On kids sending Thank You letters

make_me_wise

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Am I being old fashioned in expecting a written thank you from the children themselves, even if its just an email? Or even some acknowledgment from the parents that the gift arrived safely at least?

I dont think you are being old fashioned or unreasonable at all. Anyone with any manners would at the very least acknowledge recieving a gift and should also thank you for it.

I think it does children good to write thank you letters or to phone/email the person and say thank you themselves. Half the fun of sending gifts to children is heaing from them that they like it and how they have played with or used it. Thanking someone gives a child an opportunity to develop social skills and communicate.

If they dont learn social etiquette it will backfire on them. People may be less keen to shower gifts on them. They will also have no idea of expecting to be thanked themselves in future when they treat people, so end up missing out on the nice side of life.

ska_lover

I think it is a bit needy, to rigidly expect thank you's to be in letters. For me, a simple spoken 'thank you' is plenty - I don't then expect them to re-iterate in letter form. Thank you's are important, but the format in which it is given, is'nt.

I know people who write thank you letters, and people who don't - as long as a thank you is given I don't mind how, either face to face, a call, a hug, a text, letter, all is fine - and all are as meaningful as the other, I dont expect everyone I ever buy a gift for, to fit in with my way of thinking. For me, the joy is in the giving, not being repeatedly thanked.

What I would find upsetting however, is people who slate their own family members, in front of complete strangers, on an internet forum because they don't fit in with (imo)petty expectations. If you were a relative of mine, I would rather recieve nothing from you at all.

jakes-mum

My DD had her 4th birthday last week and I will be sending thank you letters to the parents (though half didnt attach their cards to the present and during the move from hall to home the cards have all got mixed up so no idea who bought what :eek:) but I dont with family. We always ring each other on christmas day and everyone rings the birthday boy/girl so we get our thanks then. My sister does then follow up with a thankyou note for everyone who bought her kids a present and I always thought it was a waste of a stamp im afraid, they thanked me on the phone and told me how much they liked whatever I had bought, thats good enough for me )

Friends/distant relatives we post a note on facebook

I will admit I never ring my nana though which is awful as I should but with my memory problems through illness and the 84 year old womans social life/boyfriend :eek: :rotfl: before you know it, its been 3 months :eek: we've taken to thanking through my dad

I avent got a clue if presents are liked on the other side, as no-one ever tells me :rotfl: i'm not too worried unless ive posted them and then I will ask if they got their all right, but tbh im not fussed about getting a written thanks from anyone, I just hope they liked what I bought

Mojisola

ska_lover wrote: »

What I would find upsetting however, is people who slate their own family members, in front of complete strangers, on an internet forum because they don't fit in with (imo)petty expectations. If you were a relative of mine, I would rather recieve nothing from you at all.

Isn't it more sensible to vent and ask advice from complete strangers who don't know your family than discuss it with people who might feed the problem back to those concerned - maybe with all sorts of embellishments.

melancholly

Mojisola wrote: »

Isn't it more sensible to vent and ask advice from complete strangers who don't know your family than discuss it with people who might feed the problem back to those concerned - maybe with all sorts of embellishments.

indeed. and with that attitude, this board would cease to exist there is a huge benefit to impartial advice and the anonymity of the internet can be much better than getting third parties involved by asking their opinion.

OP - they sound ungrateful. if gifts are posted, the very least you can do is ring to sconfirm that they arrived. not to that is, imo, rude/daft! i wouldn't get very upset about any single incident, but the repeated lack of any response at all to presents would certainly grate. cards might be unrealistic, but a phone call is hardly expecting much. however, there isn't much you can do about it! that leaves three choices - just lump it and try to avoid it getting to you, stop giving gifts (even though they are reciprocated) or speak to them about it. my guess is that, irritating as it is, lumping it is the best option to avoid a row!

ska_lover

melancholly wrote: »

OP - they sound ungrateful. if gifts are posted, the very least you can do is ring to sconfirm that they arrived. not to that is, imo, rude/daft! i wouldn't get very upset about any single incident, but the repeated lack of any response at all to presents would certainly grate. cards might be unrealistic, but a phone call is hardly expecting much. however, there isn't much you can do about it! that leaves three choices - just lump it and try to avoid it getting to you, stop giving gifts (even though they are reciprocated) or speak to them about it. my guess is that, irritating as it is, lumping it is the best option to avoid a row!

I totally agree with this, if there was no aknowledgement whatsoever, well thats just rude. I would stop buying gifts tbh

adelight

Noone in my family has ever sent thank you notes apart from one cousin when she was little and no family friends have either. I suppose because we all saw/see each other regularly we'd say thank you in person or at the time the gift was given, if not there'd be a phone call(or facebook these days!). Relatives abroad would send a package to one family member (usually my nan) which contained individual cards, letters and photos for family members. It was really nice but just didn't seem necessary to do between those of us who saw each other a few times a week.

moomoomama27

I always send thank you letters. So do the children. It's good manners and what was always expected of me, and I've passed that down to the children.

katz03

My son was made up to receive a thank you note from my sister this morning - thanking him for his thank you letter for his Xmas pressies!! Which may sound over the top but my little lad has dyspraxia and it isn't easy for him to write and she so much appreciated that he had made so much effort to say thank you .

Christmas thank you's don't have to be chore - we had a great afternoon re-cyling Christmas cards into thank you cards - and everyone who received one contacted us to thank us!!

If we have not been able to say thank you in person, then it is only good manners to show appreciation for the gift along with the time and efforts that the person has made in sending a gift .

I love getting thank you texts from nieces and nephews - mainly as it reassures me that they have received it and it hasn't been 'mislaid' in the post.

BitterAndTwisted

Thank you letters, or even any acknowledgment of a gift received appear to be an outmoded relic of a bygone age. A bygone age when receiving any presents from anyone was not expected or ever taken for granted. This is very regrettable, in my opinion.

There are countless children who I have taken care of, or cosseted, treated and spoiled in the past. I have never received a thank you card or letter and sometimes not even been told whether they have been received or not. If I had I would have cherished it. It would have made my day or even my year.

I once nannied for a family and their children were sat down after school for at least half an hour every day after birthdays or Christmas to write their little notes. For those poor children who aren't encouraged to do this and therefore encouraged to think of the people who have thought of them and made the effort to please them, I blame the parents.