school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

skipsmum

daisiegg wrote: »

trongly about this, and some of it really struck a chord with me. I went into teaching to help and support and nurture pupils - not to spend hours marking books and writing reports - but so often teachers just physically don't have the time to treat every child as the individual that they are. I hope your son gets the help and support he needs and deserves.

I'm really glad I read your post. As a parent I do focus on my own child, so I do need reminding that his poor teachers have a class full of kids who all have different needs.
(The "who needs their homework written down" point meant a lot to me as I have just phoned the school about that again!)

Hanging_by_a_thread

concerned43 wrote: »

the school is insisting my DS wear shorts for PE - however he hates shorts and refuses to wear them (has never worn them) - this, i believe is part of his autism. I have spoken with the school about this and they insist that my DS wears the shorts! I have written to the school about DS's adversion to shorts and the one time he did wear them to PE - he was ridiculed by his peers because of his hairy legs (he is a year and a half older that his class mates), this sent him into extreme anxiety (he has a severe anxiety disorder). I got no relpy from the school. Today he was sent to detention at lunch time because he wore tracksuit bottoms instead of shorts!! I am at my wits end with this. what can I do?

If the school wont budge on their insistance that your child wear shorts for PE, then ask them to support your child in doing this, by speaking with the class about their reactions to him when he does.

It is all very well them sticking to a policy. However this is not just a child trying to be awkward or get out of something for no reason. Your son suffers from anxiety as part of his autism and should be helped to be included in school life in a way he finds comfortable.

puddy

daisiegg wrote: »

PS just wondering OP if you can clarify the exact reasons your son doesn't want to wear the shorts - I was under the impression that it was because of the bullying from other pupils about his hairy legs (which is a very valid reason to not want to do something!)

Is that all of it or are there any other issues?

Because it seems to me if it's that, then it is a bullying issue rather than a 'disability' issue? there are people saying things like 'They can NOT make your child wear something he doesn't want to if it goes against his disability.' ...but....at the risk of sounding dense, what has it actually got to do with his 'disability' (don't really like using that word, as we've been taught not to say it!)? Isn't it more to do with the bullying?

Just asking - because I think the distinction changes the way you and the school deal with it - if it was that he doesn't want to wear shorts because of a sensory issue directly related to his autism, verified by your GP, I don't think anyone could argue that the school are right to make him wear them. If he doesn't want to wear them because he is being bullied about his hairy legs (and presumably finds the bullying really difficult to deal with because of his autism) then the school MUST deal with the teasing and bullying, surely, rather than, as others have suggested, working to find ways to make him feel comfortable wearing the shorts?

this is the key question which OP needs to work out, exactly what is her or her son's assessment of the issue, why does wearing the shorts make him so anxious

if it is from general teasing about hairy legs, that is not an ASD issue and the school should be using their 'bullying policy' (again ask for a copy of this to take away and ask for their action plan in this case) and you as a parent need to help him work on containing anxieties about puberty signs and what others think of this.

if it is due to other ASD symptoms and stems from this then this is a different matter and again, proper assessment is necessary to determine whether supporting him to over come the barrier (even if it is about something 'unimportant') will give him better skills for the future and enable further adaptations inn other difficult circumstances and also the ability to feel more comfortably included and 'the same'.

the assesment may not indicate this, it may indicate that this is not an area which will further enhance his skills or abilities, it may be a case of 'cant do' in this small area, but we cant assume this, mum and son need to think about the wider consequences of this small issue to determine whether it is helpful to him to try to work with this (very slowly, it could take months and months) or whether its best left alone at the moment and continue to offer to wear the tracksuit bottoms.

people have commented here about treating difference as different and there not being 'norms'.

sometimes it is suitable and appropriate to treat difference as difference so that we can end up the same (if that make sense), at other times, some adaptation is required of the different person to enable themselves to enhance their skills and abilities. ideally this should be done with specific support, sensitivity and patience. whatever the assessmen for this child, that is certainly not happening here and this is the problem.

im not surprised by the treatment of many children with disabilities within mainstream education, i have changed my own mind over the years about mainstream education for all, not because difference needs to be in a 'different' location but because i believe that mainstream schools simply cannot cope with it, either by default or by design (dependent on the head and governors attitudes)

i work with many young people who are clearly in need of a statement, the school will do anything they can to avoid this, normally leaving it as late as possible and then say, 'oh well he'll be leaving next year there's no point going through the statementing process now' (of course this impacts later on their vulnerable adult status and the care they receive after education as a care leaver)

im probably rambling now but hopefully this all makes sense.

by the way, the teacher that says she is responsible for legal action if incurred, do you take out professional indemity insurance? i am required to as im self employed and work with carers and children in care, however i wouldnt require this if working for the LA??

eta - also when people talk of norms and normal behaviour they are generally referring to acknowledged spectrums of human behaviour or development, obviously things that fall outside these spectrums could be seen as not normal, it doesnt mean 'wrong'

affordmylife

im really really sorry to say this but i think you are asking way way too much.

you send your son to a mainstream school then he has to follow the rules that all the other children follow including what to where, to sit where told, no allowances made for homework etc.

if he is unable to cope with mainstream school then he is in the wrong place.

im sorry if this sounds harsh but you simply cannot allow all the children to wear what they choose for pe or sit with their friend or who they feel comfortable with. that is not the real world in mainstream high school.

at my high school the reason that parents send their autistic children there is because they want them treated like everybody else.

i work with some fabulous austistic youngsters everyday and its his teaching assistants job to make sure he knows what is happening and why he has to do certain things.

the autistic girl i work with has a major meltdown every pe lesson but we make it there eventually fully changed in kit and take part in the lesson. something she was completely unable to do at her primary school only 6 months ago.

if he doesnt have a dedicated teaching assistant with at least 25hrs a week then he is certainly not having the support he needs.

copier_guy

How times change.....

