school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

Bitsy_Beans

affordmylife wrote: »

if a child has no statement then he or she is not seen as requiring any addition allowances or help. if he or she does have a statement then it means that they will be supported to behave and conform to the rules of behaviour that the other children do. it does not mean they will be allowed to choose how to behave or dress.

My son does not have a statement. My SENCO told me this afternoon at his review that he wouldn't get one, presumably because he is above average at reading and maths and intellectually is coping OK. He currently receives TA assistance through School Action Plus.

The whole point of this thread is the very fact school are failing to support the child. Their insistence that he wear something rather than finding a compromise to support him is the issue.
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affordmylife

yes they get allocated a teaching assistant who is in the class generally but specifically for the autistic child with the statement. the other children are not made aware that you are there only for one child.

if the young man in question does not have a teaching assistant one has to ask why?
if the young man is 18 months older than his peers one has to ask why and clearly he is already marked as being different purely for being older.

affordmylife

unfortunately our schools are failing many many children. sadly i see it every day.

jellyhead

peachyprice wrote: »

Neither of those two things are trying to teach her son how to deal with the situation, they are OP dealing with the situation for him.

No, but he is only in year 7 so has only done one term of high school. When mine was at this stage (he was only just 11 though, a summer birthday) I wanted to call the school every time he came home with bruises or got into trouble because his PE kit mysteriously disappeared from where he'd left it or he got detention because he didn't have time to write his homework down. I still felt like he was my baby and needed me to be his advocate.

4 years later I have taken several steps back

When he was in year 8 there was an incident and we ended up with a pupil support plan (a sort of behaviour contract which involved 5 meetings with staff, myself and him). School seemed to think it was ok for me to be involved at that stage (he was 12). Nowadays I don't think they would even call me, which is fine. first term of high school is still quite young.

jellyhead

concerned43 wrote: »

All I want is for the school to support my DS, educate him according to his abilities, lesson the anxiety by learning the triggers and work on solutions - its not rocket science

• let him wear tracksuit bottoms - and the rest of the class if they want to, thus lessoning his differences.
• let him sit next to the people he feels comfortable/safe with
• write down his homework tasks for him so he can participate in that aspect of his education - currrently he does not do homework as he cannot write down the homework due to poor handwritting co-ordination
• find his strenghts and weaknesses, praise the former, work with him on the latter.
• give him time to complete work as by not doing so means he feels a failure
• give him help with interpretating a book and help writting essays etc rather than just concentrating on his reading
• when things get too much for him in case allow him some time out to calm down before joining the class again.

seriously - is it too much to ask?

2 of those things - the having time to complete work, and the writing down of homework ... have you seen the SENCO about it?

In year 9 my son got an alphasmart (a kind of laptop) so he could type in lessons because he wasn't able to keep up due to his poor hand writing. Is there a possibility of your son using one?

We saw somebody from the council (Physical Support Services) who advises schools on what resources children need to help them with their studies.

In addition to the alphasmart she mentioned using a recording device (but decided not to go down that route with my son) which is just a digital recording thing that the child speaks into, instead of writing the homework down during the lesson.

They also had a collection of differently shaped pens and pencils to help with hand writing, various strategies for helping with dyslexia etc. and I'd recommend talking to them if there's a similar department in your council.

daska

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm just replying to the bold bit, at my school everyone wore a netball skirt, the autistic, the Muslim, the uber conservative Jews, the girl with the huge scar from being bitten by a dog etc etc. we all also wore the bottle green knee length school skirts, the knitted tights permitted only in winter term, the horrendous shirts and the blazer that weighed a tonne. No exceptions, no excuses.

My mum never allowed autism to be an excuse for me. I hate answering phones,I hate working with men, I'm not keen on meeting strangers and I'm dreading going back to work because first I need to have a meeting with my (male) manager and then it's back to life answering phones and dealing with the public. I did my degree hoping to get a job at the end where it would be me and my machine (science) but there are no jobs in that just now so I had to get one that's not what I would want but I've been told that's life.

There is a huge difference between using something as an excuse and recognising that there are limitations that cannot be overcome. One classic ASD trait is lack of empathy, but not everyone on spectrum is lacking. Ditto 80% of people on spectrum having sensory problems, but not all. And learning disabilities are common on spectrum, but not for everyone. You are just one example from one end of the autistic spectrum, many others need determined advocates just to get a chance at the opportunities you've already experienced. And at the other end there are those who will never develop the ability to communicate verbally and will live out their lives struggling to make sense of, and cope with, what is going on around them.

