school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

concerned43

Ok, Autistic Society has not returned calls - so guess i am on my own again! my DS has a statement but it says basically nothing and badly needs updating - however don't believe it would make much difference to how he is treated at school.
his SENCO is really incompetent, a complete waste of space! and promises the earth but delivers nothing.
got a surprise in his school bag last night as two teachers have typed out his homework for him - must admit i cried a little when I saw that kindness...pathetic really..who cries when their child is given homework?
with regards to a comment made about him relying on his cousin - he is only in 3 classes with his cousin and sits beside him in only one - what i meant about 'relience' is comfort that he knows he can go to his cousin if he needs help! - the problem with the other classes is that he is sat next to kids who make comments about him, tease him and a generally obnoxious. two of his teachers intervene - the rest don't care.
He is off school today because of something that happened in one of his classes yesterday and he could not stop shaking..he couldn't sleep last night and I let him stay off to calm down.
I phoned the school to complain again today and have threatened them with a formal complaint unless my issues are taking serioously and actioned upon.
I have CAHMS tomorrow - Oh the joys - is it just me, but I really hate CAMHS. I never asked CAHMS for a formal diagnosis but only for help for my DS to manage his anxiety, but they have ignored me and keep putting my DS through test after test!!!!
life sucks!

Mandles

I have had a similar problem. My son has autism and younger than yours. He had a real issue wearing t-shirts as they showed his bare arms and clothing is a major issue (used to change 30+ times a day!!) . Anyway, PE was an issue becuse of his bare arms. It was incredibly simple to sort, he just wore a track suit top over his t-shirt and school was fine with it and then did PE with no worries. What is your schools problem?? He has a mental disability! will it kill them to let him wear tracksuit bottoms as it obviously is causing him distress. It is things like this that can make them a larger problem of going into school itself.

Some issues for some autistic kids are bigger issues than for others with the same condition. And you CANNOT reason as easily always as you can with "normal" kids.

Some of the advice on this thread had me totally gobsmacked. I think that if you dont understand it then dont comment as it just adds more frustration to the situation.

puddy

concerned43 wrote: »

Ok, Autistic Society has not returned calls - so guess i am on my own again! my DS has a statement but it says basically nothing and badly needs updating - however don't believe it would make much difference to how he is treated at school.
his SENCO is really incompetent, a complete waste of space! and promises the earth but delivers nothing.
got a surprise in his school bag last night as two teachers have typed out his homework for him - must admit i cried a little when I saw that kindness...pathetic really..who cries when their child is given homework?
with regards to a comment made about him relying on his cousin - he is only in 3 classes with his cousin and sits beside him in only one - what i meant about 'relience' is comfort that he knows he can go to his cousin if he needs help! - the problem with the other classes is that he is sat next to kids who make comments about him, tease him and a generally obnoxious. two of his teachers intervene - the rest don't care.
He is off school today because of something that happened in one of his classes yesterday and he could not stop shaking..he couldn't sleep last night and I let him stay off to calm down.
I phoned the school to complain again today and have threatened them with a formal complaint unless my issues are taking serioously and actioned upon.
I have CAHMS tomorrow - Oh the joys - is it just me, but I really hate CAMHS. I never asked CAHMS for a formal diagnosis but only for help for my DS to manage his anxiety, but they have ignored me and keep putting my DS through test after test!!!!
life sucks!

why do you 'hate' camhs?

how are your relationships with the rest of the services involved with the family?

they have to test him at camhs, its called assessment, so they can direct their help better

could he have gone in for a half day today, seeing as he may miss time tomorrow if he is going to camhs (or is the appointment out of school time?) you need to be careful of reinforcing the message that school is a bad place that he needs to stay away from

there are certainly issues that need sorting, school need to intervene if he is being bullied but overall, the message needs to be that there are some positives to school, just like you need to give a message that camhs are positive for him

Brighton_belle

Daisyegg, you sound a fantastic teacher:T. Personally I thought your original post was very helpful explaining how it so often is for teachers in a big school. I was stunned at the unpleasant personal attack on you. I hope you recover from you own ill health soon and are able to get back to the job you love and make a difference with.

Gingham_R

concerned43 wrote: »

I have CAHMS tomorrow - Oh the joys - is it just me, but I really hate CAMHS. I never asked CAHMS for a formal diagnosis but only for help for my DS to manage his anxiety, but they have ignored me and keep putting my DS through test after test!!!!
life sucks!

