school insisting my autistic DS wear shorts

jenhug

My daughter is ASD and in her school they are expected to wear leggings for dance and drama. Quite simply they have no chance. I wrote in a note and she wears tracksuit bottoms, they didn't mind. I think your school is being awkward for the sake of it. They are not autistic by choice.

Humphrey10

Gingham_R wrote: »

Autism is a spectrum.

Please re-read the last sentence of my post, you seem to have ignored it, as you are just repeating what it says.

Gingham_R

GlasweJen wrote: »

But surely the fact that the OPs child is mainstream educated points to him being on the "teachable" end of the spectrum?

I can't possibly speak for the OP or her son. What I do know is that 'teachable' doesn't mean 'must be taught to do stuff just because everyone else does it' or 'must be taught to do stuff exactly the same way as everyone else'.

You might as well scrap dyslexia teaching - let them just learn to read like everyone else.

Sometimes the issue is not that a child cannot do something but that the staff are expecting the wrong things of them. Most kids with special needs go home from school absolutely knackered. Wouldn't it be nice if they could come home feeling good about themselves and positive about the things they've achieved?

And if wearing shorts is a goal the teachers feel is worth this child's blood sweat and tears (for HIS sake, not just because it's a 'rule') then helping him learn how to do it in HIS time might just be a more positive way to go about it.

Gingham_R

Humphrey10 wrote: »

Please re-read the last sentence of my post, you seem to have ignored it, as you are just repeating what it says.

No - I was agreeing with it.

Brighton_belle

My own experience of secondary school was unrelenting misery. And I don't have autism or any disorders. Those 5 years didn't teach me a single positive thing about adult life and it took me many years to recover from the debiltating low self esteem and fear and sense of failure they left me with.
This boy and his family have enough extra work to do to help him develope into his full potential. I can't see any value in this having to be one of those battles.

jackieb

concerned43 wrote: »

I understand it is for H&S reasons but what is the alternative? my DS would not do gym if he has to wear shorts.

as some of it is his embarressment over hairy legs - should I get him to shave?

My daughter has Aspergers. She hasn't taken PE for about 3 years due to her anxiety over it (she also has a bowel disorder). It was the school psychologist and her guidance teacher who asked her if she wanted to stop taking it. She said yes. She gets to go to a quiet room instead where she gets to do homework, or gets extra help with anything she needs.

jellyhead

continualdiamond wrote: »

Her example always stick in my mind, the rule was at her house you ate off red plates when you had dinner, but she knew that the rule was when you ate out it was allowed to be on any colour plate.

This was her way of making sense of everything, teaching herself 'rules' to get about her day.

My youngest does something similar about his obsession with spotty cutlery. We have 2 sets of cutlery at home and he was trying to explain to his elder brother why he gets so anxious if he is given anything that's plain rather than spotty at home, but doesn't make a fuss when he eats out, where they don't have spotty cutlery.

He also mutters to himself that it's okay if they give him an odd number of chips, for example, it doesn't matter - if we're out, don't ask for an even number. Just relax and think of the reward he will get for being calm (pudding).

He's being assessed at the moment but probably won't be diagnosed with autism, but he is an anxious child and what OP said about her son worrying about the shorts all the way to school reminded me of how my youngest is.

Sorry, this is no help really! Eldest is in high school and he hates shorts too. He says that since the start of high school he has been wearing joggers in PE both inside and out. As long as they have something that's proper PE kit in the correct colour/logo they don't get detention. He wore the PE shorts in primary though, because he was given no choice.

Have you spoken to the SENCO? I am wondering if there's a compromise that can be reached? Do they have to be a certain type of shorts? I'd be tempted to chop some joggers into long shorts and see if he can tolerate that?

jellyhead

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

What does he wear at home in the holidays when it's very hot? What about going swimming?

I know quite a few men who never wear shorts. A lot of my male friends from uni are autistic and they simply stay hot if they hate shorts, or wear long combat shorts which feel more like trousers anyway. They wear and eat what they like, because they can. Nobody has to wear shorts as an adult. Sports can be done in lightweight track pants, which are so thin that they're barely warmer than shorts (my eldest has them for the gym etc. because he has a 'thing' about shorts).

Eldest has recently agreed to wear swimshorts, but before he became aware of his body he wore the skin tight stretchy type of trunks. They don't touch your legs the same way that shorts do, you don't get that 'pulling' sensation around your knees.

t0rt0ise

jellyhead wrote: »

He also mutters to himself that it's okay if they give him an odd number of chips, for example, it doesn't matter - if we're out, don't ask for an even number. Just relax and think of the reward he will get for being calm (pudding).

I can't imagine anyone saying that's not Aspergerish. It's certainly not 'normal'.

jenhug

GlasweJen wrote: »

I keep imagining this kid as a grown man on his honeymoon unable to stick on a pair of shorts to walk along the beach with his new wife, or take a dip in a hot tub, or use a sauna or a steam room at a gym. No taking the kids swimming or playing in the uni 5 a sides team.

But yeah, sure, it's just shorts.

Why would he have to have a beach honeymoon? He might not like football, and you can wear tracksuit bottoms for a kickabout. My mum is petrified of water after almost drowning as a child. She has never been in a pool with me, doesn't make her a bad mum.

His life won't end because he won't wear shorts. One day, he may be able to put a pair on, but I bet he never will all the time the pressure is on him to do it.