old daughter (Y7) started puberty years ago, along with a significant minority of girls. She's 5'3" and whilst tall and reasonably developed (eg hair removal definitely required before swimming), she doesn't stand out as 'one of the very tall/developed ones'.

I've noticed dark, facial hair and changing voices in some of the boys, although again there's a significant variation. One is shaving already, he's about 5'7".

There's a huge difference in physical build and development amongst a group of 11/12 year old children: some look about 9 and others about 15. I'd be very surprised if he really stood out as looking much older than everyone else in his class, although I know it's possible (because sadly my 10 year old does, she's very tall and her peers are unusually small!)

At 14, I'm honestly not sure what action I would take. On the one hand, you don't want your child distressed and anxious, yet on the other, I can't help but wondering if the shorts would be replaced by something else if this anxiety was removed. Senior school is really hard, for most people. I think my action would depend on how severe your son's ASD is and your views on what would help him more in the longer term, as an adult in the wider world.

I say this as a parent who's 11 year old got a seriously inappropriate, unprofessional, sarcastic note written about a homework last week, which shocked me and made me very angry, given the circumstances. It's also going to have a negative affect on her future effort in that particular subject, so I can't for the life of me help wondering what this teacher was thinking. But it's one teacher. Maybe having a really bad day. And I know it's not in my daughter's interests, for me to take any action, so we've kept my fury at home!

Candy53

The school 'is' being totally unreasonable, and also show their complete lack of sensitivity towards children with special needs.

My son is autistic. He is grown up now, but when he was at school the educational psychologist, and a special needs social worker were constantly involved in his school life, and if I had any problems they would step in and have meetings with the teachers.

Do you have these people involved? If you do, go to them for help. If not, contact your local education authority and report this. They do listen, and take you seriously, mine did.

Best of Luck,
Candy.

concerned43

This is only one example of whats causing his anxiety at school and its way more serious than a remark on homework. I am an intellegent women and know when to pick my fights and it has always been around his schooling! because if his school does not get it right he can forget about university and a career!
and although it was just a pair of shorts - it meant that my DS was so anxious he did not want to go back to school and this morning was a nightmare to get him to school - he was extemely anxious and tearful - would you want your child to be in that state going to school day after day?
All I want is for the school to support my DS, educate him according to his abilities, lesson the anxiety by learning the triggers and work on solutions - its not rocket science

• let him wear tracksuit bottoms - and the rest of the class if they want to, thus lessoning his differences.
• let him sit next to the people he feels comfortable/safe with
• write down his homework tasks for him so he can participate in that aspect of his education - currrently he does not do homework as he cannot write down the homework due to poor handwritting co-ordination
• find his strenghts and weaknesses, praise the former, work with him on the latter.
• give him time to complete work as by not doing so means he feels a failure
• give him help with interpretating a book and help writting essays etc rather than just concentrating on his reading
• when things get too much for him in case allow him some time out to calm down before joining the class again.

seriously - is it too much to ask?

concerned43

Candy53 wrote: »

The school 'is' being totally unreasonable, and also show their complete lack of sensitivity towards children with special needs.

My son is autistic. He is grown up now, but when he was at school the educational psychologist, and a special needs social worker were constantly involved in his school life, and if I had any problems they would step in and have meetings with the teachers.

Do you have these people involved? If you do, go to them for help. If not, contact your local education authority and report this. They do listen, and take you seriously, mine did.

Best of Luck,
Candy.

Oh God - don't get me started on this - He has a SEN worker whom he meets with twice a week - but that is only to put him onto a computer to test his spelling and reading abilities. they have decided to train 6th formers to do this and thus he will soon be losing his SEN!
other than that he has a guidance teacher who thinks I am a nutter and rolls her eyes whenever I see her!

concerned43

I have called the Autisic Society and a case worker is calling me back - hopefully they will be able to give me some advice about the whole thing - not just about the PE shorts, as that incident is only a small part of whats happening.