I know what you mean. I didn't realise CAHMS did testing but the testing is utterly USELESS without doing something with the results. Worse than useless - it's labelling with all the potential negatives that brings and none of the positives - ie appropriate support.

Have you tried parent partnership?

daisiegg

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Daisyegg, you sound a fantastic teacher:T. Personally I thought your original post was very helpful explaining how it so often is for teachers in a big school. I was stunned at the unpleasant personal attack on you. I hope you recover from you own ill health soon and are able to get back to the job you love and make a difference with.

Thank you very much for your kind post - glad not everyone got the impression I was uncaring! I had three MRIs today (brain, neck, spine) so hopefully will get some answers soon. Am spending far too much time on here in the meantime, though!

jellyhead

concerned43 wrote: »

the problem with the other classes is that he is sat next to kids who make comments about him, tease him and a generally obnoxious. two of his teachers intervene - the rest don't care.
He is off school today because of something that happened in one of his classes yesterday and he could not stop shaking..he couldn't sleep last night and I let him stay off to calm down.
I phoned the school to complain again today and have threatened them with a formal complaint unless my issues are taking serioously and actioned upon.
I have CAHMS tomorrow - Oh the joys - is it just me, but I really hate CAMHS. I never asked CAHMS for a formal diagnosis but only for help for my DS to manage his anxiety, but they have ignored me and keep putting my DS through test after test!!!!
life sucks!

What about a 'time out' card that he can use in a class where he gets distressed by the teasing?

They do it at my son's high school but only for a very small number of children and you have to really push for it. It's an informal arrangement with my son, he had a problem in a class in year 8 where the teacher had left the room. Basically, if a class upsets him he is allowed to get up and walk out, but he has to go straight to the pastoral office and spend the rest of the lesson in there. There would be further investigations made involving his tutor, the class teacher, head of year or whatever depending on what had happened, so it's not an easy skive. It's never had to happen since then though, so my son hasn't used the 'time out'.

It is a very good idea I think, because kids aren't usually allowed to leave the classroom, so bullying can get out of control. Also, if he had to leave a classroom then the teacher of that class would have to get involved in a discussion about the bullying/teasing that's going on, and how to combat that (moving him to a different table perhaps?)

I found CAMHS to be wonderful, but they didn't test my son, they just had a chat with him then told me that he is not autistic or dyspraxic 'enough' for a diagnosis, then they gave him counselling sessions which were fab.

Gingham_R

It's the counselling service from CAMHS that I know of and highly rate. I hadn't known till now that they do anything else.

daska

jellyhead wrote: »

What about a 'time out' card that he can use in a class where he gets distressed by the teasing?

They do it at my son's high school but only for a very small number of children and you have to really push for it. It's an informal arrangement with my son, he had a problem in a class in year 8 where the teacher had left the room. Basically, if a class upsets him he is allowed to get up and walk out, but he has to go straight to the pastoral office and spend the rest of the lesson in there. There would be further investigations made involving his tutor, the class teacher, head of year or whatever depending on what had happened, so it's not an easy skive. It's never had to happen since then though, so my son hasn't used the 'time out'.

It is a very good idea I think, because kids aren't usually allowed to leave the classroom, so bullying can get out of control. Also, if he had to leave a classroom then the teacher of that class would have to get involved in a discussion about the bullying/teasing that's going on, and how to combat that (moving him to a different table perhaps?)

I found CAMHS to be wonderful, but they didn't test my son, they just had a chat with him then told me that he is not autistic or dyspraxic 'enough' for a diagnosis, then they gave him counselling sessions which were fab.

DS1 had a time out card for a while at one school. It meant he could remove himself from the teasing and bullying and go to the SEN suite.

N.B. It wasn't always the pupils who were the cause of the problem, he's dyspraxic and had the standard sadistic ignoramus who makes PE and games miserable for children lacking in coordination. This one even used to egg the other children on to tease him so in the end DS1 didn't even bother going, he just waved his time out card through the door and went to the SEN suite and the SENCO did exercises with him and another boy who had been reduced to tears every games session. The SENCO was very unimpressed with the other teacher and he left not long after DS1 started. (Apologies to any PE teachers reading who aren't like that.)

jellyhead

My son encountered one teacher like that. Luckily it was in a subject that he was going to drop at the end of year 9, and when I informed school that I wanted my son to drop it at the start of year 9 and do homework in the library instead the head of year got involved and this teacher suddenly treated my son a lot nicer, which was the best result all round.

I'm just glad it wasn't a subject like PE, which they are not allowed to drop!