On kids sending Thank You letters

Mojisola

euronorris wrote: »

Personally, I always call or text to say thank you. I don't do thank you notes, and I won't expect my kids to do so either. I'll expect them to do as I do now.

When I'm buying presents, I try to buy something that suits the receiver and the same applies to thanking people.

An older relative who would really appreciate having a pretty card gets a card. A friend might prefer a phone call - thanks and a chat. Younger relatives happy with a text or email can be thanked that way.

melancholly

euronorris wrote: »

A phone call, I feel, is more than sufficient (which can often be free thanks to 'free minutes') or a webcam call (in my case).

i agree with that completely - but the OP isn't even getting that..... i do prefer to send cards depending on who the person actually is though - some people would find a card 'better' and others i don't always have the energy to talk to on the phone for an hour (which it would end up being!).... not exactly selfless motivations! but i say thank you in some way. i find it rude when presents aren't acknowledged at all.

euronorris

Mojisola wrote: »

When I'm buying presents, I try to buy something that suits the receiver and the same applies to thanking people.

An older relative who would really appreciate having a pretty card gets a card. A friend might prefer a phone call - thanks and a chat. Younger relatives happy with a text or email can be thanked that way.

Fair enough, but I don't have any elderly relatives sending me cards or presents anymore. The oldest ones are my and his folks, who much prefer the webcam call, or a phone call.

I also feel that there shouldn't be any obligation on the receiver to thank someone in a specific way. It is nice to do, of course, but I don't think anyone has a right to bemoan the fact they were thanked over the phone, rather than in a card. It's the thank you itself that matters (or at least it should be, IMO).

euronorris

melancholly wrote: »

i agree with that completely - but the OP isn't even getting that..... i do prefer to send cards depending on who the person actually is though - some people would find a card 'better' and others i don't always have the energy to talk to on the phone for an hour (which it would end up being!).... not exactly selfless motivations! but i say thank you in some way. i find it rude when presents aren't acknowledged at all.

I agree. It is rude not to even acknowledge it's arrival, let alone say thank you.

But, I get the impression there are other issues between the OP and her brother. Perhaps he feels, because of this, less obligation to send gifts, or acknowledge and thank them for gifts received? I don't know.

Maybe he just doesn't care if he gets thanked or not, so doesn't see it as a big deal? I have no idea. Only he does.

GracieP

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Hmmmm....

I agree with kids birthday parties it can get overwhelming but in our house it goes like this:

- presents are kept to one side until after the party is over or after we get home from the venue
- presents are opened in peace & quiet and in a calm & controlled way, all the more to appreciate each gift and take time over it rather than rushing onto the next one
- one person in the family is allocated the task of making a list of who gave what (same happens Xmas day but usually the task is rotated during the course of the day)
- we then have a neat record from which to write TY letters/notes

Gigglepig - no I haven't brought this up with my brother cos he'll get the hump (as I said, that's a whole other thread :cool:)

Just to offer a different perspective here, but if I had gone to the trouble of going to a child's birthday party in order to give them a present and I didn't get to see them opening the present and their (hoped for) enjoyment from the gift, I'd be utterly gutted. The look on their faces when they see their gift would mean an infinite amount more than a thank you letter sent at a later point.

I'm afraid I'd actually see the removal of a gift to be taken away and opened later as a little bit rude and a thank you gift as a perfunctory consolation. I understand the point about wanting to control the excitement of gift giving but think that a time can be carved out during the party for gift giving. For example, we used to have massive extended family parties every Christmas night when I was a child and each child would get many gifts, so tradition was to exchange gifts when people were going home. That way the excitement was controlled but the gift giver got to actually experience giving the gift, which is the very best part of gift giving.

gingin_2

GracieP wrote: »

Just to offer a different perspective here, but if I had gone to the trouble of going to a child's birthday party in order to give them a present and I didn't get to see them opening the present and their (hoped for) enjoyment from the gift, I'd be utterly gutted. The look on their faces when they see their gift would mean an infinite amount more than a thank you letter sent at a later point.

I couldn't agree with this more- although I know you are coming from the grown up stance. I only do parties for my daughter now, we have one next week, and the girls are always itching to see the birthday child open up the gift they have chosen for them and it wouldn't be fair to take all of the presents away to be opened later. It's an integral part of our party to get our daughter to sit on the floor and open each gift and thank the child. In the background I am quietly making a note of who gave what, so I can also thank the parent when I see them.

Mojisola

euronorris wrote: »

Fair enough, but I don't have any elderly relatives sending me cards or presents anymore. The oldest ones are my and his folks, who much prefer the webcam call, or a phone call.

I also feel that there shouldn't be any obligation on the receiver to thank someone in a specific way. It is nice to do, of course, but I don't think anyone has a right to bemoan the fact they were thanked over the phone, rather than in a card. It's the thank you itself that matters (or at least it should be, IMO).

I agree with this - it's the thanks that's important. Although I might not be happy to get a one word "Thx" text and nothing more as some youngsters might do!

euronorris

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree with this - it's the thanks that's important. Although I might not be happy to get a one word "Thx" text and nothing more as some youngsters might do!

Ahhh, text speak! I hate it!

I'm a bit of stickler for that, so if I get messages with text speak I send a reply along the lines of 'Sorry, what does 'thx' mean? (Or, 'I haven't got a clue what that means') You're going to have to use full words for me, cos I am sooo not cool enough to understand! xx'.

Usually works, and I find I always tend to get better text messages after that. Feign ignorance! :rotfl:

vasseur

We always send thank you letters unless we have personally received the present and thanked at the time.

We have a number of friends who text thanks so I text back and cross them off the written list (in the case of xmas presents).

My dd went to a joint birthday party (2 different families) 2 weeks ago and we still haven't had a thank you - not even a text (which I would expect anyway) from either.

I know it shouldn't annoy me, because that's how things seem to be these days, but it still does.

jjblondie

I was always forced into writing thank yous for presents as a child and didn't really see the point. Now I am 20 and have lived away for 3 years, I always write thank you cards for anything, usually handmade ones. I now understand how much pretty much anyone enjoys receiving post that isn't a bill and I like to create joy in return for their kind thoughts. Yes, making a card and posting it cost almost as much as one elderly distant relative gave me at Christmas (2 pounds), and more than the present from another relative, but I find it not only good manners, but also a form of spreading joy. It did indeed take a good few hours making 20 cards for Christmas thanks (plus birthday 20, plus miscellaneous thanks throughout the year for various things) and a bit of cash posting them, but I think it's money well spent.

My Nan still gives me pocket money as I'm still a student, though I don't think she should, so I use it to send her two postcards a week. That way she sees it being put to good use (and she can share my news with anyone and everyone who comes through the door ).