Been looking at husbands internet history..

Lotus-eater

Bettybigboobs wrote: »

How do I look at cookies if the history has been deleted? Serious question by the way lol

You don't afaik

whatshouldido

adelight wrote: »

Op have you spoke to him yet?
I've read through the thread and communication is clearly a huge problem for you two. You need to have a good talk about this (and other things) but be very clear, do not assume he gets the gist of anything or leave any room for guessing, be brave and be very, very clear and calm.
Have you told him that you don't like being expected to initiate sex all the time? Without being aggressive or too emotional(lot of men seem to switch off if there are too many emotions flying around). Does he know that you're up for sex just as much as he is? Doesn't he realise that if you're both in the house and he wants sex he should try and initiate with you rather than the computer and you'll respond positively?

I read something at work about women being more hurt by emotional cheating, even things like flirty facebook messages. I mentioned it to my OH when I got home in a "what do you reckon?" kind of way and he actually got a bit upset as he thought I was trying to coax him into confessing something! I have to read all the naff womens mags for my job and I swear Cosmo, Company etc should be cited in many divorce cases! They can put so many ideas into your head you never even considered and make out like every road leads to cheating.

I havent seen him yet, hes back from work a bit later - i really need working up to these kind of discussions, hopefully after we've had a nice night in and i think being intimate breaks the ice on these kind of discussions.

We had the initiating sex chat a while back, and I did say that i didnt want to be the one always initiating as it makes me feel a bit undesirable, maybe we need to revisit that talk

Betty - hope I am not leading lamb to slaughter but you can in safari if you have deleted the history - the comp saves cookies from visited websites as jpegs, as far as 1 year back i think.. it doesnt save all activity i think, but a lot of it..

just FYI, on a mac: home disc>library>caches>com.apple.safari and then theres a folder with jpegs of the websites..

ps thanks girls (i think?) who posted those hot pant pics, will def pick one up this weekend! assuming all goes well with our chat!

whatshouldido

make_me_wise wrote: »

Oh I have just noticed you mention you were married to each other before. So this isn't your first year of living together then. In which case a good relationship shouldn't be as hard to be a part of as you are describing here.

Of course every relationship needs working at but there are limits. I do not know you, or your husband, so this may not apply in your case. I know full well though that if I were describing my relationship as you do yours to my friends or family they may well tell me I was flogging a dead horse.

MMW we werent living together when we got married the first time, so this is a first for us. Our relationship isnt the best but when its good its amazing! We had more bad than good in the first 6 months but fingers crossed I can really see changes in both of us, but it is sometimes 2 steps forward 1 step back - its this issue thats causing me some concern at the moment..

Errata

We had the initiating sex chat a while back, and I did say that i didnt want to be the one always initiating as it makes me feel a bit undesirable, maybe we need to revisit that talk

You certainly do, being expected to fire the starting gun every time would be enough to give me the female version of brewer's droop. I'd also be wondering what was going on if my OH expected to lie back like some blooming sultan in a harem and it would also make me feel he saw me as some kind of convenience.

muddyl

Not read all 6 pages as i'm on my phone, but thought i'd put my say in.

I'd say all men look at !!!!!!, and as long as its not the nasty stuff its ok. Some turn to interactive stuff, but i'd say most dont. I've never bothered myself.

If you knew he did before, and did together, ask why he feels the need to do it in secret. Would he watch it with you? (If you were willing) most would find that more of a thrill. Then at least you know what he's doing.

With the interactive stuff, are you sure its not been because of pop up windows? They often come up when looking at other stuff (just from what i've been told of course ;-)). It may be innocent. It may be he would like you to do things but cant ask. Sometimes when you love some one loads you cant ask as you feel like you would be defiling them.

If i've repeated what's already been said I apologies, but thats my view on it.

What's worse- looking at a little !!!!!!, or spending every weekend train spotting? lol.

victory

Bettybigboobs wrote: »

How do I look at cookies if the history has been deleted? Serious question by the way lol

Don't you google and you see them in the cache?;)

stayingupright

I don't think the problem is !!!!!!, and I think most women accept men watch it, and I, and other women too, enjoy it as well.