I saw a lovely quote not so long back. I can't remember the exact wording but essentially it was: "See one person with autism and you've seen... one person with autism."

duchy

daisiegg wrote: »

I have to admit, it sounds absolutely awful, but in a mainstream school some of that IS too much to ask.

Rubbish My son had every single one of those things on the shopping list

I am a secondary teacher and if I count the number of different students I teach over all my classes, it's around 250. And that's with me teaching a core subject, where I see my classes more frequently; a PE teacher for example (or music, or DT, or any other subject that has lessons less frequently), who may see one class only once a week, probably teaches double that. It takes me up until Christmas just to learn all the names of all my classes, let alone figure out who needs to sit next to someone specific and who needs their homework written down for them and what each of their individual strengths and weaknesses are.

That's not the children's problem

I WANT to remember important things about each pupil...and I WANT to find every pupils' strengths and praise them, and find every pupils' weaknesses and support them to improve.......but it is not always physically possible.

Perhaps you should try harder. I used to have teachers like you who at report time would ask me who such and such a child was as they hadn't a clue. It was always the weaker teachers who did this-the really strong teachers knew ALL of the kids by half term never mind Christmas -and got better results, had better discipline etc.
I have a girl who is on the autistic spectrum in one of my Y8 classes and I can honestly say that so far I have done nothing different for her than for any other pupil. Seeking out the SENCO to find out what her specific difficulties are and what I need to be doing to support her IS on my list of things to do - but above it is planning lessons, marking, doing reports and tracking and paperwork and attending meetings and responding to parental emails and doing parents' evenings and meeting social services about the girl in my form whose mum has cancer and whose grandmother is neglecting her......unfortunately finding out whether this girl in my Y8 class needs to sit next to someone specific, or needs her homework written down for her etc - gets pushed down to the bottom of the list below all the day to day stuff that HAS to be done right now. Because visibly she is getting along ok it's never QUITE urgent enough to be done right this second - whereas the visually impaired girl I teach is always remembered because if I don't enlarge the resources for her she can't do the lesson. Perhaps if your son is putting on a 'brave face' at school and they are not seeing the distress you see at home, he too is dropping down the list.

Shame on you for not ensuring the kids in your care are getting better support. ASK for support for the kids who need an LSA to support them-As for putting on a "brave face" enough with the excuses please-any observant professional can see when a kid with ASD is struggling-they see the world in black and white with few shades of grey. It's impossible to miss unless you don't want to see it.

And yet with all that I have just said, I really really do care, as I think you will find is the case for most teachers. I just have had absolutely no training at any point about autism, or supporting pupils with SEN. I teach 250 different pupils and every one of them has their own individual needs - and every parent feels just as strongly about it as you do, even if their child doesn't have a specific SEN. I want to do my best for absolutely all of my pupils and I do, to the best of my time and ability, and what you described is what every child deserves, I don't think anyone would dispute that. Most teachers I know do their best, but it is not always possible to do as much as you want to do.

There's plenty of books out there-you could try educating yourself -wouldn't take much. I can suggest a couple of books you could read if you like. They aren't long. You're talking the talk about caring but you're not walking the walk.

I would give you some advice though, from the school's perspective:
- keep on at your SENCO. S/he really needs to be your 'voice' in school. S/he needs to make sure that your son's teachers know about his needs, and what they need to be doing on a day to day basis to help him.
- develop a good relationship with your son's form tutor. I know as a form tutor you really do care about the pupils in your form, so this might be another person who will fight for your son. I know we regularly receive emails from form tutors saying "so and so in my form is struggling with organisation, please check she is writing her homework down" or "so and so's family have fallen out with so and so's family so please make sure the two daughters don't sit together" etc... I am pleased that the girls in my form feel that they can talk to me about things, as well as their parents, and if they do I really do endeavor to be 'on their side' and talk to other teachers about their issues.

Is that what you do? Pass the buck-after all you've already said nearly halfway through the school year you've still not met with your own SENCO about one of your own autistic students. Hope someone else will help as you are just "too busy" !
- make sure you explain very clearly and, as far as possible, unemotionally to your son's teachers what his needs are. This might be when you see them at parents' evening, or you might want to set up a meeting with his form tutor and a few key subject teachers, or you might contact the teachers directly. I know I am grateful for emails from parents, as it allows me to read carefully and respond in my own time (usually on my laptop at home at 10pm once I've finished my marking!) and I can then save the email and refer to it later to remind myself of exactly what the parent has said. This is probably better than phonecalls.

