On kids sending Thank You letters

lady1964

This is a real bugbear of mine too, good manners cost nothing and a 'thank you' is always appreciated however it's done.

My sister, brother & I were brought up to send thank you notes after our birthday/Xmas if we received a gift from someone we hadn't seen. My sister & I always got our kids to do the same, now it's a text or phone call. My brother however doesn't even acknowledge receipt of the gift - we have to either post his or last Xmas, my mum was seeing him so she passed them on to him. No acknowledgment or a 'thank you' call or text from his kids, who are 10, 8 & 6, so old enough to send a text and he has my number, They have phoned in the past to say thanks but it hasn't happened latterly. I didn't sent gifts for their birthdays last year following several years of my kids not getting anything, not even a card, but did feel guilty at Xmas so did send. We got a card from his kids but nothing for my kids, no card or gift or a phone call.

So, I did a thread on here, got some interesting comments and have kind of decided that's it, I'm not doing it anymore. It's a tad more difficult as instead of living 60 miles from him, we're now about 3,500 miles so not easy to get things sent without asking someone else to do it & then us doing a bank transfer to pay them. Had he gone to some sort of effort I might be more inclined to do the same...................

onlyroz

I think that a "thank you" should be done in some form - either in person, or by phone, or letter, email etc. However, we have got used to certain younger relatives in the family not acknowledging a present at all - and this merely results in their presents getting smaller and smaller as the years go by.

I usually send a token gift to my friend's little daughter, and I always get a lovely letter written back in acknowledgement.

Mojisola

onlyroz wrote: »

I think that a "thank you" should be done in some form - either in person, or by phone, or letter, email etc. However, we have got used to certain younger relatives in the family not acknowledging a present at all - and this merely results in their presents getting smaller and smaller as the years go by.

This is the important bit for me. It doesn't matter how the thank you is said, as long as it is.

While presents aren't given just to get a thank you back, anyone who doesn't appreciate the time, effort and money involved obviously doesn't need the present!

Hezzawithkids

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the important bit for me. It doesn't matter how the thank you is said, as long as it is.

While presents aren't given just to get a thank you back, anyone who doesn't appreciate the time, effort and money involved obviously doesn't need the present!

That's kind of where I'm heading with my brother's kids. He was brought up, like me, to always send TY notes after Xmas & birthdays but his OH wasn't and they live a very self-absorbed life. I'm close to the point where I won't bother with them any more and only bring a gift if we're going to see them on birthdays etc, which makes me sad.

mildred1978

My son is only 18 months old but he's sent thank you cards (with an appropriate photo or 2) for every gift he's been given. He scribbles on one side of the card and I write the other. This isn't something that will be optional as he grows older (and I won't be writing them for him when he's older either!!)

There aren't many children we get presents for, but it's not often we get a thank you note. The last one was a typed slip of paper with a badly pixelated photo on it!!

milliemonster

I think any acknowledgement of the thoughtfulness of a gift should be acceptable whether that is a thanks in person at the time, a text, phone call letter or whatever, my kids have never sent thank you letters to anyone, but they either say thanks in person, send a fb message, call or text to those they haven't seen, I think that's pure manners, but i think it's a bit much if you expect someone else to reciprocate what you do just because you see sending a handwritten thank you as so important?

Giving a present should be all about your thought for that person and imo you shouldn't be expecting anything in return, I have a real issue with people giving presents and then expecting something back, even if that's just a thank you, I know I know you can see it as rude if people don't say thanks in some way, but i can't believe for a minute anyone who opens a present from someone is not grateful and it doesn't put a smile on their face even though you're not there to see it.

there are much worse things going on in this life that should bother and upset you than this personally.

Lotus-eater

I have to admit that I was brought up properly and always wrote TY letters, but I've never bothered with my kids. But I suppose that they don't get presents from people they never see, if they get presents from their family who live overseas, then they thank them over the phone, or the next time they see them.

I think it's a nice, but outdated way of doing things.

Hezzawithkids

milliemonster wrote: »

anyone who opens a present from someone is not grateful and it doesn't put a smile on their face even though you're not there to see it.

there are much worse things going on in this life that should bother and upset you than this personally.

Then you should have been there when my niece opened a birthday present containing a Gap t-shirt that her mum told me she really really wanted then tossing it to one side saying "Oh its just a bunch of clothes". :cool:

milliemonster

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Then you should have been there when my niece opened a birthday present containing a Gap t-shirt that her mum told me she really really wanted then tossing it to one side saying "Oh its just a bunch of clothes". :cool:

Hmm, in that case then i would no longer buy gifts for people who didn't appreciate them

Dark_Star

Call me old fashioned but it's actually NICE to receive a thankyou card. It shows the parents appreciate the effort made to send a gift.

We have 2 sets of great nieces/nephews, all aged from 1 - 5. They are the children of brothers so not from different sides of the family & they live in the same town - about 1.5 hours from us.

The girls (2 & 5) always write a card with help & the mum emails as well. We email now & then with ideas/news etc.

The nephews (1 & 3) not a word, no phone call/text/email/card absolutely NOTHING. Even if we see them - nothing. Nothing when they were born. Never hear from the mum, have no mobile/email for her & she never makes the effort to speak at family gatherings.

I would happily not bother buying gifts for the boys as I deem it rude not to even acknowledge a gift. But the OH says if we do that then we shouldn't buy for the girls. Which is unfair on the girls...

I am getting very close to including a pack of personalised thank you cards with the boys as a little hint...:D

I wouldn't mind if the boys phoned/texted (with help) but nothing is done & I've heard that the grandparents hear bog all too which is very sad.

So yes - a thankyou is good manners & polite, a card is nice but ANYTHING to acknowledge the gift is welcome.