On kids sending Thank You letters

Hezzawithkids

I know this has been posted about before but I wonder how far we have all moved on?

My kids (one 10 year old, one teenager) have always been taught from a very young age to write thank you letters after birthdays and at Christmas. Even when they were babies we would write the letters for them and get them to make a mark. Even if the gift is a "token" one, they still write to say thank you.

Most members of my family who have kids do the same.

Then there's my brother. He has 2 kids, roughly the same age as ours. He has a very well paid job, she doesn't work. They live in another town and we don't see that much of them so the pressies usually get posted. Their kids always get birthday & Xmas pressies from us, mine... well, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't (but that's another story). My kids always write TY letters. Theirs never do. There have been ocassions when I have to say to them some time after the event "Oh, did so-and-so get his/her birthday present that I posted?" and the answer is always "On yes thanks, he/she loved it".

Am I being old fashioned in expecting a written thank you from the children themselves, even if its just an email? Or even some acknowledgment from the parents that the gift arrived safely at least?

Gigglepig

Some people send thank you notes, others don't.
Some people call and say thanks, others don't.

I know more women than men who do the family presents, cards etc... but you are related to your brother not SIL so if there are no thanks I'd be a bit annoyed with him, not her.

If you find it annoying, have you mentioned it to your brother?

teasleym

I just posted in the birthday present thread about this. My 2 daughters always write thank you letters/cards, and I find that most people really appreciate them. I think it shows that they appreciate the time and thought taken by others to choose them a birthday/christmas present. Even my 32year old sisters send them out - got mine with christmas photo's on!

My eldest (5) has been to several parties with school friends and luckily her close friends parents have similar views to us and they send thank you cards too.

My brother used to be useless at writing thank you letters as a child/teenager and my dad thinks this is why he hasn't instilled the writing of cards onto his 2 girls. (Don't get me started on SIL - that would be a completely different thread!). As such we have never had thank you cards from his 2 girls even when getting them quite expensive presents.

My relatives have commented on this. My uncle and aunt don't even know if they have received their gifts or whether they liked them at all. My poor elderly step nan loves receiving letters/cards updating her (she's in a home now and its hard to visit), so she loves receiving a nice card from us and our daughter.

This Christmas/birthday, my eldest daughter handmade/coloured her cards, and as she is learning to write wrote some of the bits of the thank you cards herself. I have had comments from relatives and friends on how touched they were by her cards.

So I don't think you are old fashioned, it is only polite to say thank you for gifts if people have made the effort to go out and choose something for you. Also, the pleasure people get from receiving the thank you cards themselves is worth sending them!

fannyanna

Rather annoyingly I just typed up a response and then lost internet connection. Ah well, it went something like this......

It is annoying but there's not that much you can do about it.

My brother does the same. I send presents to my nephews who live in the US. They don't even get acknowledged. Half the time I don't even know whether they were delivered or lost in the post let alone whether they were thankful for the present

Any

I do have to say that Thank you letters can get very overwhelming..
Especially when you have a Bday party or something, you have to quickly write notes down who what how where...
It can become nightmare. I've seen my sister worry sick about not forgetting anyone, thank you everyone etc..
Why, if you are there when giving it? Surely they thank you there and you see their face and gratefulness?

I personally don't care much for thank you notes. But I know many do.

I try to thank person in person, or phone call.

fannyanna

Any wrote: »

I do have to say that Thank you letters can get very overwhelming..
Especially when you have a Bday party or something, you have to quickly write notes down who what how where...
It can become nightmare. I've seen my sister worry sick about not forgetting anyone, thank you everyone etc..
Why, if you are there when giving it? Surely they thank you there and you see their face and gratefulness?

I personally don't care much for thank you notes. But I know many do.

I try to thank person in person, or phone call.

I think you're right in the sense that you can say thank you in different ways. I think saying thank you is the most important thing and not the method in which it is done.

But I get the impression that OP doesn't get thanked at all - unless she brings the topic up and forces the brother to acknowledge the gifts.

Any

fannyanna wrote: »

I think you're right in the sense that you can say thank you in different ways. I think saying thank you is the most important thing and not the method in which it is done.

But I get the impression that OP doesn't get thanked at all - unless she brings the topic up and forces the brother to acknowledge the gifts.

Yes, I know what you are saying...it depends.

But I do think that so many card based people out there are not taking less then a personalised note as a proper thank you.

Even if you were there.

shopaholic2

I had a mini rant yesterday on this very subject! My bil & sil live about 300 miles away, oh and I went out before Xmas and chose some presents for our nieces and a small token gift for bil and sil. We went down for the weekend and delivered said presents.
My 2 got a tenner each in the post from bil and sil, for which they were grateful, but it's hardly going out & choosing something, is it?
Anyway, my 2 sent a thank you card.....
We heard nothing.
So I sent sil a fb message asking if they liked their presents seeing as we hadn't heard anything!
Its just rude in my opinion. Even if they couldn't be arsed to send a card, they could send a fb message!!

POPPYOSCAR

I really appreciate it when I do get a thank you note,email, quick phone call, but I do not expect it.


I cannot see the need of a 'followup' thank you if they have been given the gift in person and thanked at the time.

balletshoes

We've never done thank-you letters, for either birthdays or christmas presents. I don't make my daughter do them either.
I also don't make my daughter purposely call a present giver to thank them, if we haven't seen them personally to speak to on/around her birthday/christmas then I'll usually call or text to say she's received the pressie/card and thanks for thinking of her.

Plans_all_plans

When our daughter was smaller, I'd write thank you letters on her behalf.

However, as she has got older (she's 4), I've just got her to ring everyone if she hasn't had a chance to see them in person when she's been given presents. She has 16 great aunts and uncles who all buy for her, a full complement of grandparents, 2 great grandparents still living and a number of second cousins and cousins who all buy for her, so if she wrote to them individually it'd be overwhelming.

What I would say though is that if I had relatives whose children specifically wrote to thank us for presents (none do) then I would make sure we reciprocated with notes of thanks.

I don't think it's old fashioned to like thank you letters/cards, but it can become totally impractical in big families.