On kids sending Thank You letters

victory

When my kids were younger I used to write them on their behalf and they would just add a splodge or something if they could manage it now we have a pack of thank you cards they know automatically if they recieve a gift, that a person has been kind enough to think about them, spend their money on them, post it or give it to them the least they deserve is a hand written thank you card and they always do that.

Never have my kids got anything without writing a thank you card, it is always well recieved and appreciated and that is the way it should be:D

Mojisola

milliemonster wrote: »

Giving a present should be all about your thought for that person and imo you shouldn't be expecting anything in return, I have a real issue with people giving presents and then expecting something back, even if that's just a thank you, I know I know you can see it as rude if people don't say thanks in some way, but i can't believe for a minute anyone who opens a present from someone is not grateful and it doesn't put a smile on their face even though you're not there to see it.

If you are grateful for a gift, why wouldn't you want to say thank you to the person who gave it to you?

Not even acknowledging that a gift arrived safely, let alone not saying thank you, is incredibly rude. How much effort does it take to pick up a phone or to text or email someone with a short message?

The only plus side is that we can filter out the people who don't really appreciate our gifts and we don't need to buy them things in the future.

victory

I agree the absolute minimum you would expect is a thank you and the knowledge that it has arrived safely, if you can't say thank you then next year you don't get;)

gingin_2

All my nieces and nephews live in Australia and New Zealand. I hear nothing from my brother and his wife, despite making sure there is a package all wrapped up at the beginning of december to get there in time. It hurts a lot because we don't see them face to face, I send because I think it's important to let them know they are important to us and we are still thinking of them, despite us being so far away. Just an email to confirm it got there would be nice - but nothing. I will continue to send out of stubbourness because it's not the children's fault that the parents haven't taught them good manners and maybe when they are older they might remember. We get a card from them but no presents and that is not a problem at all.

My sister in law on the other hand is brilliant. Every birthday and christmas is remembered and we both diligently do our best to get parcels to New Zealand and email thanks and include lots of lovely pictures and drawings from the children.

We write thank you cards to people in the UK if we haven't opened the gifts face to face. My children receive christmas and easter gifts from a lady my mother knows. We have met her once and she doesn't have grandchildren/ nieces/ nephews, so I think she just likes buying and we go over the top with a hand made picture and note to say thank you because it really is so sweet and I know she is chuffed by it. I also had a neighbour who would leve christmas and easter presents for the children on our doorstep, we barely saw her, she managed to rub most of the street up the wrong way ( we actually got on well with her when we saw her) but we would always put a hand made card through the door and then when I did see her she told me how much she loved them and that she kept them all on her dressing table - hardly the battle axe image that most of the street had formed of her!

skylight

I get a bit miffed at the one-sidedness in my family over ty letters.

My kids have always written the Christmas ones the weekend before they go back to school (normally over New Year). However, I get "complaints" every year within 4 days of Christmas as to why the kids haven't said thank you yet. 10 years this has been going on for! Mainly my Nan, with my Mum chasing the letters - regardless of whether the kids have thanked them already on the phone or not. My brother is never chased though. Nor are my cousins; its just me and mine!

And my kids are expected to write their ty letters, but they never get one back about the gifts they have sent/made. So why do kids have to do it but adults don't? Especially from the demanding adults? They will not be stopping writing them though.

Mine also (usually) write thank yous for partys they have been to through out the year, but not birthdays as they have never had a party yet!

The exception to the rule is the teenager. Who can't be bothered to do anything in this house and has been told not to expect any gifts next year if she can't be bothered to say thank you to anyone. She couldn't even be bothered to send a text or email, even a facebook comment to her relatives would have sufficed!

onlyroz

skylight wrote: »

However, I get "complaints" every year within 4 days of Christmas as to why the kids haven't said thank you yet.

I think asking for thanks is even worse than not giving the thanks in the first place. Nobody should feel obligated to give a gift and nobody should feel obligated to be grateful.

A gift should be given without any expectation of something in return, but if a gift is received without any sign of appreciation then the giver should not feel any continued obligation to carry on giving.

Mojisola

skylight wrote: »

And my kids are expected to write their ty letters, but they never get one back about the gifts they have sent/made. So why do kids have to do it but adults don't? Especially from the demanding adults?

Thats's very hypocritical of the adults concerned. Perhaps next year, the children should ask in their letters - did you like the present we bought you?

euronorris

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Am I being old fashioned in expecting a written thank you from the children themselves, even if its just an email? Or even some acknowledgment from the parents that the gift arrived safely at least?

Personally, I always call or text to say thank you. I don't do thank you notes, and I won't expect my kids to do so either. I'll expect them to do as I do now.

I prefer the calls because, I feel, it is more personal than a letter/card. And it's easier and quicker, and less likely to be forgotten if done on the day of receipt.

As your brother seems to be a bit hit and miss with acknowledging receipt even, perhaps he is just forgetful?

claire16c

I do thank you notes to certain people, other people like my friends Id just call or text, depends on the relationship with each person.

If I have kids, they will be writing thank you letters to appropriate people, i.e ones that dont live near us or dont see regularly.

The children I look after at the moment, are both asked to write a small note or card to people who gave them xmas or birthday presents. They are also always receiving notes off other kids for presents theyve been given from them (well their parents really!), and some children at their school are also very cute and even write notes to each other thanking other children for coming to their parties or houses.

My BILs kids never send thank you notes, but he has now over the years realised that its rude to not even acknowledge receipt of gifts we had posted, as DH had to keep calling him every year/birthday to check they hadnt got lost in the post so I think he got the message. So now he always calls and the kids come on the phone and say thanks, which is fine, and cute to hear the 2 year old babbling away!

euronorris

Treed wrote: »

Manners dont cost a thing.

That's not always true.

Thank you notes DO cost money. Money for the cards, envelopes and postage. And when you have a large family, the thank you card sending could easily reach 10-15 quid. I don't really deem it much of a gift, if you're expected to spend that much money in saying thank you. Kinda defeats the purpose of giving a gift IMO.

A phone call, I feel, is more than sufficient (which can often be free thanks to 'free minutes') or a webcam call (in my case).