I really, really wouldn't accept the interactive stuff, if he's willing to have any kind of sexual interaction with another, then it's cheating - no one can really deny that... if OP was to walk in the room when he's asking a random woman to 'do things' and wouldn't want him to see it, then it's cheating.

The problem with hiding things is it fosters lies, secrecy & distrust.

I really am astonished at how many think that it's fine to have cybersex, and it not to be cheating - unlike !!!!!! (which is *just* watching), it is actually engaging with another, for means of sexual gratification, and is not part of a monogamous marriage.

As for asking the women to do things he doesn't want the OP to do, in case it "defiles" her... well, I would have a problem with a man who thinks like that - the woman on the other side of the screen is *still* a person, a REAL woman, someone's daughter, sister... not an object for a randy man's gratification.

I would worry that he will get fed up with cybersex, and then want to find a real life woman to watch in the flesh, as I truly believe once that boundary has been crossed, it's easier to cross another.

I do agree with the OP wearing hot pants if it will spice up her sex life - however - it seems that all this is based on pleasing the DH.. NO ONE has asked how the DH should be pleasing her man... most are suggesting excusing the DH for his getting his sexual desires met by random women on the internet - when if fact the DH has a real life wife, who would LIKE to have sex with her husband... some are even suggesting that the OP try to understand it if her DH has desires that he feels unable to express to his DW...

Even if it were true, that he wants to do things that his DW doesn't want to do, then he should get over it, and find something that they find 'mutually' enjoyable... if he gives in to his desire for certain sexual acts, that his wife doesn't want, then they will both find it difficult to reach a middle ground.

Sex is a healthy part of any relationship, and when a man turns to !!!!!!, cybersex or whatever, *instead* of trying to work it out with his wife, then the marriage is dead in the water.

Sex is also supposed to be a way of showing love to your partner... I'd worry that a man who'd rather get his rocks off, telling random women what to do, is not really in love with his wife

Lotus-eater

stayingupright wrote: »

Sex is a healthy part of any relationship, and when a man turns to !!!!!!, cybersex or whatever, *instead* of trying to work it out with his wife, then the marriage is dead in the water.

Sex is also supposed to be a way of showing love to your partner... I'd worry that a man who'd rather get his rocks off, telling random women what to do, is not really in love with his wife

I don't think it's fair to say that the marriage is dead in the water, just that it needs a little work.

Maybe the OH got a bit hooked on internet women when he was single and finds it difficult to let go, it can be very addictive, or he could have formed a need to do it, while he's been doing it so often.

Obviously the OP should know him quite well, but I don't think she knows his sexual habits and needs very well....... and not him, her either.

Tbh, we don't really know what he's been doing, it may be nothing more than a little titillation and not talking to real women at all.

rev_henry

Just read through the whole thread. Probably quite obvious really but what is acceptable in one couple's relationship may not be in anothers'; I'm talking about the !!!!!! here - whether its 'allowed' or not, and tbh I'd think either way is acceptable but it is something that you have to talk to each other about and agree on!

OP I think you mentioned something like a sex 'dating' site, was it 'be naughty' or 'adultfriendfinder' by any chance? I use bittorrent sites a lot, in particular isohunt, and those 2 (actually I think one is a new name for the other or something like that) often pop up, when I'm not looking at !!!!!! or anything, just downloading, er, non copyrighted things. Thus unlike livejasmine it actually comes up when you're looking at nothing remotely sexual.

I agree with most though that any interactive type thing isn't ok. Talking of which did anyone see that programme on BBC 3 about cyber sex?

Gloomendoom

rev_henry wrote: »

OP I think you mentioned something like a sex 'dating' site, was it 'be naughty' or 'adultfriendfinder' by any chance? I use bittorrent sites a lot, in particular isohunt, and those 2 (actually I think one is a new name for the other or something like that) often pop up, when I'm not looking at !!!!!! or anything, just downloading,?

Yup. Just tried it and sure enough, I''ve now got three sex related records in my history...

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