When i was at school (few years ago now) i was actively encouraged to wear track suit bottoms by the Head of PE.

I am slightly disabled and my lower legs are not pretty to look at.

His thinking was - "i was getting exercise and participating in PE"

Hope it works out for you

mucklebones

affordmylife wrote: »

im really really sorry to say this but i think you are asking way way too much.

you send your son to a mainstream school then he has to follow the rules that all the other children follow including what to where, to sit where told, no allowances made for homework etc.

if he is unable to cope with mainstream school then he is in the wrong place.

im sorry if this sounds harsh but you simply cannot allow all the children to wear what they choose for pe or sit with their friend or who they feel comfortable with. that is not the real world in mainstream high school.

at my high school the reason that parents send their autistic children there is because they want them treated like everybody else.

i work with some fabulous austistic youngsters everyday and its his teaching assistants job to make sure he knows what is happening and why he has to do certain things.

the autistic girl i work with has a major meltdown every pe lesson but we make it there eventually fully changed in kit and take part in the lesson. something she was completely unable to do at her primary school only 6 months ago.

if he doesnt have a dedicated teaching assistant with at least 25hrs a week then he is certainly not having the support he needs.

Shes requesting that he not be challenged about this issue right now since there are reasonable alternatives like simply wearing jogging bottoms. Its hardly asking the earth for his emotional stability is it? I dont doubt this could be challenged but why now with everything else he has to cope with. Forcing the issue will cause an unbalance which will cause further problems at home and school.
Im not sure how much this is about him not being able to cope with mainstream school, or more about mainstream school not being able to meet his needs. I think he has done great to get this far as have the family so why upset it all over a pair of shorts. Which yes seems trivial but to him its very real and overcoming this difficulty will be a long difficult process.
My daughter has many extra needs which mainstream school will need to provide for if I decide to send her. She cant be treated like other children she dosent perceive the world or understand the way they do, its an approch some parents might take but not all.
After reading this thread its made me even more apprehensive about sending her to mainstream.

Sorry this reply wasnt all aimed at you directly but felt that the situation is something that can be easily resolved. No doubt the OP has had to keep a balance his whole life, pick battles wisely yet the school are picking this one and the effect could be significantly negative.

Nicki

affordmylife wrote: »

at my high school the reason that parents send their autistic children there is because they want them treated like everybody else.

I think actually a lot of parents send their child to a mainstream school because there is no other alternative to be honest. Or because the only other alternative is to home school, which is not necessarily either possible, or in the best interests of the child.

I know my Local Authority is one of relatively few which has special school provision for students on the autistic spectrum, and that it is massively oversubscribed with a long waiting list. None of the neighbouring Local Authorities have such provision, so the school in our borough gets a lot of out of borough applications too. And as someone else posted earlier, a lot of Local Authorities do not statement their autistic students, and you can't usually get a place in a specialist provision without a statement.

If your mainstream school cannot and does not make adaptations for its autistic students, and those with any other disability, then it is quite simply breaking the law, and I would expect at some point a student or parent, who has no choice but to be educated in mainstream, will challenge its stance in the courts.

affordmylife

thats extremely interesting.

firstly how can an autistic child be expected to manage without a statement and a teaching assistant.

secondly there is no way on earth teachers have the time to deal with one individuals problems during a lesson. that is what the child's teaching assistant is for.

our school has a massive sen department with 25% of students statemented (mostly autistic) all of whom have a teaching assistant working with them to help them to survive the day with all its difficulties.

as a parent i wouldnt dream of sending my child to a school that made no provision for their differences. that is bordering on cruelty.

if a child has no statement then he or she is not seen as requiring any addition allowances or help. if he or she does have a statement then it means that they will be supported to behave and conform to the rules of behaviour that the other children do. it does not mean they will be allowed to choose how to behave or dress.

Brighton_belle

affordmylife wrote: »

at my high school the reason that parents send their autistic children there is because they want them treated like everybody else.But they don't do they, if I understand you post correctly, they get allocated teaching assistants?

i work with some fabulous austistic youngsters everyday and its his teaching assistants job to make sure he knows what is happening and why he has to do certain things.

the autistic girl i work with has a major meltdown every pe lesson but we make it there eventually fully changed in kit and take part in the lesson. something she was completely unable to do at her primary school only 6 months ago.Isn't this because she has someone allocated to her - i.e. you. Sounds great. The problem is this young lad doesn't have anyone allocated to him...

Could one argue that he is not being treated the same as everyone else already - as he appears to be 18 months older than the rest of this class?

skipsmum

copier_guy wrote: »

How times change.....

When i was at school (few years ago now) i was actively encouraged to wear track suit bottoms by the Head of PE.

I am slightly disabled and my lower legs are not pretty to look at.

His thinking was - "i was getting exercise and participating in PE"

Hope it works out for you

Thats exactly what DS's head of PE said! He felt DS would be physically and psychologically more comfortable in track pants. DS hates shorts because they don't keep the heat in and don't provide any protection.