school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

Mojisola

concerned43 wrote: »

the school is insisting my DS wear shorts for PE - however he hates shorts and refuses to wear them (has never worn them) - this, i believe is part of his autism. I have spoken with the school about this and they insist that my DS wears the shorts!

In addition to the advice already given, have a look at the fancy blurb the school hands out to parents. Bet you anything there will be stuff about "treating each child as an individual" and "catering to children's different needs". Make the school walk the talk!

notakid

The problem with many teachers is they have no real SEN training, and we are all only human, unless you have been touched with a disability for many its hard to relate. (BTW if all teachers were like daisiegg SEN within Schools would be in a much better place.)

My son is ASD and he had a real issue with shorts and short sleeved tops, drove us mad for years! However we found the reason, once my sister and her husband had taken them to the indoor sking centre and they had to wear long shirts and trousers, for some reason it then stuck. To us it was a weird quirk but to my son it made him feel safe.

I try not to let my own experiences cloud my judgement, the Senco who told me her own son was dyslexic but she didn't use the label because he was lazy. :cool: Or the teacher at primary school who had me nearly in tears of anger when he thought he was praising me, "Mrs notakid, we know you have always been a good mom trying to get help for notakid junior, and if you'd got the help he now could be normal....." (my son was statemented in secondary, by a wonderful new senco) No help was given at primary.

Not that the secondary was great, when my son was attacked by a group of lads, his Head of Year told me he brought it on himself......yeah, being ASD gives you such good social skills...this never happens to other ASD's.....His form teacher who told me that he thought that my son was always dealt a bad hand in every situation and he admired him for always picking himself up. He was angry that he had been voted out of the class...(don't ask!)

One of my friends friends had trained as a stand in teacher and was running down a child who was obviously ASD at the school all our children attended, I pointingly asked her did she think he had a SEN, no she said, he is just unpleasant, our mutual friend thought I was going to hit her over the head, the look on my face! :rotfl:

By the time I realised my Daughter was dyslexic I was too tired to battle. I just told her C's are good, forget A*'s and I got her a private tutor and asked the SENCO for extra time. I work for a dyslexic charity, I KNOW there is no help in Birmingham.

My humble opinion, is that labels do matter, its guff all this "we don't want to label", I've taught both my children that their SEN's aren't an excuse, they are just a reason why they have to work a little harder. Saying something isn't so doesn't make it go away but having a label is a little bit of proof, a little bit of protection and I can understand why some people are talked out of having it.;)

daska

I agree, I am seriously regretting not pushing for a formal diagnosis for DS1. It was OK when he was living with me but since he moved to live with his dad his SEN support has been woefully inadequate. Largely because his step-brother is dyslexic and therefore his step-mum decided that she was qualified to dismiss several professional assessments that demonstrated problems with dyslexia/dyspraxia on the basis that she knew he was just lazy. I managed to sort it out at the first school, I had to write to the Governors to do it but once that got me a chat with the SENCO he was sorted out within days - it wasn't even about the amount of support, just his being aware that there was someone to support him when he needed it and using the reports to ensure he got the extra time he needed in exams. He's now at an Academy, and loving it, but I'm getting updates from his mentor who obviously doesn't have a clue that being dyspraxic doesn't just affect how you walk, it affects how you think :wall: and there is sod all I can do about it because DS1 doesn't want to get a diagnosis. So the extra exam time I fought for is now probably a pipe-dream which will in turn affect his grades and limit his choices.

I know I did what I thought was best for him at the time, but now I know better. In hindsight it appears that he has a (far milder) form of the sensory processing problem his little brother has.

jellyhead

daska wrote: »

He's now at an Academy, and loving it, but I'm getting updates from his mentor who obviously doesn't have a clue that being dyspraxic doesn't just affect how you walk, it affects how you think :wall: and there is sod all I can do about it because DS1 doesn't want to get a diagnosis. So the extra exam time I fought for is now probably a pipe-dream which will in turn affect his grades and limit his choices.

Does he type in lessons? Last year the person in charge of exams at the school told me that new rules had come in, which meant that a child who types in lessons is allowed to type in any exams that have a large element of writing, even if the child does not have a diagnosis. They need a letter from their GP to say that they have difficulties and would benefit from being able to type in their exams.

My son takes his exams in a small room with another boy. The other boy has a diagnosis of dyspraxia, and mine doesn't, but they are treated exactly the same when it comes to exams.

gwhizz75

GlasweJen wrote: »

I keep imagining this kid as a grown man on his honeymoon unable to stick on a pair of shorts to walk along the beach with his new wife, or take a dip in a hot tub, or use a sauna or a steam room at a gym. No taking the kids swimming or playing in the uni 5 a sides team.

What a fantastic attempt at making shorts-wearing sound like a life changing, emotionally charged activity!

Gingham_R

notakid wrote: »

My humble opinion, is that labels do matter, its guff all this "we don't want to label", I've taught both my children that their SEN's aren't an excuse, they are just a reason why they have to work a little harder. Saying something isn't so doesn't make it go away but having a label is a little bit of proof, a little bit of protection and I can understand why some people are talked out of having it.;)

Speaking as someone who welcomes the label, both for me (ADHD and dyspraxia) and my son (AD) I think the label only helps if we can do something to support the person too.

"Weighing the pig doesn't fatten it."

