Been looking at husbands internet history..

whatshouldido

pearl123 wrote: »

Something doesn't sound right. If you have a very hight sex drive surely you don't ignore you partner for weeks on end if she does not initiate sex?

Does he just prefer !!!!!! or is he in a round about way punishing you OP by not giving you sex because you don't initiate it in first place?

As other have said you definatly need a long conversation with your partner. There's nothing wrong with !!!!!! as long as you can still have a loving sexual relationship. Seems it not working for you.

I think the punishing thing is maybe part of it! I guess we all try and mould our other half by withholding etc, and i think that might be part of the issue. The other thing is prob being bored of normal sex and also that he has suffered from ED on occasion. Still, withholding sex is pretty destructive

Lotus eater - and everyone else - you are right! A talk is the only way out of it, and yes euronorris I think I won't mention that Ive seen his history as it could lead to an unrelated conflict when this is the bigger issue.

I need to find a way to tell him that normal !!!!!! is ok but video chat is DEF not without him realising Ive checked out his computer.

On the downside Ive just spoken to his SIL about this and apparently his brother does the same stuff, live sex cam etc, and her advice? Live with it, as she does.. :(:(

Seanymph

surely though (to return to the point a bit) there is a difference between !!!!!! and non contact prostitution. Which is what this guy does.

This chap, newly married, who apparently has a high sex drive but won't initiate sex with his wife......... he's not looking at !!!!!!, which in a healthy relationship would then create an appetite he could satisfy with his wife. He is partaking of non contact prostitution in chat rooms........... which satisfies him there and then.

Totally different surely?

euronorris

During your discussion of likes and dislikes, you can talk about !!!!!! and it's place in your sex life. ie, OH and I enjoy watching it together now and again, and sometimes he watches alone (usually when I am ill, or completely knackered. And from there, you can say that you don't like those live sex cams you've seen on TV and ask him if he does.

I'd be tempted not to condemn him for past use of those, if he didn't know you consider them cheating due to the interaction part. As you can see from this thread, some guys don't view it as cheating, and if you've never told him you do, he can't be expected to respect that. So, if he tells you he does use them, explain how you feel and ask him not to use them in future. And if he says he doesn't use them, you can just say 'oh good, cos I would consider that cheating due to the interaction.'.

BitterAndTwisted

whatshouldido wrote: »

B&T - I put off buying hot pants as I told him, til I lost a bit of weight. Ive always been slim and have put on a few kg in the last few months, so that is making me feel too unsexy to be cavorting around in hot pants!

GET THE BLOODY HOT PANTS! What could it matter, really, that you're not in perfect condition? It couldn't hurt to buy some and only fit into them for a fortnight. You just buy another, smaller pair in a couple of weeks.

If we all waited until we were our perfect weight, all slim, toned and gorgeous most of us would never have sex at all. Ever. And you know that's not true. Men don't notice a couple of pounds usually. Not on the woman they love. Some prefer us about two dress sizes bigger than what we think is our perfect weight

Get the ruddy hot pants.

aggypanthus

what ages are you both? i ask as posters may asume you are both young, being newly marrried?

BUT i am wondering if your husband has been in serious relationships before, and how that worked out?

Errata

Won't have sex unless you initiate it? Isn't that a form of witholding sex on his part? As you say, pretty destructive.

whatshouldido

aggy - we're both early 30s, so not that young! We've been in a relationship, on-off for 5 years, and he's never been in a serious relationship before me. And actually, we were married before, 5 years ago, but divorced after 6 months - never a dull moment with this marriage! :S But despite the fireworks (not the ones in bed, lol) we both knew we only wanted to be with each other - doesnt mean we're the most compatible of people, but there you have it!

B&T - I think hot pants need to be on the menu pretty soon dont they? lol

Seanymph - I agree with you, clearly he doesnt yet. I just hope that when I explain how I feel to him, he actually listens and understands and doesnt just give me lipservice. Surely !!!!!! + regular sex should be enough to keep any man satisfied!

BitterAndTwisted

Initiating sex doesn't have to mean trying to get him interested when you're already between the sheets. Lots of couples work out a secret code. An item of clothing, a look, a touch, a special perfume you only wear when you'd like attention from your partner. Just taking that flacon out of your bag when you're out with other people can get things really revved up. This might be a more satisfactory and indirect way of signifying what you'd like.

In return you could have a chat about what he'd like. I suspect the role-play may not have worked just because it wasn't the right kind, not that it's totally useless to get you where you both want.

BitterAndTwisted

whatshouldido wrote: »

B&T - I think hot pants need to be on the menu pretty soon dont they? lol

Not pretty soon. Now. Today.

How about this: "Darling I've been online this afternoon and I've ordered something for us both which I think you might like" You could be having some nice sex this evening.

daisiegg

whatshouldido wrote: »

I need to find a way to tell him that normal !!!!!! is ok but video chat is DEF not without him realising Ive checked out his computer.

On the downside Ive just spoken to his SIL about this and apparently his brother does the same stuff, live sex cam etc, and her advice? Live with it, as she does.. :(:(

Could you use this as a way in to discussing the !!!!!! issue without him realising you've looked at his internet? Don't have to mention SIL - could say a female friend was really upset that her partner was looking at !!!!!!, you think that's ok but that the interactive sites are a step too far, what does he think?

Although to be honest, he has done something wrong by hiding his sex chats from you and YOU have done something wrong by looking at his internet history (and digging pretty deep it seems by your mention of delving into cookies, etc) and now you want to hide the fact that you've done that. Would it not be better for you both to have to be very frank and honest?