So if a child is in need you need to REFER back to an email to REMIND yourself ?????
- your son needs to find someone within school that he feels comfortable talking to. Again, this person could become his advocate and communicate with teachers for him - so if you had the form tutor, the SENCO and a mentor type person on board - you'd have more avenues to get things sorted out when necessary.
- don't give up! The vocal, 'naggy' parents ARE the ones who get noticed and heard. Send as many emails as you need to, push to set up meetings, bombard the school and teachers with info. As a busy teacher, who really does want to help her pupils, I would RATHER be bombarded with the info than left to find it out myself...as I said, if it's left up to the teacher to figure out what each pupil needs it will fall to the bottom of the list. Whereas if you are told, repeatedly, and you have met x's mum lots of times and she emails you when anything is wrong - it's a constant reminder.

More buck passing

Sorry for such a mammoth post. I just feel strongly about this, and some of it really struck a chord with me. I went into teaching to help and support and nurture pupils - not to spend hours marking books and writing reports - but so often teachers just physically don't have the time to treat every child as the individual that they are. I hope your son gets the help and support he needs and deserves.

I suspect you'd find teaching a lot more rewarding if you thought of children in better terms and not always someone else's problem. You're not exceptional -plenty of teachers struggle to do both-but the GOOD ones work out the balance and make the most amazing difference to their students. Wouldn't you like to be one of those instead ?

You'll note I "feel strongly" about this too-the difference I suspect is that I did something about it. I would go talk to the SENCO if I had concerns about a child -not alwys the easiest thing to schedule but when it's inportant enough-it gets done!

duchy

affordmylife wrote: »

im really really sorry to say this but i think you are asking way way too much.

you send your son to a mainstream school then he has to follow the rules that all the other children follow including what to where, to sit where told, no allowances made for homework etc.

if he is unable to cope with mainstream school then he is in the wrong place.

s.

Ah but this is "inclusion".
High schools with ASD units attatched to mainstream schools are on the whole fabulous but far and few between and the majority of parents would love to have their kids attend one-or to have 25 hours a week one to one support in mainstream but there simply is not the provision for it. This is what is meant by budget cuts -and where it affects kids (and not just kids with disabilities or learning difficulties as the rest of their classes lose teaching time whilst teachers give more help to the unsupported kids).

I'm a parent of an ASD young person who was fortunate enough to be statemented at primary school (had we lived in the LEA area he went to secondary school in he would not have got a statement as Medway do their very best not to statement any ASD child -whereas Croydon had a more enlightened attitude. My son definitely needed full time support -but whilst working as an LSA I supported plenty of kids who needed it even more yet officially as they didn't have statements weren't getting it. It was very common for me to be allocated a child for one on one support in a class -and then get told I also needed to unofficially support 5 or 6 others in the class.

It's all about money !

Incidently-where do you get the funny idea from that parents get to CHOOSE which school their child attends ???? It's not the reality for many !

Bitsy_Beans

My son is only in year one so not so far along. However his school are so accommodating its untrue. I consider my son to be so lucky to be in place where due to sensory overload he hates participating in music class (one TA tried it and ended up with him crying with distress) and whilst he stands up and sits down with the rest of the class he's not forced to join in thereby ensuring maximum distress for him and disruption for the rest of the class. The teacher acknowledges his issue and picks her battles accordingly. (this is not something Ive requested, today was the first I've heard of it).
rather depressingly it seems once you enter secondary school all bets are off and you're left to paddle your own canoe

daska

duchy wrote: »

Ah but this is "inclusion".
High schools with ASD units attatched to mainstream schools are on the whole fabulous but far and few between and the majority of parents would love to have their kids attend one-or to have 25 hours a week one to one support in mainstream but there simply is not the provision for it. This is what is meant by budget cuts -and where it affects kids (and not just kids with disabilities or learning difficulties as the rest of their classes lose teaching time whilst teachers give more help to the unsupported kids).

I'm a parent of an ASD young person who was fortunate enough to be statemented at primary school (had we lived in the LEA area he went to secondary school in he would not have got a statement as Medway do their very best not to statement any ASD child -whereas Croydon had a more enlightened attitude. My son definitely needed full time support -but whilst working as an LSA I supported plenty of kids who needed it even more yet officially as they didn't have statements weren't getting it. It was very common for me to be allocated a child for one on one support in a class -and then get told I also needed to unofficially support 5 or 6 others in the class.

It's all about money !

Incidently-where do you get the funny idea from that parents get to CHOOSE which school their child attends ???? It's not the reality for many !

I have to laugh or I will cry at the memory of the day I finally got the EP's report on DS2. As it listed the problems he was encountering and the ASD markers and the help he needed I found myself 'happy' that he was officially bad enough to qualify for a statement. It's a sad state of affairs when one feels like that.