What I hate is when labels come with nothing - which is where I am at the moment so maybe my take on it is jaded at the moment!

I want kids to be understood because of their label and to be treated accordingly. That means all sorts of things depending on the child - maybe getting a fiddle toy or being able to sit near the front or having support in the playground or multi-sensory teaching.

Just knowing isn't enough. The label doesn't help without understanding and helps a whole lot more with support.

For example - I'm glad I know about the ADHD. My life would have been very different if I'd known as a child. It's likely I wouldn't have struggled for most of my life with anxiety disorder and intermittent bouts of depression. I'm glad all that's gone. However, just knowing as a child wouldn't have been enough. I'd also have to know that 'trying harder' wasn't going to get the job done and it would have helped a LOT of my teachers had known that too.

notakid

Gingham_R wrote: »

Speaking as someone who welcomes the label, both for me (ADHD and dyspraxia) and my son (AD) I think the label only helps if we can do something to support the person too.

"Weighing the pig doesn't fatten it."

What I hate is when labels come with nothing - which is where I am at the moment so maybe my take on it is jaded at the moment!

I want kids to be understood because of their label and to be treated accordingly. That means all sorts of things depending on the child - maybe getting a fiddle toy or being able to sit near the front or having support in the playground or multi-sensory teaching.

Just knowing isn't enough. The label doesn't help without understanding and helps a whole lot more with support.

For example - I'm glad I know about the ADHD. My life would have been very different if I'd known as a child. It's likely I wouldn't have struggled for most of my life with anxiety disorder and intermittent bouts of depression. I'm glad all that's gone. However, just knowing as a child wouldn't have been enough. I'd also have to know that 'trying harder' wasn't going to get the job done and it would have helped a LOT of my teachers had known that too.

I agree wholeheartly!

Its a sad fact that the support isn't out there, but, at least with a label you have more chance of being listened too, and of course, the help is available in spades once you get to college/HE. Its getting there tho, and of course the bad habits are in place and the fears are too. If only we could catch these children earlier. It just gets me mad that schools are supposed to be inclusive but are often far from. Parents are deemed as over anxious or deluded. And, the ones who aren't pushy, or educated, or have the same problems themselves are the ones fobbed off, the ones that the help would most benefit.

daska

jellyhead wrote: »

Does he type in lessons? Last year the person in charge of exams at the school told me that new rules had come in, which meant that a child who types in lessons is allowed to type in any exams that have a large element of writing, even if the child does not have a diagnosis. They need a letter from their GP to say that they have difficulties and would benefit from being able to type in their exams.

My son takes his exams in a small room with another boy. The other boy has a diagnosis of dyspraxia, and mine doesn't, but they are treated exactly the same when it comes to exams.

This is where it becomes a problem. His dad sides with DS1's stepmother - largely because he will always disagree with me but also, don't laugh, because DS1's private tutor (a recent graduate, not a teacher, with no SEN training) hasn't mentioned it.:wall: He is also parroting step mum's view that that labeling encourages laziness. Now, I can see his point of view, it is possible for some people to use a diagnosis like this to make excuses for a lot of things, but the fact is that a number of people with the benefit of relevant training, qualifications and experience say there is a genuine problem.

His dad actually contacted the last school to say that he didn't want any allowances made for DS1! He then told me I wasn't allowed to contact DS1's school without permission from him. And when he registered DS1 for this school didn't use his legal name and left all my details off the forms.:eek: So I have a sneaky feeling that there is very little chance that he will let DS1 get a letter from his GP to give him permission to type in lessons because that would be 'pandering' to DS1's laziness. I did try to point out that the extra exam time could make all the difference to his grades but it was futile.

I'm currently trying to find a local, private EP so that I can deal with this during the summer holidays when DS1 is here. I've invested so much time and effort and money into DS1's education throughout his life that it seems daft to stop now just because an ignorant sperm donor thinks he knows more about SEN than experienced professionals.

Gingham_R

notakid wrote: »

I agree wholeheartly!

Its a sad fact that the support isn't out there, but, at least with a label you have more chance of being listened too, and of course, the help is available in spades once you get to college/HE. Its getting there tho, and of course the bad habits are in place and the fears are too. If only we could catch these children earlier. It just gets me mad that schools are supposed to be inclusive but are often far from. Parents are deemed as over anxious or deluded. And, the ones who aren't pushy, or educated, or have the same problems themselves are the ones fobbed off, the ones that the help would most benefit.

Absolutely right. And a kick in the teeth for those who would have done well at uni given the opportunity to get there.

Not that I'm complaining about the help. If only I hadn't lost THREE copies of the forms I was supposed to fill in this year I might have had some too. Next year, for definite...

If I pass this year that is. I've lost all my work and am havign to start again...

daska

Gingham_R wrote: »

Absolutely right. And a kick in the teeth for those who would have done well at uni given the opportunity to get there.

Not that I'm complaining about the help. If only I hadn't lost THREE copies of the forms I was supposed to fill in this year I might have had some too. Next year, for definite...

If I pass this year that is. I've lost all my work and am havign to start again...

So why aren't they offering these forms in an 'accessible' format, i.e. downloadable so that those of us with problems with memory, concentration, planning, organisation, handwriting etc can fill them in on line, or at least electronically and submit via e-mail. People who don't have these problems can cope with being sent a sheaf of papers and filling them in, some of us just look at them and know we're going to ****up