On kids sending Thank You letters

churchrat

We never sent thankyou letters as children and so it is not a habit that I have passed on to my children. I was never taught to do this because I come from a gypsy background. My grandparents were English Romany and were illiterate and so writing anything was a new habit for my parents generation. We always thought we were very polite, and always thanked people in person for a gift. To be honest it has not occurred to me that some people may be upset that they have not received a written thakyou for a present. Nobody has ever said anything to my face and now I wonder if they talked about it behind my back!!!

All families do different things and we should not think other people are being rude just because they do no act in the same way as ourselves.

Mojisola

churchrat wrote: »

We always thought we were very polite, and always thanked people in person for a gift. To be honest it has not occurred to me that some people may be upset that they have not received a written thakyou for a present.

I wouldn't expect a letter if I had been thanked face to face!

A letter is only if the present was sent or handed on by someone else. Some of the older family members do get a letter or card but that's because they don't get out much and I know the letter is brought out to be read several times and shown to visitors.

suki1001

I absolutely hate thank you letters with a passion. As a child I was forced to write them, so I almost feel the intent when I recieve them, is that they've been done under protest, because that's the way I felt about writing them, of course I always appreciated the gift. There is only the odd occasion when someone has sent one and I've appreciated it, like when I sent my cousin a gift when she was ill. I always make sure my children say thanks on the phone, but it's the sentiment letters are written with. When thank you letters become a chore, the sentiment isn't there. I totally agree a thank you by phone or an acknowledgement is important, which is why I usually get my children to thank people by phone.

Thank you letters were written in a day when they were often the only forms of communication and when people didn't receive lots of presents at once. Then I'm sure the thank you letters were heart felt.

I think there's nothing worse than a production line of letters that have been written, as if it's another task ticked off the list. I don't expect them, but I dread them when I get the ones from birthday parties, because I never feel like they're genuine. How often have I heard "oh, I better get the thank you letters done". Then there's what do you do with them once you've got them. Unless it's very a personal or a heartfelt thanks, which is what I think letters are for, they're going to end up in the recycling.

I once received a thank you letter for a wedding gift I didn't give. This only reaffirmed my opinion of thank you letters. Although I think people do appreciate gifts, they have busy lives and the letter is the product of the list of tasks rather than an actual expression of what they thought of the gift. I would never expect thanks for a gift and would rather people didn't if they are busy or have a lot on.

beth.stephenson2009

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

I know this has been posted about before but I wonder how far we have all moved on?

My kids (one 10 year old, one teenager) have always been taught from a very young age to write thank you letters after birthdays and at Christmas. Even when they were babies we would write the letters for them and get them to make a mark. Even if the gift is a "token" one, they still write to say thank you.

Most members of my family who have kids do the same.

Then there's my brother. He has 2 kids, roughly the same age as ours. He has a very well paid job, she doesn't work. They live in another town and we don't see that much of them so the pressies usually get posted. Their kids always get birthday & Xmas pressies from us, mine... well, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't (but that's another story). My kids always write TY letters. Theirs never do. There have been ocassions when I have to say to them some time after the event "Oh, did so-and-so get his/her birthday present that I posted?" and the answer is always "On yes thanks, he/she loved it".

Am I being old fashioned in expecting a written thank you from the children themselves, even if its just an email? Or even some acknowledgment from the parents that the gift arrived safely at least?

With regards to the thank you letters: people parent in different ways. We never sent thankyou letters for christmas and birthday presents, but we were taught manners and we said thank you next time we saw that person.

Maybe your brother doesn't have as much money as it seems. Personally, i would buy presents for my own children and wife before my nieces/nephews.

If he was buying them thousands of £s worth of laptop, and was driving round in thousands worth of car, id be a bit annoyed.

But if not: I don't see the big deal. I never got presents off one set of aunt/uncle untill about 2 years ago when they divorced- and now I get something off my aunt.

If he is, I would talk to him about it. I bet he would be annoyed if you didn't buy anything from his children.

Deep_In_Debt

fannyanna wrote: »

Rather annoyingly I just typed up a response and then lost internet connection. Ah well, it went something like this......

It is annoying but there's not that much you can do about it.

My brother does the same. I send presents to my nephews who live in the US. They don't even get acknowledged. Half the time I don't even know whether they were delivered or lost in the post let alone whether they were thankful for the present

I have the same thing so I email my nephews to ask if they have received them and the response I usually get is..."yeah, received them thanks..." and that's it.

bacardi66

As a child I was brought up to send thank you letters for presents that I didn't open in front of the person who gave them to me.

Most of my friends/family do get their kids to write/draw thank you cards to me which are always greatly appreciated. As the kids get older a facebook or text thank you is more than acceptable.

If I am with the child when they open their present and they thank me in person that is also fine with me. What I've found really rude in the past is when I've sent expensive presents to godchildren I don't often see and have had no acknowledgement at all, from the child or the parent to the point where I don't even know if they have received them. It makes me feel like not bothering.

Even as an adult I always thank my friends and family for presents, either in person or by text or email.

zcrat41

I have to say I'm amazed that people think facebook is an acceptable way of thanking for a gift!

What's going to happen when we're all old and getting FB thanks from our grandkids?! I don't want that, I want a proper handwritten letter. In order to do that I need to instill that practice in my future kids and maintain it!

Mojisola

zcrat41 wrote: »

I have to say I'm amazed that people think facebook is an acceptable way of thanking for a gift!

What's going to happen when we're all old and getting FB thanks from our grandkids?! I don't want that, I want a proper handwritten letter. In order to do that I need to instill that practice in my future kids and maintain it!

I think you may be fighting against the tide! We don't write in copperplate handwriting with quill pens any more and I don't see why the new generation shouldn't use whatever is normal for them.

zcrat41

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you may be fighting against the tide! We don't write in copperplate handwriting with quill pens any more and I don't see why the new generation shouldn't use whatever is normal for them.

I'll probably be known as grumpy granny that gives better presents the longer the letter!

tenmah

When someone gives you a present, and you say thank you - you are saying thank you for A present. Once it is open then I think it is nice to say thank you for THE present. Usually people have gone to the trouble to get a gift that means something to the recipient, such as if they collect a certain thing or play with a certain toy, so it deserves a special thank you, as the person has been so thoughtful.

I stopped buying for some family members when I didn't receive any thank you at all, verbally or written. Why would I go to the trouble of finding something specific for them and then not have any acknowledgment at all.